#unconditional worthiness

Writing these words produces the sensation of shock within my body. 

As I relay this message to you, I am reminded of each time I have been paralyzed by shame. 

Are you familiar with this feeling? I am. And I know of the toxic cycle it induces:

Shame--> unhealthy behavior in an attempt to ease the pain--> more shame

More hiding. 

So to my dear friends experiencing toxic shame...

I want to send you a love letter today. 

I want to call you out of hiding. 

I want to ask you to be brave enough to believe that you are still loveable.

[I love you. No matter what.] 

This doesn’t mean I don’t hold you accountable for being your best self...

rather, it means I believe in you and your ability to do just that. 

Holding you accountable means holding you within society- creating space for you to show up. 

It means I release judgment upon your worthiness, based off of my own biases, and trust in your ability to know what your best self looks like. 

It means I drop assumptions and challenge my own thinking. It means I stop placing myself on a pedestal above you. 

and it means I continually communicate with you about how your actions are impacting me and seek to understand how my actions are impacting you. 

This is connection. This is healing. This is HOPE.

and this hope is a vow never to write you off or exclude you from the opportunity of showing up. 

I accept you just as you are. I vow to meet you where you are at and I vow to seek to understand.

Your soul is an untouchable piece of perfection- worthy no matter what. 

And when I write this love letter to you, I am writing this love letter to myself- because we are connected. We need each other. We are one.

and maybe our combined voices can shift the way society sees us

...and shift the way we see ourselves.

because regardless of how divided we may seem at the moment, we are intricately connected.

We share the same molecules.

We are one collective whole. 

We depend upon the same resources. 

We depend upon each other- 

and your success is directly linked to my success. 

When you are not successful, I am not successful.

When you are healed, I am healed. 

The presence of pain and suffering in even the smallest part of this whole- is a pain that impacts all of humankind. 

We must seek to heal each other like we would heal the wounds of our own body. 

My brother or sister’s shame and exclusion is a direct threat to my own feelings of inclusion. 

When I see my brother or sister excluded- I feel the fear of exclusion. I internalize their pain. 

So I want to tell you that, no matter what, you are worthy. Is that hard to stomach? 

You belong. You Belong. YOU belong. 

We belong.

No matter our mistakes 

No matter what society has told us about our varying identities 

No matter the things we believe we need to hide about ourselves (or the things that terrify us into silence) 

and no matter the things we cannot hide about ourselves. 

Our ability to hold onto hope is our saving grace. Our willingness to be vulnerable with our truth and show up is where our power lies.  

Shame is the result of conditioned love. “I only love you if...” 

That excluding word- “if” is like a door that pushes people out of society and excludes them from participation and connection. 

So in this love letter, instead of saying, “I only love you if...” I want to say,

“I love you. I love you so much that I am willing to listen- and I am willing to speak honestly. I am willing to challenge my preconceived notions and improve our relationship no matter what. This is because I desire to connect with you and I desire our combined success- and I need you”. 

We will get through this as long as we are committed to our unity and healing. 

Love, 

Today, I vow to accept where I am...

to dig my toes in the dirt, like roots...

To bloom;

With my face towards the sun!

I lean into all that I am:

The sting of the fresh cut

the sweet of the morning dew.

a garden of overgrown vines.

I lean into you.

Mother,

we are the seeds you planted.

And this birthing of flowers-

this breaking open-

...it is our sacred birthright!

My friend, I vow never to apologize for my soiled feet again

Or the footprints they leave along your garden path.

Because We belong to each other...and this is my way of finding you.

This is Our holy bond: our Humanity.

We grow together.

We bloom.

wild.

in perfect timing.