#unlovable?

no duh i want them to feel bad

Currently in the process of moving this weekend and I need caffeine to get through it obv, but while giving me energy, caffeine also convinces me that I am the lamest person in the history of ever and also all my friends hate me :') at least it's a good hair day though

Wieso ist es eigentlich so viel einfacher an Drogen zu kommen, als jemanden zu finden mit dem man sein leben teilen könnt.

I feel so pathetic right now haha cuz I casually said to my friend that I don't think there's anyone made for me I'm not the love type I'll just work till I die AS A JOKE OF COURSE but she said nooo you're a human too and you deserve to be loved you're so lovable and here I'm sitting in my room alone crying *fake tears haha ofcourse I don't cry I'm Hulk* cuz I do wonder maybe others don't think of me as lowly as I think of myself (?) Or maybe they don't know me enough and I'm actually unlovable and I'm just pretending to be nice infront of them and that makes me more pathetic person (?) ... I wish my brain could align with the concept of me being loved...I love the idea of love...I know how to love ... But I feel like I'm not someone that someone can love like the way I love others (in a romantic manner) ...

.

I really wanna be proud of who I am, but most days I wonder if I’d choose to be cishet and loved by my parents or be who I am now and stay the family disappointment and shame if I had a choice. And I’m not sure of the answer.

Me?