This week was a large bout of ups and downs. I had to hand in both a paper and a midterm this week and that paper was beating my ass so it was super stressful for me. As much as I'd vowed to finish both the paper and the midterm the week before, I didn't manage to do it. The paper because it was too hard and the midterm because we still had a question round on Tuesday so it would've been stupid of me to hand it in earlier. However, upon second review of the texts and layout, I managed to write a paper that I was satisfied with. Putting it down for once, had been the right decision. Oh, and I forgot to mention this initially, but I did end up getting 2/2 marks for this paper!! I did sort of okay for the first few days but my brain was still not fully focussed because of how much stress I was receiving so I ended up faling behind quite far throughout the week. i'm going to have to catch up with some ethics notes the next week sadly, but since i have no papers or midterms I think it'll be fine.  I did make a friend, I think. A girl from class who I've talked to a few times now, said she'd be willing to show me around the city and talk about our philosophy of science papers together, mainly because we are also in the same master thesis group. I felt really happy when she suggested it because I'd been too scared to ask her.  I also started talking to the lovely @kissmekook this week. I mean we'd talked before but, now we're like talking talking. She's so nice and we kind of bonded over our love for reading/writing, angst and dark themes, and our just absolutely wild brains. You guys should go give her a follow. My heart to heart with my sweet beta @guksweet (that's an unintended pun) was also really good, it's nice to have a place to vent where you won't be judged. You guys should follow her too.  I also did a lot of thinking about Fool's Gold again this week. I'm stressed about some parts of it, which I think i expressed. There's dark topics and I just don't want to end up romanticising it, but I also have to realise that if some people see it in a romantic way even though I didn't explicitly write it as such. I hope that you guys will appreciate the series. I can now officially say it will be 20 chapters long and will have over 250k words.  Overall, this week was not too bad, but it had a lot of ups and downs.  Week Rating: 3/5 Something I learned: Just because someone sees something romantically doesn't mean you are romanticising it. The experience of reading something is always the sum of what you wrote and a person's perceptions and habits. 

This week, compared to the two before felt like it was on a way up. Even though I still wasn't able to keep up with all my school work I feel like I did better than the weeks before. I'm slowly gaining purchase again. And I have the next three weeks off so that's good. I have time to catch up.  I think this week was quite a good one. I got myself a really awesome birthday present, a new mechanical keyboard. It's so clacky and feels so nice to my fingers. It's making me quite fast so I love it, but I might want to invest into a desk mat. I also want to get these really cute pink and white keycaps for it...but they're a little expensive so we shall see.  Thanks to my lovely friend @wintaejk this week got a lot better, she let me borrow her second ticket for the BTS concert so I could watch it with her. I really enjoyed it. I missed the boys so much, they did so well. And I made some new friends too through some texting and posting.  I don't really have a lot to say other than this, not much happened. I did pick up cross stitching again, so I hope I'll have some time to work on that over the free weeks. I want to get a quarter into the project before the end of the year but that's going to be a hard task.  Week Rating: 3.5/5 Something I learned: You can love the people you love the way you want to love them as long as you are respectful of them as a person. What other people have to say about it, doesn't matter. 

This one comes a little late, but honestly it's pretty representative of how things have been going for me. After I went through a bit of a rough time between week 3 and 4, I got stuck in a rut. I couldn't motivate myself to do anything, not even game, or draw. I just ended up doing super mindless things. I didn't want to walk, I didn't want to cook or anything. And it was really hard to not fall into a mindset of 'I'm so bad for not doing anything'. I tried to figure out for myself what was causing this lethargic(?) feeling. I can't truly pinpoint it, but my guess is that it has something to do with the fact that I was a little burnt out from working so hard the first few weeks. Or it's related to me having a lot of anxiety  bursts throughout the time period before that.  That being said, I ended up revising what was going on with my work and pushed all of it to my 3 week break. I told myself it would be easier to just do this one week later and do the next week as normal, than to try and catch up. Because I was still trying to catch up from week 4 and that just made everything too crowded. So let's hope that everything goes better now! That said, I finally finished telling @kissmekook​ about all the details in my upcoming fics (except for the ending of course). I'm so happy that she's so excited for everything and that she's enjoyed her time talking to me. A lot of thanks to @fallinforkoo​ and @guksweet​ for helping me figure out the last bits of plot I had left. I can now officially say that Fool's Gold will have a prologue, 24 chapters and an epilogue (if I finish it that is). I'm so excited to share this story with all of you.  Oh I got my grade back for my Logic midterm, I scored an 8.6/10 (in Dutch university terms that is really good). So yay me on that! AND I ordered a new macbook, because honestly my old baby has been getting so slow with how much I've been asking from it after 4.5 years. She has served me well, I have never had any issues with my 2015 macbook air. It's just old and with the way I use it, which is demanding and continuous, it requires me to have something stronger. So I ordered a Macbook Pro (2020, 1.4 i5, 16Gb, 256Gb in silver) with a white casing (they didn't have pink TT.TT). It should be here within a week or two! And I may or may not have pre-ordered BE as a birthday present to myself.  Week Rating: 2.5/5 Something I learned: As hard as you may try, you're going to have bad weeks. However, what matters is how you get through them and learn from them.

I'm so glad I did a lot of food prep for this week because boy it was not a great one. It started off okay, but I was already stressing with my second paper. Then it turned out I got only 1/2 marks for my first paper which made me sad. Additionally my Logic teacher decided to drop on us that making the take home midterm would take more than a day and bish I didn't have time. I had a fucking paper to write.  I was trying to stay calm but it all just kept kind of building and building between Tuesday and Thursday until a point where I just kind of crashed on Thursday evening. I was super drained and tired and kind of down so I just cancelled my uni work for that night and just sat down on the couch. Which turned into me writing a fic that I haven't touched in a long time. I wrote 3k, and I'm really proud of it. Though, I was kind of weirded out by the experience cuz I sort of dissociated when I wrote it. But according to my friends it turned out really good.  Work was okay this week, I got to stay late and make some good money. I also finished the midterm early (the teach was rlly just on a high horse). So I did start to feel better towards the end of the week, partially thanks to the lovely @fallinforkoo making my days a little brighter.  Lastly, on Sunday, I finally got to do some planning for one of my upcoming fics. Fool's Gold, a Jungkook Mafia!Au!! Week Rating: 2.5/5 Something I learned: I have ADHD

— Gwaen