#update 2021

Acnh update 2021

ENGLISH KING (WONHO) 👑🐰

I bought groceries and prepped the veggies when I got home. I also cored a pineapple and put together some baby carrots with hummus in a small jar.

I've been going overboard with my spending on food... especially fast food due to stress from running into ex fwb at work. I won't speak to him but it's still super upsetting.

Despite my poor eating habits, I managed to go down a pant size since I moved into my new apartment!

Anyways, after I prepped my fruit and veggies, I made eggplant parmesan for the first time. It turned out great!

Other updates:

- Decided to keep trying with college next semester

- Narrowed down neighborhoods for moving back to NYC next year. I need to be able to pay my bills with money from my vanilla job (55k-65k) and not rely on escorting income yet. I think I can make it work but back up plan is to move to Philly instead.

- I wear headphones a lot at my vanilla job and instead of just listening to music...I started to add free audio books (Libby) and motivational speeches.

- I starting paying an extra $250-300 each month towards my rent so I'll have paid an extra 2-3 months early by the end of the year. I want to pay off my lease as quickly as possible 😃

- I bought a stack of journals - 1 food log, 1 running log, 1 cross training log (weights & yoga) and one journal for just a diary.

Hello 👋 Anonymous. Hope you're doing wonderful.

Ohhhh I see. Thank you for letting me know, 'cuz I've never heard of it before :/ Wow, that sounds cool. Do share once it's out then :D I'll definitely check it out. Thanks again.

Hi, in this post I’m going to be going in depth of why I don’t really write fics anymore and where have I been. I want to be transparent. First, I would like to say, sorry for posting like twice a year for Sandcastles. Secondly, I want to say I’m really grateful to people who still message me to this day about my writing. It still brighten up my day. When I started writing in 2016, I did it because it was a creative outlet. I wanted to write about certain things so other people wouldn’t have to. At the time a lot of Chris Evans fic writers were jumping ship and deleting their tumblrs. So I wrote Sandcastles as a little One Shot. I didn’t expect people to become so attached to it, including myself. It was great having a creative outlet but what many of you don’t know is that from 2016-2019 I was mentally suffering. I was deeply depressed it almost crippled my life. I would go to work and go home and I can’t even remember those years that well because of how depressed I was. It really took a huge toll on me, I was stuck in a job I hated but I did it anyway to pay my pills. I was stuck in a pattern and started to gain weight again. I lost maybe 50 pounds in 2014 and I was slowly gaining it back once my mental health started dealing. I noticed it and made me even more unhappy. Which is so crazy because I recently found work out pictures of myself from 2015 and remember how unhappy I was with how I looked and now I’m bigger and it’s like it doesn’t matter what size I was my depression stayed the same… Everything leading up to early 2019, I had to putting writing on a complete break. I had a real mental breakdown, not the kind you half joke about. I had a mental breakdown in the car in the parking lot of my doctors office. I decided to get checked up on with my entire well being. At the time I was also experiencing a neurological issue that I didn’t even know I had yet.  I had several tests done on me so they can exam my brain because my two options where 1. It's either a tumor 2. It's a super rare condition that acts like a tumor. It was number #2 thankfully! That was from early 2019 to early summer 2019. I spent so much in and out of offices getting checked out monthly. I was busy with that. Then I realized, I haven’t had fun in a long time. So I had planned trips because my mental breakdown prior to discovering my issues was so shocking even for me. I had never experienced that before. I became even more conscious of my self sabotaging and spiraling nature. I wanted to change my life. I didn’t want to spend my time thinking anymore, I wanted to be all action. So I took control of my life. I started my own etsy. I had ran one years ago when I was in but it never amounted to anything really. I sadly lost passion and I even tried in 2017 to run it but couldn’t because I was depressed. That’s why I stopped writing around 2019.

When the pandemic happened, I lost my job which ended up being a blessing in disguise because I poured all my passion into my shop. I only DREAMED of working from home and wished upon it ever time I entered that place (my old job).

2020 and 2021 has been so hard for everyone. I know many people who have lost family members, including myself. My grandmother, my rock, passed away this summer. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I’ve lost my father when I was in middle school and even that pain didn’t measure in the pain I felt when I lost my grandmother. My heart was broken. She spent two months in the hospital in and out of ICU. It was the slowest, most painful experience for my family. I cried for the entire month of July and August and thought how could I possibly cry anymore? While the years past, I realize the more we age the more we lose. My personal life has been such a rollercoaster (my whole life really)... Just like Sandcastles. When you’re living an unstable life and writing about it… While it helped me express my emotions it also kept me there in a negative state.

Sandcastles has really let me connect with people who I wouldn’t have connected with if it weren’t for the internet and me hitting the post button. I’m so eternally grateful! But I think I’m ready to end Sandcastles. I want to end it in a way that’s not disappointing to everyone who’s read it. I’m not sure when it’ll be ready. I don’t have a deadline. For now I would like to write more lighter, fun, smutty pieces to get myself back into writing. I felt Sandcastles became my crutch and limited me from writing about other people. I want to write about women, kpop idols, or f1 racers, shows like peaky blinders not just Chris Evans. I want to be able to take requests on all types of people and characters, different topics and so on to challenge myself as a writer. It’s just Sandcastles had way too much of a hold on me. It’s time to let go and start new things and not live in a vicious pattern of hurting. I hope you will still want to read my stories even after I end it.

Love you all and wishing you all the happiness you deserve.

You can call me,