#userwymack

and he fucking goes off on Neil 

not even yelling because Andrew doesn’t care enough to yell

but Neil still feels like he’s been punched

“stop trying to help. you’re just making everything worse. everything was so much easier when you weren’t here.”

and none of this is a lie but Andrew literally feels like his skin is crawling and he is like five seconds away from jumping off the edge of the roof

but it’s also not true, because Neil is the best thing that has ever happened to Andrew

but Andrew hates Neil for that, because it means that days like today are so much worse because Andrew feels like shit for not being there for Neil

but Andrew can’t articulate this, so he says what he says in a flat, slightly snarling, slightly sarcastic tone

and Neil can’t deal with it

because he had noticed, all day, and on every previous day like this, that Andrew flinched when Neil got too close

or that Andrew never made eye contact with Neil

or whatever

so Neil leaves

he leaves because running is how he protects himself

he leaves because Andrew needs to be alone anyway

because Neil is just making things worse

unfortunately, pushing people away is the easiest thing for Andrew to do

so, now that Neil has run off, Andrew can’t pull him back in

and because he can’t deal with the thought that maybe

maybe

Neil just doesn’t want to be with Andrew anymore

that Andrew fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to him

Andrew just works harder to push Neil away

and Neil can’t handle this

he falls apart

his grades, which were already precarious, start slipping, and he only manages to stay afloat because Wymack sits him down and tells him to get his shit together

Neil throws himself into running, into practice, into the weight room, because this is how he punishes himself

because it is his fault that he and Andrew seem to not be a thing anymore

it has to be his fault, right?

Neil had to have done something wrong 

something big enough that Andrew not only pushed Neil away that day, but every day after

Neil and Aaron don’t officially swap rooms again, but Neil is no longer sleeping in the same room with Andrew and Kevin

Neil is no longer really sleeping at all

meanwhile Andrew is getting more violent by the day, because this really is his fault, and he knows it, but how the fuck is he supposed to fix it when Neil keeps running away from him

he knows that Neil isn’t really running, that Andrew is pushing and shoving and slamming doors in Neil’s face to keep him away

Andrew doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t know how to stop

and now Andrew isn’t participating in practice anymore, and he’s lashing out at the team

and Wymack tries to get Neil to do something about it, but Neil just stares at his coach because why does he have to control Andrew?

things keep getting worse

escalating

until Andrew gets frustrated and breaks his racquet during a practice

and Neil…

Neil doesn’t do anything

Neil just stares at Andrew for a second

and then turns to Dan and starts talking about strategy or the new freshmen or anything that isn’t Andrew

Andrew leaves the court

and he just fucking disappears

Neil doesn’t start feeling hollow until day three of Andrew’s absence

and then he starts feelings worried at day four

and guilty at day six

and he’s failing a class and holding onto his GPA with just his fingertips

when Andrew comes back after eight days, the Foxes just point him in Neil’s direction and then make themselves scarce

Neil is relieved to see Andrew but he still doesn’t know what’s going on between them, if anything is going on between them anymore

Neil is the first one to apologize and ask what he did wrong

Andrew wants to punch Neil for taking the blame, but he just turns on his heel and leads Neil to the roof

it’s takes Andrew over an hour and four cigarettes to say “I’m sorry”

and it takes him another two hours to get out enough words for Neil to understand that nothing was Neil’s fault

Neil asks yes or no and Andrew says yes because he’s not about to push Neil away as soon as he got him back

he will force himself into an uncomfortable position just this once if it means keeping Neil

but Neil just takes Andrew’s hand and links their fingers together and stares off to the horizon