#upanddownriseandfall

I'm reminded every day that I need to say "yes, I want to get up and work because it makes me feel good. It makes me happy and I can buy nice things."

And when I'm alone I'm reminded that I'm going to forever be emotionally scarred by those who have taken advantage of me. That I'm a victim of multiple cases of sexual assault. That I cry when when someone yells at me for any reason, or if I'm scared that someone is mad. That I have PTSD from an abusive childhood and onward.

I. Struggle. Every. Single. Day. To. Even. Wake. Up.

It's taken years to admit and accept these words, these thoughts:

I don't owe anyone a single thing. I do not need another person to complete myself or my happiness. I am happy, alone. I don't need to seek out another person to feel whole. I do not need love from someone in order to love myself. I am beautiful on my own. I am sunshine without the need of fuel from others. I am happy, alone. I don't need to be with someone to prove my self worth to family, friends or myself. I am happy, alone. I shouldn't be afraid to be alone because I'm the strongest person I know. I am not my parents. You can still be incomplete in a relationship and they can't complete you, you must complete yourself and find yourself. I create my happiness. If I want something bad enough I will have it if it's meant to be. I shouldn't force myself to be with someone if I don't feel it's right. It's okay to say no. I am happy, alone.

I repeat some of these sentences more than others because I think about everything all the time.

Finally. I can start to grow and go on my new journey. It’s going to be hard but I’m ready.