Aevar sat on the edge of the dock looking out into the bay. Watching the ship sails flutter in the wind. Watching the marine life crest the smooth still water of the frigid Fjord morning. It was quiet, calm peaceful. Aevar liked that, at least right now. He needed this time to think about the recent events. Sure he could sit in his room at the inn and think, it would be warmer there, but Aevar had promised Cerri he would get out of his room. Try to socialize with the other members of the House, even if a little bit. He promised her that, and he was a man of his word, or at least he tried to be.

Aevar rubbed his hands together, he looked down to the water, staring at the reflection of himself --

"All I see is a failure...a good for nothing failure. Yeah sure you helped save Lady Breianna and Lady Meryim from the clutches of that fat bastard, but there was others there, hell there was an entire army providing a distraction. But you made a promise to Tayllah, you said you would watch Alex's back and he would watch yours...yet look who is sitting on this fucking dock and who is probably getting tortured...you failed yourself, you failed the House, you failed Tayllah. You call yourself a Protectorate, defender of those that are under the Banner of House Haethon, yet you couldn't protect one man, a man you consider your friend. Instead you became a tool of his captor...a messenger boy..." Aevar scoffed, letting out a pained laughed "Twice in fact have I been his tool...twice he has spared me...he is right there will not be a third, he is damn right because the next time we meet...I will be watching as Alex drives a dagger straight through his skull. The next time we meet I will be lighting the fire that burns his body to ash so that he can never come back to harm Tayllah, to harm my friends....to harm my family."

Aevar stood up still staring at himself in the reflective water. He shook his head turning to walk away towards the inn. He didn't bother to speak to anyone, just headed straight for his room. It was more organized then he could have ever made it. Cerri did a good job considering the mess he had made only nights before. He smiled lightly thinking of her, she has helped him through this more then the others, she offered a shoulder when he needed one most and he admired her for that. He entered the room trying to keep it organized, it looked good this way. He approached the foot locker at the end of his bed, he pulled the key from around his neck to unlock the chest and rummaged for his journal. It had worked for him in the past while he was in Draenor, maybe it could help now. He pulled out the neatly bound Leather book, still in good condition from lack of use lately. He flipped through the pages reading the entries he had written back in Draenor. He could feel the anger in the words he had written even now. "Why am I so angry..." He flipped through each page reading his past thoughts. "Am I really like this...is this all that defines me as a person, these anger,guilt filled words..." He took a moment to just sit on his bed, journal just gripped in his hands. After a few minutes he would take off his chest piece and the shirt underneath staring at the scar that adorned the front of his upper right chest, the disgusting Shadowmoon Clan crest just staring back at him. The memories of that day rush back to him...he could almost feel the pain of that cursed Dagger digging into his skin. He fell to his knees staring to the floor, he was sobbing a little bit. His left hand moved to cover the scar 

"Why do you have to be so stubborn. You cause everything that happens to you yet you get angry when people try to help you...you get mad and try pushing them away because of your pride. Because you think you grew up on your own for a few years you think you don't need anyone...." He looks up, just his head peering into the Mirror, he wipes away the few tears the adorn his cheek. "You fool yourself saying you don't need anyone...but you do. You need everyone in this House. They let you in with arms wide opened and you forget that...Mother...Father...they may be dead...they wanted you to have more...they raised you better then to be an arrogant self centered fool. You are shaming them with the way you act...they may be gone...but you still have a family. A family that has put up with your shit...and you show no gratefulness for it. You are shaming them as well. You need to fix yourself. Become the man your parents raised. Become the Protectorate you need to be for this House. Be the friend you need to be to whoever needs it. You need to be the real you now...the game is over...the farce is up. Time to start new Aevar Stenwulf." 

Aever stood up and put his shirt back on covering the scar that he hated so much. He grabbed his Journal opening it to a fresh page.

This journal has been an escape for me. A way to vent my anger in the past. As i read the past pages I have come to realize the kind of person I am. My anger may not show on the outside, at least not all the time, but after reading the words that developed in my mind over weeks and months, it is clear to me now. The recent events have mentally destroyed me. Finding out Breianna was kidnapped, I felt like I had not done my job as a Protectorate, but as a House we stood together and got her back. But barely a day or two after that was the event that has me writing this journal entry. A simple mission, to see where a foe may be hiding ended up going horrible wrong. Alex was taken prisoner by the Hooded figure, I myself wounded and used as a pawn in his game. Mentally it has destroyed me. Ever since i first met that figure face to face...I see him in my sleep every night...it haunts me even when that nightmare passes. I feel responsible for Alex's capture...he gave up because the bastard held me to knife point...I feel it is my fault.

I can't stand to even show my face to Tayllah. She probably hates me for not following through with the promise I made to her. I haven't seen her since that night, the look on her face when she realized what had happened to Alex, it made my heart drop. She must be so lonely in that House, she may have Ophie and the Governess, but what she must think every time she looks towards those Mountains, knowing her fiance is somewhere out there getting the worst of her mentors punishment. I need to see her, I need to tell her I am sorry. I just hope she will listen.

But where there is darkness there is light. I think my light has come from Lady Leighton...Cerri. I don't know I just feel calm around her, something I need. I feel i can talk with her about anything that bothers me, and I hope with How i have acted with her she feels she can do the same with me. I know she is seeing another, I respect that, regardless of that I hope we can have a friendship, one where even though I wish we were together, she can still trust me to be there for her.

I guess this entry is going to be short...I feel as though I said all I can say. I know this will not help with the issues going on in my mind now, but just the act of writing about it helps me see more clearly. I just hope things can be right again within the House, that calm can be restored. For everyone's sake.