( gore warning )

It really says a lot about your place in life when your first thought upon having your whole hand shot off is “shit, now there’s only 4 left.” Of course, he feels other things as well: pain, especially when he’s shot twice, spending a good bit of Mika’s speech to the general group in pain, just barely keeping himself from howling out.

Yet, he can hear everything she speaks to him personally. As if to just oppose her, as if to oppose some higher force, he lifts his arm up until his remaining four fingers grip on the podium, using his left arm as leverage to pull himself up, face completely covered in sweat, calf bleeding- yet he stands. It’s the best middle-finger he can give to her.

“Heh… Heheh. Heh.” He almost spits some blood off to the side, but controls his primal urge. “Yeah. You really are what I could’ve become. Maybe I’ll write a whole book about our lives when all of this is over- I’ve dabbled in creative writing before.” A few changes, and he could’ve been there in her place while she stood where he was-

The Mika he knew before all of this would’ve probably handed his ass to him if he was the mastermind and she was a survivor. Even when her “loving” persona was faked, she was better than him in even that.

“You’re right, through. There’s no redeeming a man like me- even if I learned to love everyone on this bitch of an earth as much as I do Dai-kun, and even if I personally found all the people I’ve used to my own ends and made it up to them. Even stabbing you in the back probably couldn’t redeem me.”

He lifts his bloodied, mangled hand up to point at her- only to stare at the fact that he has nothing to point at her with. Thus, he shifts so that he can use his right arm to lean on the podium while the left points at her, a pained smile on his face.

“Thanks for clearing my head with a few good slaps, there. I was hit by this sudden- hm. Maybe conscience is a good word for it. A want to redeem myself… Heheh. Heh. I forgot I don’t need any of that. I'm me after all. I’ve dived into hell way before you did.”

By cheating people out of their money when he was little. By scamming a whole institution. By destroying hundreds of lives just for his own amusement and wish for a better life. By using the lives of those who’d already lost everything in the apocalypse- by killing the one who’d even brought him to this world. Why’d he let any of that bother him in the first place?

He enjoyed being a bad person. Even Mika couldn’t shake him from that conviction, no matter how toxic it was.

“So I’ll give you… A simple answer. An answer I probably would’ve given as a child if someone asked me why I did something bad. I’m denying you and everything that is natural to me just because I want to make you angry. I want to deny you because the thought of saying "I refuse” and seeing your reaction to it gives me such joy. I like being a pain in the ass.”

Blood trails down his lip as he sighs and closes his eyes, perching himself on the podium so that he can rest there, leaning slightly over it. He doesn’t bother to give her a look, the floor is FAR more interesting and worthy of his time. He’ll take a little nap… Here.

"Being kind to everyone… Sounds like a pain in the ass anyways. I’ve got just enough space in my grimy little heart for a few chosen people. You’re not… One of them…”

…Why not start with the one who attempted to resist through force? Mika stares down at Abe, so very close to her, and smiles.

“Abe-san. I already said it, didn’t I? That you and I are birds of a feather.”

She steps around him, and she is behind him, Mika leans down to speak close to his ear.

“What you do now will never make up for what you have done already. The things I say and do to people… Haven’t you already done much of the same? We both have experience in the creation of a following – but mine was built on my honest beliefs, while yours on nothing but the lies and deceit swimming through the bile that spills from your throat. I might argue that what you have done to them is worse, between the two of us. At least I love my followers.”

With a low chuckle, Mika stands straight again. She places the sheathed tip of her hair ornament against the back of his head.

“We both know I won’t kill you, but surely you feel the fear of threat. Do you know that I feel fear as well, Abe-san? The fear of losing everything… Of moving on. Fear… Love… Everything – we both feel it. Neither of us are any less or more human than the other.”

Laughing again, Mika pulls the hair ornament away.

“But you… You are hardly more than a sad, pathetic little bastard of a man, with a pride founded on nothing. You wish to set yourself apart from me, but you cannot in any way other than the fact that I have outwitted and outplayed you at every step, right to the end. I am the grand epitome of what you could have been.”

Stepping around in front of him again, Mika fixes him with narrow eyes and a terrible, coy smile.

“The only glimmer of redemption in you is something you found in this world I created… But it will not change the person that you are, and that you have been. There is no fixing people like us –

Utsusu Abe had never been a good person.

He'd lied multiple times across the game. Hurt many people both in and out of it- ruined enough lives to definitely qualify for a place in hell, that's for sure. And that's not even the top of the iceberg. However, even a bastard like him can see true evil for what it really is.

Using weak for their own gain and then crushing them under their foot- especially someone like Sunshine. He... Would've probably done the same if he was in Mika's position. Or hell, if their lives had been ordinary, Sunshine would've simply been an ideal victim for him to scam. This girl who hadn't harmed anyone and had spent most of this game in throes of depression.

He was starting to get sick and tired of constantly referencing himself to Mika. These similarities bore through his head constantly and annoyed the hell out of them, especially when he had no way to deny them, no way to distinguish himself as better from her in comparison, staring at her back with a constantly darkening mind.

Her back...

Her back?

Her back.

His eyes slowly shift over to Sorakuma. Then back to Mika's back. He's only got, at most, tens of seconds to deal with this situation before the chance's lost. He'll probably get shot. He'll probably get others shot too- If Sorakuma is feeling especially trigger happy. He'll get shot and die, most likely. He'd leave important people behind.

Good thing they'd be better off without him anyways. Sorry, Dai-kun... Growing old together might not be on the table after all. But, for the chance to know that they could grow old, even if only in spirit? He could risk his life, maybe. Be selfless for once. Be a good person for once.

Those thoughts are what move Utsusu Abe to suddenly grab the knife from the pocket of his hoodie and thrust it forwards, right towards Mika's open, alluring back, seeing Sunshine's face peek right from over her shoulder-

Mika looks down to Persephone, offering a quiet laugh and smile.

"It's a bit flattering that you bother to relate to me, Per-san."

She looks down, lifting her knife and tapping the tip of the blade against the fingers of her other hand.

"A tragic start to life... Yes -- I would say I fall into that category alongside you, with a dead mother from birth thrown in with the rest. But... There is nothing tragic about my choices. I already said it, didn't I? I know what it is that I do. I have chosen to go through with irredeemable actions."

...What was the point of saying that? If nothing else, it's more than clear by this point that Mika has no delusions of any 'greater good' when it comes to the things she has done.

As for Abe --

She turns his attention to him, smiling again.

"Daish-!"

He doesn't get the warning out in time, so his voice cuts out. They can't feel pain, yet... He can sure feel it for them. He can also feel angry for them. Incredibly angry, to a point where Abe's never looked as angry as he has now. His hand reaches for the knife in his pocket, just barely stopping before he grabs the handle-

he shouldn't.

If he did, they'd get mad at him for risking his life. And they'd probably be sad if he died from foolishly trying to attack her. He wanted to make them feel good things, not pain. So, he instead tries to channel his anger into something constructive, fingers once more gripping the podium tightly enough for his nails to scratch and chip at the wood.

"I'm sure we'll end things with you alright, Mimi-chan... By killing /you./ I'm not the type to fall on threats of death, but I do promise this much- we're going to be leaving this place without you and your fucking despair fetish."

Nothing constructive was said. He can just feel a vein popping at his forehead as he gets more and more frustrated- the total opposite of what he'd felt with Mika before. He feels immense sadness along with his anger, but he tries to pool this emotional turmoil into a desire to kill her instead of tears or silence-

Just as human as most of you? He would've been willing to accept her statement as truth if she'd simply said "just as human as all of you" or something akin to that, but now he can feel his anger bubble over, finally overtaking submissive fear. He shakes his head slowly and frowns.

"You're human. I can say that much, Mimi-chan... But you're twisted. You're a very, very twisted human... Who's way over the high we should be at at any given time. You're like an addict, completely enamored with the concept of evil and destruction. A self-admitted hedonistic bitch."

He'd spit on the ground, but he doesn't want to waste even that on her.

"I'm not going to preach morality at you. I'm sure you know everything about me and how evil I am. But I am going to tell you, right off the bat... Dai-kun is far more human than you and I could ever be. We're equals in just how horrible we both can be, so I think it's fine to admit they're better than either of us. You won't lose your cred for being worse-off than a robot. I made it work."

He smirks, although his face soon droops. He has to think of something important to actually say.

[ tw: parental death ment. ] 

As Abe speaks, Mika slowly lowers her arms from their outstretched position – and as he continues, the smile on her face turns… More pleasant than it was, but there is nothing truly pleasant about Mika Tsukizuka.

“Equals, hmm..?” she coos, laughing into a scarred hand. “How forward of you, Abe-san! Mm… Yes – that’s what I’ve always enjoyed about you, so I can’t complain. For all intents and purposes regarding this conversation, sure – we can be equals.”

Rather than returning directly to her podium, Mika steps to the one next to hers. Idly, she runs a finger down Nobuyuki’s portrait.

“Love… It’s such a potent thing, isn’t it? Love and hate both, but – I find myself having a hard time hating anyone.”

She keeps her eyes on Nobuyuki’s portrait, tracing her finger back across his printed face. There is a fondness in her smile.

“As for how it plays into everything… Mm… The greatest feelings of despair come from love, I have found. And the greatest despair… That is my own.”

She pulls her hand away from the portrait, looking at Abe-san again. There is an oddly sweet look in her eyes, which does not match a thing she says.

“Seeing the people I love hurt, and hurting the people that I love… I just can’t seem to help myself, you know?”

The sweet expression disappears, replaced by something undeniably conflicted as she presses her hands together and looks down at them.

“It’s a terrible thing, isn’t it? To so easily give in to the throes of my own inherent sadomasochism… But – but! But it feels so good, right? Tearing everything apart with my own hands – I can’t deny myself that! I don't want to deny myself.”

She laughs again.