#vacationending

Time to say Goodbye #vacationending #vacationend #balticsea #usedom #memories (hier: Strand Karlshagen Auf Usedom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDy0nLFooZH15kXu2U2Pnk7CbGQPAxmdm2WNag0/?igshid=mx7wbd3tgirz

Lil taste of Charleston #vacationending #holidays (at Port of Charleston)

It has been a wonderful graduation road trip with these amazing people. I'm so glad I found you guys during college. Sadly, now Sierra and I are heading back to the east coast/real world where life and job interviews await us! #roadtrip #Iowa #ilikeairports #vacationending #bestfriends #weareallwearingmessiahshirts #jobinterviewnextweek #headinghome (at DSM International Airport)

On my qay back to see my Lil Man #ethan #vacationending #sajoma

I don't want to go home!!!! #mjwpacificnorthwest #seattle #vacationending (at Elliott's Oyster House - Seattle)

I feel like when you go on vacation you have endless amounts of hope and aspiration even if, like in my case it's a stay-cation. You are going to go on adventures and see things you haven't seen and be involved in all sorts of awesome. What ends up happening maybe half of those things you aspired towards and the rest? Well the rest gets filled with trying to catch up on sleep or dealing with your insomnia about all the stuff you need to or should be doing instead. Or in my case waiting for doctors to get back to you on something they told you they would have three weeks going on a month ago. But it's ok Doc, you're just going to tell me if I need to go in for surgery or not. Not a big deal, right? And on top of hat worrying because of the money you are now not making because you took time off. Yay part time jobs with no benefits. Don't get me wrong being a barista allows me a lot of freedom, to do a whole lot of nothing. See since my health has declined and inclined it makes me exhausted and with my PTSD and terrible anxieties I don't like to dwell outside my comfort space very often. A few towns over and I am pretty much good any further and I feel the suffocation of being too ambitious take hold and I am done.  Rewind. Go back. Hide in blanket burrito and play video games.  And Whew that was close.  So, while I have been on vacation hoping to get a roof rack for my car and go kayaking. Neither happened, rain came on the days I had hoped for sunshine and food poisoning took the place of times to go out hiking. I didn't even have the energy to deep clean my house and burn my couch like I had intended. Life stuff, the need to sit and take a deep breath and kill some demons happens.  Even when I leave for vacation nothing goes to plan. I need to find a way to just live a life full of spontaneity . Which sounds easy ends up being a lot harder.  Some good came from I managed to hike a few places, acquired a scorpion and a blue toed tarantula. Finally got around to cleaning my cichlid's take throughly which I am sure they enjoyed especially the blood worms that came after as a reward for their patience. But I just wanted more. I want to be retired. Like now, but I can't. I haven't even started, but my body is broken and my biggest ambition to get a full time job with benefits that lets me help people while not requiring a lot of math and let's me express myself... meaning? Freaky hair colors and piercings but of course. And maybe will allow me to wear cute clothes without being too much. I'm a complicated girl, with some complicated needs, to me anyways.  And here comes to the end of my rant where I tell you that next vacation this will all be different and more adventures. Fact is I don't know. I feel like planning fun takes away from the fun and that if you don't plan you can't guarantee any results. Catch 22.  Anyways, vacation. It was not really a vacation more as a extended weekend that I actually got to spend with someone I love whom I never get to see. I just wish that I didn't have to make them work the entire time to get stuff done I can't do myself.  Such is life.