Well, Mom, apparently Butters is gay, finds me very attractive, and, confused about his sexual identity, puked up all over my floor.

Dylan: Fellow students, over the past week, there's been a lot of confusion, and so we have asked this assembly to clarify the difference between goth kids and vampire kids. Let us make it abundantly clear. If you hate life, truly hate the sun and need to smoke and drink coffee, you are goth. If, however, you like dressing in black because it's fun, enjoy putting sparkles on your cheeks and following into a cult while avoiding things that are bad for your health, then you are most likely a douchebag vampire wannabe boner. Because anyone who thinks they are actually a vampire is freaking retarded.