#unstableeverything

18, Happy birthday! Welcome to Adult Society. Here's a present, Let's open the box, Look, It's freedom! A hard push, You fall into a hole. You're an adult now, Happy everydaysthesame! You were captured. Now life gets harder, Time moves quicker, Responsibilities grow bigger. But feel free, To do what you must. With all this poison available, And how it makes life bareable. To take off the edge, You drink another flask. It streams through your veins, Goes right to your brains. You search and search, A life worth living. To find meaning, purpose, A breath worth giving. Feeling carelessly, And truly free, Excuse me but... Where and when exactly, Will that be? Seeing so many eyes, Noticing so few alive. Looking drowned, grey, dull, Now on the verge. Of what once was full, 'Cause now you live in the dark. Here we all lose our spark, There’s no space to play. Distraction strikes, It’s keeping you busy And takes your energy away. You lose, you win, How to find the light again? You try to fight back, You try to escape. You start to see, It's all fake. A man-made facade, For you to break. 

Delude in thin air, Sun no longer shining on hair, Fragnance of bed sheets, And no nosebleeds.

To not be, To not see, To not hear, To not smell, To not feel, To not be real.

If not exists, It can't resist, It can't control, Won't take toll.

To not be, To be everything and nothing, At the same time, It will go fast, As slow as nothing was meant to last.

Then time isn't there, Even when it's everywhere, An endless pause, A never stopping cause.

The coin had two sides, Even if one hides, Observe their shape, Know the differences.

Upside down, Downside up, Won't matter, When it's one cup.

Full and empty, Black and white, Wrong and right, Turn it around, It's all one sound, Simulation and reality, Stimulation and lucidity.

To be and not to be, Existence and divinity. Experience being a part, Living is a whole art.

Inspiration:

First visualisation of how I experience existence.

Intrigueing conversation about the world, our existence, coding, bytes, 00101011, with my housemate who is studying ICT aspiring to be a Software Engineer.

The books I read to help me understand humans, the world, gender roles, creative institutions and communication with other people in an effective way:

Mariska and I booked a photostudio at the academy for three days. From the 4th of November to the 6th. We worked hard to photograph and build up suitable scenery’s for the selected alterego. The pictures are made and we learned a lot about studio photography, modelling, building scenery’s and aswell how to get me in the right mindset to photograph the right behaviour fitting the alter. We stil have to edit the pictures, we will do that together as I am not that experienced with that. That way I can learn something from her skills.

Her are some sneakpeaks of the big high quality images: