US and UK Weddings: Differences
As A British woman planning a wedding to an American man, I have accidentally become an expert on this.
1. Dress code - US weddings are evening wear (tuxedos, or black tie as we call it, and evening gowns), UK weddings are day wear (nice suit or shorter, âdayâ dress, the mothers of the couple usually wearing hats). This is because...
2. Time - UK wedding ceremonies are usually between 12pm and 3pm, US ones can be any time but often in the evening.
3. Wedding party - Small boys in the UK might be asked to be a âpageboyâ, who goes with the flower girls. In the US, they might be a âringbearerâ, and relieve the best man of a job. UK wedding parties are often (though not always) quite small, with 2-4 bridesmaids and a handful of âushersâ, plus the best man. US wedding parties can get really big and feature âgroomsmenâ. This is because...
4. Cost - in the UK, it is fairly common (though not compulsory) for the bride to pay for the bridesmaid dresses and the groom to cover the cost of suit hire. In the US, the wedding party are expected to pay for themselves. This also has an effect on...
5. The bar - in the US, it is considered extremely tacky to make guests pay for their own drinks, and the couple pay a certain amount of money to the venue for a free bar. In the UK, while the bar might be free if the wedding is in a marquee or the couple is very rich, a cash bar is expected, and it is not usually considered desirable to have a free bar by guests or couple. For the couple, itâs far too expensive, as most venues will simply charge the couple the full price for every (very expensive) drink. For the guests, British people tend to drink A LOT if free alcohol is available and no one wants rowdy drunk British people fighting over a football team or something all through the reception.
6. RSVPs - In the UK, prompt RSVPs are essential and if youâve RSVPed, you have a obligation to turn up unless you contract bubonic plague or something. This is because, a few weeks before the wedding, the couple will pay the venue in full for the exact number of people turning up, and if anyone doesnât show, the couple have to pay for their dinner anyway. In the US, the couple settle up after the wedding, so their numbers can be more flexible right up to the last minute. This means people in the UK are also very careful about the guest list and will leave a lot of people (including extended family members) off the guest list - and on the flip side, if invited to a wedding, most Brits will make every effort to go if they possibly can. In the US, itâs more common not to go if itâs inconvenient. But the couple probably donât mind so much because...
7. Gifts - in the US, itâs common to send a gift if you were invited, even if you canât come. In the UK, you only bring or send a gift if youâre attending the wedding.
8. Destination weddings and second receptions - in the UK, because the weather is so diabolically awful and there is NO time of year you can be confident in getting sunshine or warm weather, a lot of people get married abroad, e.g. Italy or Cyprus. They then have a second reception in the UK a little while later, which will be treated as a full wedding reception. In the US, the weather is better, so thereâs no need for this, and second receptions arenât a common thing.
9. Daytime and evening guests - in the UK, itâs increasingly common to invite a small number of people to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, and a larger number to the evening party, partly to save money, partly because some venues donât seat that many people for a sit-down meal. In the US, where the wedding might be in the evening anyway, this is not so common.
10. Rehearsal and the night before - in the UK, the rehearsal is just that, a simple walk-through of the ceremony, and may only be required for church weddings. Brides spend the night before the wedding with the bridal party, female friends, or their parents, grooms with male friends, the best man, or their parents. Usually this is just a quiet dinner and drinks at home. In the US, it is common to hold a rehearsal dinner for the entire wedding party, hosted by the bride and groom.
11. Ceremony and reception - in both countries, religious weddings will often take place at a separate venue and guests will have to travel to the reception, while secular weddings often take place all in one venue. In the UK, it is also common to have secular ceremonies at the registry office, and then travel to the venue. In addition...
12. In the UK, there are a lot of rules around marriage in Anglican churches. Some divorcees may not be allowed to marry in Anglican churches (e.g. if the new relationship contributed to the break-down of the first marriage - this is not such a hard and fast rule as Catholic churches, where second marriages are only allowed if the first marriage was annulled or the first partner died) so the couple might have the legal wedding at a registry office, then a blessing at a church, then a reception at a third venue. Writing your own vows is much less common in the UK than in the US, but there are rules here too - for a church wedding, it may be compulsory to use the traditional vows (especially in a Catholic church), whereas for a secular wedding at a registry office, religious hymns and church vows are forbidden.
13. In the US, the bridesmaids walk down the aisle first, followed by the bride (and whoever she has asked to give her away, if she asked someone to do this, traditionally her father). In the UK, the bride (and, same thing, whoever is giving her away if she has chosen someone to do this, traditionally her father) walks down the aisle first, with the bridesmaids following behind her - traditionally bridesmaids or flower girls might carry her train. A lot of British couples use the American format these days though, probably because weâve seen too many movies!
14. Seating at top table -Â in the US, the bride and groom usually sit with the best man, Maid/Matron of Honour and the rest of the wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen). In the UK, the couple sit with their parents in a very particular order - the brideâs parents sit either side of the couple, her mother next to the groom, her father next to the bride; the groomâs father sits next to the brideâs mother, the groomâs mother sits next to the brideâs father, then the best man sits on the end next to the groomâs mother and the chief bridesmaid sits on the end next to the groomâs father. Obviously, lots of couples play around with this traditional seating plan depending on how many parents are at the wedding, whether they are a same-sex couple, whether the best man and bridesmaid want to sit with their partners, etc.! But generally, the couple will sit with their parents, rather than, or in addition to, the wedding party.
15. Speeches - in the UK, you get three traditional speeches; Brideâs Father, Groom (this one is just basic thank-yous) and Best Man (this one is generally fairly saucy and makes fun of the groom, as opposed to the Brideâs Fatherâs speech, which generally praises the bride). Lots of couples play with the format to have a woman speaking, but this is still the basic tradition. In the US, these are âtoastsâ - theyâre shorter and less mean! The host (whoever that is) speaks first, then the Best Man, the Maid/Matron of Honour, then one or both of the couple.
16. Cake - the traditional wedding cake in the UK is fruit cake, and you save the top tier for the christening of the first child - itâs fruit cake so you can keep it in the cupboard (this tradition assumes the couple will have children quite quickly!). So many people donât like fruit cake that most wedding cakes in the UK are sponge, with perhaps a top layer of fruit cake as a nod to tradition. In the US, sponge cake is traditional, and you freeze the top tier (freezers were common in the US earlier than in the UK!) and eat it for your first anniversary. In the US, the cake is served as the dessert - in the UK, you finish the meal, including a separate dessert, then do the speeches, then cut the cake and serve it afterwards. Itâs not worth spending too much on cake in the UK - no one is hungry enough to eat it by then!
17. The morning after - some US couples host a breakfast the morning after, and open their gifts then. This is not a tradition in the UK, because traditionally, the couple left during the wedding reception to spend their wedding night somewhere else entirely, on the way to their honeymoon destination. Most UK couples these days prefer to enjoy all of the expensive party theyâve paid for, but they still donât tend to do anything formal the next day. UK wedding guests will go home after the reception (which will finish between 11pm and 1am) if they live nearby, or stay in a hotel and go home the next morning. The couple donât open their gifts until they get back after the honeymoon, and will leave for the honeymoon straight away if they can (depending on practicalities!).
Iâm sure Iâve missed something.......!
