#urselfie

   𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃   "  𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐇   𝐎𝐑   𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒  “   𝐅𝐎𝐑   𝐌𝐘   𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄   𝐓𝐎   𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑   𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐘   𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓   𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒.   𝐍𝐎   𝐋𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆   𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐃  . / accepting

It was far from the first time he had been asked about Victoria. After all, they were close. And he still didn't know what the right answer was. Victoria was the only person in this school he felt totally comfortable with. He had a hard time imagining a future where she wasn't a part of it. As if he had set aside a tiny piece of his life aside for her. Even if Nathan didn't see much of a future for himself lately, he did hope she'd still be there for him whatever happened.

And he would hate to fuck that up. In his experience, sex just made things more complicated. It wasn't like he didn't think about it with her. It wasn't like he would turn her down if she approached him. Well, maybe. He wasn't even sure how he would react. Because Victoria didn't see him like that. At all. He knew that. Victoria wasn't into him like that. And that was fine. He didn't care. As long as he could still be around her, it was fine. He didn't think about her like that either.

Love was a blade that cut and cut and cut. Love was a rush. Love was fear and ache. He never felt that with Victoria. It was safety. Comfort. Understanding. It didn't feel like the rush he had with Rachel. It didn't feel like the agony he had with any of the others he felt love for, romantic or otherwise. It was safe. Comfortable.

Was he attracted to her? Of course. Who wasn't? Did he love her? In the capacity that he was able to love someone, yes. The idea of sleeping with her and ruining what they had scared him. He wanted Victoria to stay with him for as long as possible. He didn't want to ruin the feeling he had with her. Friendship. Love. Whatever. So when it came down to honesty? Yeah. Of course he would. But he also wasn't sure he would honestly follow through. Sex had more or less become just another way to forget for him. And he didn't want to put that shit on Victoria. He didn't want to do to her what Rachel and him did. It just made things harder. Plus... As if Victoria would see him that way.

"Obviously. Who fucking wouldn't?" He answers truthfully, not painting the entire picture. He didn't want to fuck up his image with all the sentimental bullshit. "Pretty much everyone in school would kill to spend the night with her.

There are few people in the world that can pull on the heartstrings of Nathan Prescott. He wasn't exactly a kind person. He wasn't the type of person to feel strongly about other people. But Victoria was different. Nathan felt a frown tug at his lips. She had been sending photos to galleries and getting rejected. She was worried about the contest. He bites his tongue. He doesn't want to piss her off. But he really did not want her to win.

The idea of Victoria spending any time alone with Jefferson made him feel sick to his stomach. She reminded him of himself. Enamored with him. Spellbound. Vulnerable. She wasn't his type, he told himself. But that didn't stop the man from throwing her name around any time he sensed any hesitation from Nathan. The idea of it kept him up at night. Well... it was one of the many things. All centered around Jefferson lately.

"You've got a lot of skill, Vic." He didn't want to think of her in the dark room. Like Rachel. he didn't want her alone with Mark. He prayed someone else would win the contest, even if it would burn her. She didn't need Jefferson and his shitty contest to make it. "You'll get there. You work harder than anyone else." She was only of the only people Nathan would try to comfort.

"This contest is like... Not nearly as big of a deal as they act like it is. Don't stress about it." He doubted Jefferson would pick the most skilled. Pretty much every guy was out of the running. Probably wouldn't pick Kate since he already had her. He would probably pick someone like Max or Stella. At least he wouldn't make Nathan do anything. Still, it would be a good idea to have a plan if Victoria got picked. Maybe discretely giving her something to make her sick or miss the flight if she did win. She'd be upset but... Whatever. Why was he even worrying about this? Mark didn't want to do anything to her, right?

"That's sick. I fucking love it." It was easy to not think of the consequences when you're not the one being tormented. Nathan saw Blackwell's drama as little more than entertainment. Victoria was the star, of course. She always seemed to be getting into it with someone. And she always ended up on top. That's why she was the queen of Blackwell. He understood the need to assert power when possible. After all, people at this school would kill to see the both of them fail. Jealousy, resentment, whatever. He didn't bother thinking about it.

"So why is she pissed off at you? Not like it's your fault her boyfriend is a cheating prick. I think you did her a fucking favor." Hearing about Victoria's day is one of the only things that made him feel normal lately. Of course, she would ditch him if she learned how fucked up he was. And any time she talked about Jefferson he wanted to throw up.

Fingers twitched slightly as he watches her speaking. Victoria was talking and he was listening, but it took more time than it should to process her words. Maybe the mix of diazepam and alcohol had gotten to him. Only a little bit of wine but little compared to the double dose of pills he had taken. He couldn't relax, and even now he felt anxiety bubbling inside of his gut. Two Whales Diner wasn't really a place Victoria Chase fit in, but that was true for all of Arcadia. He had offered the place to her suddenly when she said she wanted to talk to him. It had been awhile since they had a one on one.

Nathan had blurted out the name of the diner in an attempt to get them away from Blackwell. He spent most of his time there looking over his shoulder. Gaze drifted to the table as hands wrapped together to stop his fingers from moving. All that did was make him bounce his leg. Tch. Whatever.

Wait, was she asking him a question?

"I'm listening. Jesus." He looks back at her, though it still takes him a few moments to process. He feels sick to his stomach and the smell of food isn't helping. He looks down at the cup of coffee sitting in front of him. His headache tells him to drink it, his nerves tell him he better not.

"Sorry Vic, I didn't sleep last night." And he had practically got up from bed and took a handful of pills washed down with wine. "So, are we still talking about the Kate Marsh video? You really get a kick out of it, huh?" The existence of the video made him anxious. Jefferson had lectured him about it. Dosages and all that. It seemed like no matter what he did, he fucked up. At least she didn't die, he tried to argue. It didn't seem like his mentor found it convincing. He was so fucked.