#valanar

SUFFER WELL

Dear ninnyhammers,

Before you go whinging and moaning (HOW MANY YEARS LATE?) about the Darkfallen and 'pansy vampires' and et cetera, please to be remembering a few things:

1) Prince Keleseth, who is so nice to nooby DKs, is the boss of the Howling Fjord Vrykul Committee. He is easily two heads shorter than they are; they don't care. They value badassery in combat. Consider that a moment. Consider what that implies about Keleseth. (Don't burn out your one neuron doing so.)

2) Prince Valanar screws over the entire Alliance base in Borean Tundra by pretending he is a boring speccy human chancellor. Because of him, plagued grain rations get sent in, and a bunch of soldiers get zombieficated. Because of him, a ship with a Cult of the Damned altar in the hold of it flies under the radar. because of him playing on the humans' prejudices, a whole bunch of badass Draenei Vindicators get sidelined and are unable to help out, thus making the base even more of a sitting-duck pond. And then there's all the havoc he caues just as the commander of En'Kilah, sheesh.

3) Before her death, Queen Lana'thel fought Arthas to a standstill and only lost because he had Lich King hax. 

4) Prince Taldaram's malarkey in Ahn'Kahet wasn't ever really explained, but regardless of what he's doing, Herald Volazj and his calamari-fanboying hootenanny are on the other side of the instance and staying there. (Girlfriend and me have our own theory about what he was up to, but canon did not 'splain so I leave it where it is). 

5) Neither Valanar nor Keleseth nor Taldaram are the worse for wear after having been fragged.

6) Prince Tenris Mirkblood hung out in Karazhan for quite some time, and did so without pissing off Morores--no small feat. *COUGH* All joking aside though--it's Karazhan. KAAAARAAAAAZHAAAAAAAAAN. You know, Medivh's sapient trollyourbrains evil tower of ley-line-intersectiony ghost-munching doom. And Tenris has just made himself at home with his guitar and his little pet bat and his canisters of bloodslurpee, calm as you please. What does that say about Tenris? Go on, think about it. I'll wait.

Scene: Throne Room of the Warchief

Thrall, Baine, Jaina, and Varian, along with attending adventurers, batter down the doors blocking access to the fallen warchief, Garrosh Hellscream. Fire licks at the sides of the room, from tipped over braziers. The remnants of the traitorous Kor'kron rally on the flanks of Garrosh.

Thrall: I trusted you, and look at what you have done to the Horde.

Baine and Varian look on at the exchange. Jaina weeps openly.

Garrosh: I did what was right, nothing else matters, it was YOU who had forgotten our purpose!

Garrosh raises his axe, Kor'kron to his left and right tense up for the final fight to protect their warchief. With his oddly clawed free hand, Garrosh rips away the paper Mag'har mask and reveals himself to be none other than the dreadlord Mal'Ganis! Kor'kron in turn rip away their paper orc masks revealing themselves as the men and women of Scarlet Onslaught!

Thrall: No, I did not forget what you promised Mal'Ganis, I promised I'd kill you.

A small whirling blizzard surrounds Thrall, in a surprise twist, he uses his icy black gauntlet to rip off his paper orc jesus mask revealing himself as The Lich King himself. The trio at his side do the same, Keleseth, Valanar and Taldaram appear with fabulous hair and fantastic poses in place of Baine, Jaina and Varian.