I'm honestly shocked at how these prophecies are so different in how they affect the story and the mysteries that they involve. Most importantly, how satisfying/obvious they are.
Let's be honest, the only really satisfying solution to who is Cersei's valonquar is Jaime, her younger brother who she's managed to isolate and push away. Sure, it could be Tyrion - but then Cersei's ableism and hatred would almost be justified? It could be Victarion, George's 100%-original-character-do-not-steal, but who does that satisfy. The show could be prescient, and the valonquar is the falling bricks of Maegor's holdfast, the little brother.
The Younger More Beautiful Queen on the other hand? Chock-full of potential. Every solution is satisfying and thematically resonant.
Margaery? Cersei's foil in terms of how youth and fertility are valued in women, and how it's the only weapon that Cersei really has. Also, an example of how Cersei's biases and misogynistic world-view destroy her. I think that the main problem that this has is the Tyrion problem, but to a lesser extent. I think there's a universe where Cersei's more careful in her politicking and less vehement, I don't think there's any possibility that Tyrion doesn't externalise his issues onto her.
Dany? Juicy. Perfectly illustrates the difference in their views on rulership and motherhood. Cersei's viewing of rulership as her right, and that the smallfolk exist to supplement the needs of the lords, and Dany's view that rulership and being a queen is about protection. Tbh I can't see that GRRM will pit fire vs fire and not have it end in disastrous consequences, so maybe Dany ignites the wildfire caches, in doing so, Cersei goes from queen of Westeros to just another refugee, dazed at the power of dragons?
Arianne? Cersei's thematic just-desserts for her deprecation of Elia Martell. They're both adept as using the sexuality to manipulate men, and are ambitious women. However, while Cersei's actions come from a place of both self-loathing and a goddess complex, Arianne genuinely enjoys her sensuality. The only one to defeat Cersei, is another Cersei. I love this one less than the others, because Arianne's such a late addition to the story, and tbh I don't think she's long for the world.
Sansa? My personal favourite answer. The two characters for whom status and beauty have the largest impact on their stories and how they're viewed and treated. They're almost perfect mirrors of each other, in that they both nursed grandiose dreams of queenship and fairytale endings, but found the reality to be quiet different. Cersei's machiavellian view of rulership vs Sansa's budding belief that she wants to be loved rather than feared. Consider also that not only does Cersei inflict the most harm on Sansa and her family than anyone on this list - Cersei doesn't believe it's Sansa. She's terrified of Margaery, but is never shown to fear Sansa, only look down on her because of her age and heritage. Her not taking Sansa seriously mirrors how she views that she's not as feared, as revered as she believes she should be. And the fact that Sansa is arguably one of, if not the most, important pieces of the board AND is being tutored by Littlefinger? If Cersei's downfall is political, it's 100% Sansa.
Brienne? Thematic resonance coming out the wazoo. I think that this one is the clichĂŠ of 'inner beauty triumphing over outer beauty' done right. Brienne is self-sacrificing, kind and loyal where Cersei is narcissistic, cruel and capricious. Perhaps Maggy the Frog divined the chant "Brienne the beauty", and like Cersei, failed to grasp the figurative meaning. This one I believe is very similar to Sansa, in that they are both objectified and dehumanised for their looks, but in different ways. Also, Cersei would never believe that an ugly, brutish, disfigured women from a little island in the Stormlands could surpass her in anything. Plus the idea of a near-death delirious Cersei looking inot Brienne's eyes and thinking how beautiful they are???
All that is to say. It's Sansa. It's Sansa and if you disagree you're wrong.
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10 Things that wouldâve Improved the Game of Thrones Final Season (For Me)
So it came to my attention that recently it was the First Anniversary of the Final Episode of HBOâs âGame of Thronesâ. I was taken back to my memory of the BinGOT thing we had at work where we all made predictions of who lived, died and âwonâ from the last ep (I was in 2nd or 3rd place). And since my mother has started binging it during quarantine I thought in the spirit of that environment Iâd discuss a little what I wouldâve changed in the final season.
Spoilers for Game of Thrones Season 8 Below, if you havenât watched it then youâre better off not reading this frankly, if you havenât been spoiled already at least.
So for starters, the final episode is not the worst tv Iâve ever seen, it just was a sloppy final season in general that really didnât satisfy the 2 years of hype waiting for it, itâs like with the How I Met Your Mother finale, but that annoyance being more than one episode. But without further ado here are 10 things I wouldâve changed about the final season
Note: Most will involve the finale. The first 2 episodes were great.
10 - Ten Episodes
The Long Night was 1 episode, the LONG NIGHT. A Culmination of the army of living and dead confined into one episode. One of the main problems with the final season was that the pacing was a bit rushed, it made character progression seem unnatural and dropped long-built plot points like water through a sieve. With 10 episodes, which was not a big ask given that this was the usual number and the gravitas of it being the final season would easily allow it to be green lit. D&D immediately backed themselves into a corner by giving a limit they werenât used to and too much content to put in.
9 - Bite of the Spider
Varysâ death was an upsetting start of the penultimate episode, while I wouldâve loved him to have survived start to end and potentially ended on top (because heâs never shown to be as cunning or dangerous as he is in the books) there was some sense in him dying. However, Varys was shown sending a letter before his arrest and that never came back up, the finale couldâve used this by revealing to the public Jonâs true heritage, which wouldâve immediately undermined Danyâs claim and set up a better conflict. Also we never knew what the voice in the flames said to him...
8 - A More Fitting Long Night
While everyone probably popped hard for Arya killing the Night King, myself included, the nature of it was rather abrupt. I donât think anyone can buy that she sneaked past that entire army. I do feel like the Night King was just a MacGuffin for the Long Night, given that he did so little in the actual fight. This is where a multi-part Long Night wouldâve been key as well, going from the Night King being immune to Dragonfire to dying a bit later was not a good pace, and we lacked any conflict with Jon like we teased twice, Arya probably wasnât the most poetic person to kill him either but GoT seldom did poetic deaths (Joffrey, Cersei, Euron). While the Long Night had exemplary deaths like Theon, Lyanna, Jorah and Beric, the Night King fell among the ranks of Melisandre and Edd in terms of meh deaths. The Long Night shouldâve been a bigger bloodbath than it was, half the Dothraki somehow survived remember, we didnât get to see Ghost fight at all either, no giant spiders, a lot of the tension was lost with the way some fight scenes were filmed; it was too easy to read between the lines and not enough characters had any true âoh god this person could dieâ scenes.
7 - Resolution for the Characters we didnât See and Plots unresolved
With so much funding and finality in the show, there felt like there couldâve been more stuff that couldâve been resolved; what was the Quaithâs prophecy about? What really happened with the Doom of Valyria? Why does Dragonglass and Valyrian steel kill White Walkers? What is Daario doing after Dany died? Were the Faceless Men really that okay with letting Arya wander around knowing their skillset? Nobody hired them to help in the war either. What happened to the remnants of that warlock dude who stole the baby dragons, they sent one scorpion and thatâs it, what happens with the Little Birds now that theyâre leaderless? Who was Azor Ahai? What were the spirals about? There are a lot of questions the show kinda just, ignored.Â
6 - The Mad Queen
So, Dany going from âIâll stop if they surrenderâ to âBurn them fucking allâ was abrupt for many, the majority of fans were not ready or willing to accept turning on their Kaleesi in just one episode. While I could see the conclusion coming from being jumped, losing another âchildâ and her closest friend as well as her new boyfriend being her nephew and a legitimate threat to her legitimacy despite already pledging fealty, Danyâs descent couldâve used more time, and less naivety. While the death of the dragon was a huge shock, the idiocy fell on Dany in thinking that Cersei would play fair and wouldnât try to occupy Dragonstone while she abandoned it. There also fell inconsistency when the same fleet and rows of Scorpion crossbows suddenly got Stormtrooper aim during âThe Bellsâ. Euron is a renowned sailor, he ruined a Dornish fleet in a previous season, he may be an annoying bastard but you have to treat his naval tactics with a bit more respect - and make Dany less stupid with Cersei doing Cersei things. A lot of people definitely needed more time in buying the idea that Dany had lost her cool and that she blamed all of Westeros to justify burning everyone unashamedly.
5 - Proper Redemption
We all know who weâre talking about. Jaime, Jaime, Jaime. In the end he just proved Olennaâs point didnât he? And his turn away from redemption was only to serve as an example point for Tyrion to use to convince Jon to kill Dany. Jaime didnât have to live, but he didnât have to die rushing to Cerseiâs rescue, or even due to Euron stabbing him. If anything Jaime shouldâve died with some Honour, to be the inverse of Ned as he was presented in Season 1.
4 - My Lady does not have to mean MâLady
This is probably the most selfish ones of my 10 but as a shipper at my very heart and soul I wanted one, at least one, ship to survive this entire turmoil and Gendry and Arya were that couple. We almost had it as well, but then for some mad reason D&D decided that Gendry, despite literally saying that ânone of it will be worthwhile if youâre not with meâ, stayed in Stormâs End. Aryaâs character endgame was right in her venturing off not being bound by the fact that sheâs a noble, but Gendry spent a lot of time not caring that he was of Kingsblood to basically being his Fatherâs son. Heâll rule Stormâs End, marry some woman to have kids, but heâll still have fallen into the same pit as King Robert did. It wouldâve been much more satisfying and hopeful if Gendry abandoned the titles and land he never wanted or needed to accompany someone he loves and who loves him back on an adventure into the unknown. Sheâs not a âladyâ if sheâs only marrying a blacksmith and love is the death of duty.
3 -Â Sansa is NOT Smart (and gets what she actually deserves)
Right. So I really, really didnât like Sansa. Like, I get it, she got held hostage by the Lannisters, watched her father get beheaded, got accused of murder, learned that her brother and mother died, watched the guy who fancied her mother and kissed her kill her aunt and then got effectively sold to an abuser in an arranged marriage. But Sansa is not the smartest player in the game, it was annoying that they tried to portray her as one, she had one idea that anyone couldâve told you âdonât be stupid against Ramsay Boltonâ. She spent all of Season 8 mainly giving side eye like a petty bitch, completely trying to undermine Dany despite the two being very very similar (remember Dany was raped, sold off in an arranged marriage and watched family members get killed too) to the point where she was conspiring for Jon to usurp her. And in reality she took her ball and left, she was so pissy that the leaders didnât pick her to be Queen of Westeros that she literally pointed out her own brotherâs infertility, claimed that the North wouldnât bow to a monarch, then declared herself Queen.Â
Hide the âYas Queenâ goggles for a sec, this wasnât empowering she was throwing her own brother under the bus because she wanted to be queen, and she learned far too much from Littlefinger and Cerseiâs playbook to actually be a just one. The North is allowed to be an independent nation, but Sansaâs âvictoryâ was more earned by virtue of a lot of shit happened to her than her actually demonstrating qualities to be queen.
2 - Bran Stark canât come to the Phone right now...
While weâre on the subject of Stark children not being fit rulers, Bran. What a cockamamie decision that was. I was 100% behind the destruction of the Iron Throne, but the chorus of laughter with a democratic rule was a bit of a slap in the face. Of all the choices though, Bran had to be near the bottom, it felt completely unearned that he spent literal seasons disconnecting from the world even to the point where he told Meera and Sam that Bran Stark is no longer here anymore only for Bran Stark to magically resurface when a crown is in waiting. I think it defeats the whole Three Eyed Raven thing too, the guy isnât really one for the people, which is the problem every other ruler before him failed at. If you canât pick a just person to lead, then why not a council instead? Just using Bran was a poor and messy decision.
1 - THE MOTHERFUCKING VALONQUAR
One of the few expectations across all of Game of Thrones was the wondering over whether Cersei was gonna get whatâs coming to her, the Maggy the Frog prophecy was going along quite well up until the Valonquar bit, where the younger sibling that was going to choke the life out of her was: bricks. BRICKS! Of all the long-winded prophecy foreshadowings to drop this one was the worst, Cersei (and Jaime) died in underwhelming, thoughtless fashion, the lack of fanfare on killing off one of the best and most âlove to hateâ villains in the show only cemented the fact that the finale was not able to live up to the hype.
True, most of these are small changes, but itâs worth remembering that there was some good coming out of the final season and it was the lack of those little things and attention to detail that led to the season ending on an underwhelming note.
We did however get a good ton of memes out of it, and at work a long-winded discussion on who should get the âwinnerâ 5-points (compared to the 1 correct points) since we had technically agreed that the 5 points goes to âwhoever correctly guesses who sits on the Iron Throneâ XD
I still canât believe I was right in Drogon melting the throne though that was one in a million
me thinking that during his emotional scene with tyrion, jaime was gonna do the tysha reveal (since she was brought up last episode) because he starts to burn all his bridges
me thinking euron and his taunts (âi fucked the queenâ) will represent the osmund kettleblack/lancel/moonboy plot
me thinking the painted floor world map getting cracked at the neck was gonna be foreshadowing
me thinking jaime and cersei in the dragon skull vault and on the way to the boat was meant to parallel the tyrion/shae scenes in aSoS as well as emotionally parallel the kinslaying and sibling fallout
me waiting for cersei to reveal something extremely shocking/disgusting to jaime or have some aerys targaryen wildfire parallels considering she also burned the sept
me thinking they were really gonna do the valonquar plot
Alright, the GOT finale is tonight--but I ainât done speculating. After all is said and done, Iâll probably still haunt Tumblr a bit with some Sanrion ff and random ASOIAF fantheories.Â
Like...
What if, in the books, the Valonquar is The Hound? Very much the little brother of the Mountain, who has symbolically been the champion of the Lannisters at their worst moments? The context of why Sandor would take her out is a little misty--perhaps he does it for the greater good, or to get to his brother for revenge, or to save Arya or Sansa or something, who knows? Whatâs cool about the valonquar theory is there are so many candidates, from most to least obvious:
1. Tyrion Lannister
2. Jaime Lannister
3. Tommen Baratheon (accidentally, incidentally, or purposefully?)
4. Garlan the Gallant (younger bro of Margaery and Loras)
5. Bran or Rickon Stark (I know that seems far-fetched, but Bran could warg it and Rickon has literally been a Shaggydog story throughout the books...or maybe not?)
6. Sandor âThe Houndâ Clegane
And probably more.Â
Thereâs a reason they left a lot of prophecy bits out of the show. I canât be completely upset with the show for offing Cersei the way they did because they didnât necessarily include the valonquar bit. But I bet itâs going to be drama gold in the books.Â
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This is a list of valonquars who can have a reason to kill Cersei : Jamie, Tyrion, Arya, Daenerys, The Hound and now Jon since he is Rhaella and Aegon's valonquar. Sansa is also a valonquar ( she is Robb's little sister ) so maybe she can be add to the list. I'm wondering which one is gonna kill her since Tyrion is too obvious as a choice.
Hey so if the Lannister twins are the other secret Targaryens instead of Tyrion (since Cersei is so parallel to the mad king, Tyrion is said to be the most like Tywin, they represent the madness and greatness sides of the Targaryen coin etc), then Dany would technically be Cerseiâs younger sibling and possibly the valonquar! I think its most likely Jaime, and i hope its actually Tyrion, but thatâs another possibility right? Dany would be the younger more beautiful queen (or at least one of the people who fits it) as well as the valonquar to finally defeat Cersei.Â
Crackpot theories about Maggyâs Prophecy yâall will probably crush to dust and make me cry pointing out my stupidity
But I donât care:
So Jaimeâs going to decide to kill Cersei once he sees how far gone she is in her quest for vengeance. Mercy kill. There will be a huge build up. He embraces her one last time and then prepares to strangle her....
But then it will turn out Cersei in her paranoia has rightly come to suspect Jaime. So in her madness she stabs him, killing him.
The death of her beloved twin at her own hands really pushes her over the edge.
Anyway, Iâm not sure how, but Tyrion will be reunited with Sansa (purely for political reasons, and it wonât last, as I see Tyrion probably dying before the series is over). But for now, he has taken over Kingâs Landing with Sansa still as his wife.
Cersei is brought to him. Her madness clears just enough for her to take in Tyrion on the Iron Throne with Sansa by his side. Sheâll realize ironically that all her original suspicions sheâs since dismissed were in fact true: Tyrion is the Valonquar and Sansa the younger and more beautiful queen come to take her place.
Tyrion approaches her and puts his hands around her neck -- whether in a genuine attempt to kill her or just to try calming down the hysterical former queen, who knows. It will probably remain ambiguous.
But while in his grip, Cersei has a total heart attack/stroke/hemorrhage and dies.
Then Dany arrives and she and Tyrion realize they have to go be the dragon heads beyond the Wall and they fly out of there, leaving Sansa as temporary Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Whether that lasts after Tyrionâs death, or Sansa nopes out of there to go be Queen of the North instead, I dunno.
Now, fine. Go ahead and piss all over everything I just said, I can take it. (No I canât. Leave me alone.)
