#valianc

adopt, be adopted by, marry

i’d never accept violet as anything but my life partner, though i do have a sinking feeling i’ll be watching over her just as much as if i adopted her. and rory– is, i suppose, older and wiser. and beautiful. if anyone else could be — my mother, i would be honored for it to be her.  

and well, adopt wren because all children need is guidance, after all. i remember it was so… sad to hear about his parents. it must be– i mean, without my parents i don’t know what i’d do.  

FUCK | MARRY | KILL

first of all, kill maddison ( @violentlongiings ). sorry, baby, but that’s just how it is in these games, you know that.definitely marry eliza ( @hardheartd ). if she’s managed to put up with me for this long, then surely she’ll suit me well. i’d be a good wife, of course — she’d be allowed to sleep with whomever she chose. and then that leaves me to fuck odilia ( @keepsschasing ), i suppose. not a bad choice, though this is all hypothetical, of course. so long as she didn’t kill me first, i think we’d have our fun.

kill, betray, have on your zombie apocalypse team

“Kill Cress ( @faithlvss ). Even if we weren’t on the outs, that motherfucker would somehow find a way to start like a Walking Dead-esque community and heads would roll.. it would not be good,” she thought for a moment. “Okay, so if he didn’t actively hate me then I wouldn’t take this action because he would make an excellent Negan or Rick or whatever the fuck, but he would absolutely find a way to kill me and, contrary to popular belief, I do have some self preservation.” She didn’t want to think about the fact that she had to rationalize killing someone she was supposed to hate in a made up game so she moved forward. “Betray Nat ( @wishbonehearts ); let me explain why though. She would have like… eight levels of Wotacour family to help her out with that. She wouldn’t need me. I would betray her if I thought for a second she would be worse off without me.” That sentiment mirrored her current thought process with Nat, a thought that she tried to push aside. “Also, I don’t feel like there would ever be an actual situation where I would significantly betray her, but for the purpose of the game, I’ll say betray Nat. Which leaves Audrey ( @audreyselwyn ) on my zombie apocalypse team, which is exactly what I planned. She’s what I call a total fucking badass and I adore her. Truth be told, I’ve been on her bad side before - big old yikes - so I know that cold shoulder is pretty lethal. I can only imagine what she’d be like with a weapon. A muggle weapon, that is.”

– honestly, Luce, what is it with you and having sex with fictional creatures? Couldn’t you at least given me Mystique or Nightcrawler as an option? Or even one of those blue creatures from Avatar? You know, Smurfs are like three inches tall – how would that even bloody work? How the fuck would I be able to have sex with one? You don’t actually think I’m that short, do you? 

– if I have to choose, I’d definitely marry Smurfette because she’s adorable and has really cute hair. And I guess I’d…fuck the dude painted all blue in Arrested Development even though he seems absolutely disgusting, and I really, really don’t want to. Then I’d kill Papa Smurf because he’s way too old for me, and he looks so much like Santa Claus that it’s a turn off.

“robert as batman has a lot to prove. which could be exciting. in bed. or out of it. and while it would certainly be nice to… be around someone who emits a glow just… light enough that i’ll never be in the dark, i see myself entering into a stable relationship with someone who, like me, is a high achiever with a variety of interests! so marry troy, fuck robert and, unfortunately, kill the spare glowstick boy.”

fuck, marry, kill

“Hm, you’ve really gotten me in a pickle there, Luce. I’d have to say fuck Sharpay - she seems like a total pillow princess, which is just my type, as you well know. Marry Elizabeth Swan, because, contrary to what I just said, she can top me whenever and wherever she’d like. She also seems like she would be a good provider, you know? Not that I could be a trophy wife - I’ve been informed that I’m both too fat and too opinionated for that - but I could spend my days with my plants and my cats and she could go kick some ass and it would just be a grand old time. I guess that means I would kill Buttercup.. which is unfortunate but a necessary evil when you’re playing the fast and loose game of FMK.”

LEONORA FLINT: Which emotion do you have the most difficulty expressing?

“Probably anger. I try to be pretty sensible about everything and make it a priority to not let things get to me too bad, so I rarely express my anger and if I’m feeling it then I just try to bury it down. I don’t like showing signs of vulnerability or losing my composure in front of others. I just feel like… There’s an expectation of how I should handle things, especially in front of Amelie, so I try to be very discreet about it. And I just… can’t raise my voice against anyone, so generally when I’m mad I just hold it in and let it out on my diary.” 

DENNIS CREEVEY: If you could change one of the key moments in your life that shaped who you are as a person, would you?

“I don’t think I would. I mean, if I did that… Wouldn’t I be a totally different person? I know this is the boring answer, but I’m proud of my progression and the person I’ve become so I don’t really feel the need to change anything that’s happened to get me to where I am. And I think it’s kind of silly to dwell on these kinds of things because you can’t change the past.”

LILY POTTER: Which of the main four elements do you think represents you best, and why?

“I know absolutely nothing about the main four elements. So naturally I looked it up, and upon opening the first result I saw the words ‘lover of babies’ next to the earth element. And that sounds about right so we’re going to go with that.” 

s/o to the crEw: albus, molly, lucy, louisdouble shoutout to adopted crew: albus + lucyalso double shoutout to louis for being a gryff, unlike the rest of those cowards... and s/o to molly just in case she’s reading this and decides she wants to hex rose or something