yeah, I have been thinking about this a lot lately how others see me? It is clear that it mostly depends on me what I am showing and how is the other person’s attitude towards me or how he/she sees the world, who is this person who I stand next to, who is this person who I think is constantly looking at me an I am trying to escape from the gaze... the gazes... other people’s gazes which I hate so much... even though I am applying it everytime if I want to understand something or I am bewitched by something beautiful or intelligent like a mantis bewitches his prey... I am often told to stop looking at the person I am talking with but it is so hard to stop the desire to engulfe the person who I am attracted to at the moment.
tbh I am caught between being a mantis and a prey as well and I don’t know why I am also enjoying it but sometimes it makes me go crazy like the real crazy when you don’t know what is real and not real about you but when you do it from time to time when you come to your mind you realize it has became yours. You have it and unconsciously use it.
so what do others think of me? And why do I bother about the thoughts of others when I don’t understand clearly myself?
