#unspecified pairing

“Where’s my little baby?”

There was a rustling under the covers for a second before Hayoung’s head popped out, a bright grin on her face and her hair an absolute mess. A hand entered the frame from the side to try and smooth it out, only to be halted by Hayoung kissing the closest finger. Hayoung burst into peals of excited giggles as the camera jerked back.

“Eww! Baby cooties!”

The hand was quickly wiped against the blanket, and the shaking of the camera almost made it impossible to see Hayoung rolling around in tears, laughing. Everything eventually stilled, with Hayoung cuddling with one of the massive pillows, the hand resting on her waist. It stroked her side for a moment before slipping under the fabric of her shirt, caressing the soft skin of her hips. Hayoung’s eyes were huge and bright, almost sparkling in the lamplight.

“Who do you love?”

Hayoung hummed, her smile softening with affection. “You, unnie…”

“Mmhmm, and who loves you most in the whole wide world?”

She giggled, reaching out to bat at the hand on her waist. “You, unnie!”

The camera got closer and closer, until it was pushed to the side, and all that was heard was the sound of soft, loving kisses.

-----

Hayoung blinked the tears out of her eyes, silently stopping the video and turning her phone off. She rolled onto her back, staring up at the dark ceiling. The lamps were long gone, and the glass cover of the light had broken. She didn’t have the motivation to fix it.

The rest of the room was in the same state. The shelves, once filled with knick-knacks and little treasures – memories – were empty, filled instead with dust. The quilt she had loved to roll herself up in was gone, and so were the huge pillows, perfect for cuddling. Really, there wasn’t much in the room anymore besides the bed.

She didn’t have the heart to try and fill it.

Unable to just lie there and wallow in the memories, she rolled back over, turning her phone back on. She opened another video randomly, hoping to escape, back to the times she could smile and mean it.

As soon as it opened, she knew she had chosen wrong, but her guilty heart wouldn’t let her close it.

-----

“Nineteen…twenty…and…twenty-one candles on the birthday cake, twenty one years on the birthday girl…”

The cake was gorgeous. Three layers of red velvet with sky blue frosting and pale yellow edible flowers. In all honestly, it looked like something the two would never be able to afford.

“…I hope she likes it. I want this to be the best night of her life…”

The door opened, and the camera jerked up, away from the cake. Hayoung walked in, kicking her shoes off with an angry grimace on her face.

“Hey, baby!”

Hayoung scowled over towards the camera, visibly more annoyed as she noticed the camera was on. “Are you serious? God, could you put that thing away for like, five minutes? It’s like it was glued to your hand or something.”

The camera slowly panned down, easily showing off the veritable feast that had been laid out on the counter.

“Yeah, sorry, I shouldn’t have had it out.”

Hayoung just scoffed, and the camera showed her brushing past with barely a glance at the beautiful cake. “Whatever. I’m going to go have a shower.”

There was a pause before the slam of a door, then silence for a minute. It was broken by a shaky voice.

“I’m…I’m sorry…”

-----

Hayoung squeezed her eyes shut, her tears soaking through her pillow.

She didn’t even remember what she had been so pissed about, but it had ruined something that had taken months to prepare and plan for. More than anything else, she wished it was something she could find an excuse for, but there was nothing. That had been entirely her fault.

Now, of course, there was nothing she could do about it. She wanted to go back in time and beat her younger self over the head.

Opening her eyes, she noticed her phone had auto played the next video.

-----

“Hayoung, please, you know I’d never-“

She was cut off by the sound of ceramics shattering. The camera could only barely catch Hayoung in the edge of the frame, but the pieces of the mug that skittered into view were easily recognizable.

It had been a present on their first date.

“Don’t lie to me!”

“I’m not!”

“You are! She told me where you were, who you were with!”

There was a stifled sob, a heart wrenching sound that carried so, so much pain in it. “Please, baby, please just let me explain…”

“…don’t call me that…”

“Hayoung…”

“Just get out! I don’t want you here anymore.”

There was a long silence, before a hand covered the camera’s view and lifted it away. Nothing was said as she left, but the camera still picked up the sobs before it was turned off.

-----

Hayoung quickly exited out of the app before she could torture herself anymore. She couldn’t breathe, she could barely see, and it felt like her body was about to fall apart.

All she wanted was to fix this, to show that she had changed, that she was nothing without her unnie. Nothing without the one that loved her most in the world.

But she couldn’t. Not anymore.

Fumbling to open her phone, Hayoung easily typed in the number that she had longed since memorized and hit call, pressing the phone to her ear.

“…the number you are trying to reach is not available, please leave a message after the tone…”

Hayoung took a breath, trying to steady herself a bit.

“Hey, unnie, it’s me again…your baby. It’s probably just Hayoung now, isn’t it? I don’t…I don’t really deserve to be your baby, do I?”

She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling and trying to stop her chin from trembling. “I…I know I messed up. I know you’d never be able to forgive me. To be honest, I don’t forgive myself. I just…I guess I want you to know that it was never you. It was never your fault. I was the one who was doing something wrong, not you. Never you.

“…a year, and I still don’t know what to say. Just…I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy. I know I didn’t exactly make your life the best, so I hope you’re better off without me.”

She felt fresh tears trickle down her face. “I love you, unnie. The most in the world.”

Hayoung hung up, rolling onto her side and curling around her phone. The last thing she saw before she finally passed out was her lockscreen, and she felt her heart shatter all over again.

1997 ~ 2019