#uts update

In a surprising turn of events, chapter 71 is kinda done. I finished the draft and now need to work on editing it and sending it off to my beta. 72 is on its way, because chapter 71 is shorter than the average (but still quite a fun chapter, if I do say so myself)

I haven't talked much because, creatively, I can say I've been struggling. And I can say the very specific reason for that is AI. It tends to make me... well, doubt myself. Doubt my abilities and the worth of my work. I know that's a bit silly, but it's something I've been grappling with.

So I'm making a little board of all the fanart and commissions I've had done and I'm working to just... reconnect, I guess.

In ANOTHER turn of events, I've gone through the entire rest of the HP series and outlined all the rest of the story. It's kinda crazy to think, but I have a full plan for everything left. Yes, I AM going through the entire series, because I'm a maniac and this far in, I can't give up now. My notes take up 14 pages and over 6,000 words (it took me days of dedicated research and summarizing and planning to get it all written out).

We have a ways to go I suppose. Thank you very much for those woh have stuck around this long.

Had a lot of fun with this one actually. I think some parts drag a bit but, honestly? I don't mind too much. I had fun!

After 2 and a half years I finally have sat down and done it. I finished this chapter. Holy heck.

I really hope you are well. I had manage to binge read your fic 'under the surface' in 3 days but realised its been more than a year since you have updated the fic. I really love the fic and can't begin to express how awesome it is but I want to know if the fic has been abandoned at this point. Please do respond about it. Anyways awesome fic!

Byeee

Wow, I haven't been checking my Tumblr at ALL. My apologies for not giving an answer on this.

Let me start by saying: Under The Surface has NOT been abandoned. It still lives in my head at all times and I open the doc from time to time.

This year has been hectic. I lost my job suddenly, and was struggling on and off with both depression and ADHD. I've been much more stable these days. Honestly, learning about ADHD and depression has been helpful, how it effects how I think, how my mood can fluctuate, and most importantly, how motivation with these disorders works.

What does that have to do with the fanfictions (yes I'm including The Ophidian and Who He Used To Be on top of Under the Surface)? I've gotten a lot better at understanding how to motivate myself. I'm realizing that part of the reason I was able to keep with writing so consistently for years WAS because I was in college and had a job I was physically going to. Having that accountability and the sense of being "busy" helped me bring structure into my life and I could actually write a LOT. I've mentioned this before I think, but when Covid hit, and everything went online, I lost all of that physical structure and I'm still trying to reinvent it.

Also, if I can be honest about UTS itself, the current context is a bit hard to write for me. Harry is at a point where he has to learn what leaning on people looks like, and I'm realizing I don't know what that looks like either. How that unfolds, the articulation of internal struggle, just putting things to words is hard for anyone, and I have to portray that in writing. It's a challenge I think I'm up for, but it was one I didn't realize was causing so much writers block. I've been sitting on a conversation that has to happen, because I can't see how it can believably go. It's a process, but one I think I'm finally at a point of tackling.

So it's been about a year and a half. Way longer than I meant, of course. So... What happened?

A lot of it can be summed up like this: depression snuck up on me, and when I finally started to become less depressed, I just got stressed instead. I'll leave the rest under the cut, but for those mostly curious about the next chapter: it's still being written. I can't say when it'll be done, but I haven't stopped working on it.

The art was done by Linnea, who you can find on Twitter here!

My cat, Cady, died recently. It was clearly coming, but all of it was still awful. She didn’t make it to her euthanasia appointment that we’d set, which sucks to know we were too late with it. It’s not a pleasant topic, but yeah.

In much brighter news, my dog is doing well. We still don’t know what it was that had the vet so scared, but after getting it removed they haven’t come back with news that they need more tests urgently, so we’re hoping it’s not as bad as they initially thought.

We’ve gotten two new birds since Razz (the first one died), and we got a new kitten following Cady. It feels a little like replacing them, but at the same time I know how much I loved them and how much I still think about them. Filling the space they left behind doesn’t seem so awful.

I also remembered I have very low vitamin D levels and had also stupidly stopped taking my vitamin D daily. Vitamin D is important for things like sleep, focus, organization, and memory to name a few. Since I kicked myself back into taking it daily, my mind’s been clearer, which is really nice. I have the energy and drive to get things done again for the first time in what seems like months.

Anyway, I’m feeling like I’m starting to snap out of it again. Exercising has been as helpful as everyone says, though it can still be annoying to do daily.