#undallesofuckyeah

Long time no see. I don't really know what to say. My mind is quite full at the moment. School's been really hard. I'm trying to get a lot of sleep but it isn't working that well. Maybe that's the reason I'm starting this post now. Because it helped me throughout my dark times. Have a good night, world.

I really don't know what's wrong with me. Some people are just so nice to me and I still feel so empty. And I hurt the ones I love the most but that is nothing new. I don't know what to do. I need everything to be okay and I have to say to myself that everything is enough and so am I.

If you only knew how much I miss you. I've changed and I hope you're still looking down to me being proud because that is everything that keeps me going. Sometimes I want to call you, but I know you won't be there. It is so hard to believe that and it rips out my heart every time when I go down the way to your house. The one you taught me how to ride a bike on. I can't smell your parfume when I unlock the door and I know I will never be able to eat your cakes again. But the worst thing is, I will never have the chance to tell you how much Iove you again, I can never hug you again. And I know seeing me cry breaks your heart but I really miss you. And no day goes by without me thinking about you. I love you and I am so thankful for everything you gave me. Fortunately, I know you're fine where you are. Just keep looking on your little girl now and then. I need you.

I know I wanted to update this blog almost every day but the thing is, almost every day is boring. Last weekend I went to a party and the next day we celebrated my uncles birthday. It was a great weekend but I didn't have time for myself. The best thing was seeing my sister again. Today 4 of my classes were canceled which was amazing. I also survived my first PE class this year. That was everything special so far. Have a good night. <3

Today was the third day of school. I'm so happy with my timetable and my teachers are also quite nice. But I'm sad that I've got a new teacher in English because my previous one was amazing. Nevertheless, I feel good at the moment. Tomorrow is my first math class and also the first one in music. I'm excited but also scared, as always. I just made my homework for English tomorrow. It was about the news in America and I wrote something about the carbon dioxide emission which was pretty interesting. But I'm not sure if I should volunteer to read it out loud. Anyways, right now I watch some TV. Hope you all had a nice day.

The 6 weeks of awesomeness are over. Tomorrow starts a new chapter, as I like to call it. I'm still both very excited and afraid. I think this is the perfect time to write about my holiday. I spend a lot of time with my best friend. We had tons of sleepovers, went to partys and visited Berlin to go shopping there. A friend of her invited us to her 18. birthday which was pretty amazing. We had so much fun, that's why we stayed till 3 am or so. Unfortunately, a festival we wanted to go to was canceled. But still we had a lot of great times together. A really sad thing that happened was that a friend of my family died two weeks ago. Rest In Peace big hero, we will always miss you and I will paint you that picture of a bird that you always wanted. Well, of course I spend some time with my love. I feel like no one knows me so well as he does. I'm so grateful for him. A few days ago, I went to Hamburg to visit my sister, I think I told you about that. Of course there are many other things that happened in the last 6 weeks and I am glad that I made all of those experiences. I have to mention that these were the first summer holidays in years in wich I didn't feel bad all time. I'm so happy to say that. Hope you all have a good sleep tonight and to those who have their first day of school tomorrow: just keep moving, I know you all can do it. Whatever will happen, you are good enough, you are loved, always.

School starts on monday. I'm quite excited and afraid at the same time. On Tuesday I visited my sister in Hamburg and stayed till Wednesday. It was so much fun. We ordered pizza at Domono's (which was amazing btw) and went shopping. But the best thing was spending time with her. I regret that I stayed for only one night because I miss her so much. Today way a pretty bad day because I felt so weird and I was really annoyed. I'm so sorry for that. Let's hope tomorrow will be better.

The last couple days I slept at my best friends house. Yesterday, we went to a festival called "Bubblebeat". We had a lot of fun although my shoes and trousers look like crap because of the huge amount of foam that flew through the air. Anyway, we went to Hamburg this morning to bring my sister back there. I already miss her even if we were arguing a lot. It is so strange to be home without this girl. Also I miss my boy so much, maybe you know how good it feels to have somebody who always understands you and if so, you'll also know that it's the worst feeling ever to be without this person. I really try my best to keep moving with my head held high, but things are going to be worse at the moment. Maybe, or better sais HOPEFULLY, it's just a saturday-night-laying-in-bed-and-thinking-about-life thing. Have a good night world.