#unc19

I was really hesitant about writing my first blog post. Not because I was afraid no one would read it- the opposite, in fact, I was dreading it being read by anyone- but because I don't consider my ramblings to be neat enough to be written about. But I guess everything has to start somewhere. 

Like my Twitter. I joined Twitter because I was tired of being out of the loop. And because Gary more or less told us we're ridiculous if we're in the journalism field but don't have a regular Twitter account. He may be right. We'll see.

Yesterday, though, when I was looking at Twitter (still getting the hang of re-tweeting and all that, so for now I just browse), I noticed that a lot of acceptance letters were circulating my feed. Students of the class of 2023 are getting admissions offers and are set to enter their first year in the fall, and seeing their excitement and pure joy made me feel incredibly guilty. It led me down a path of some intense throwbacks to when I accepted UNC's offer of admission.

For me, that day was filled with defeat, reluctance, and overwhelming sadness.

UNC was nowhere near my first choice. It was my last, actually. In high school, I had applied primarily to art schools with every intention of studying concept art and getting out of North Carolina. Unfortunately, money is usually a deciding factor in college choices, and so I came here.

I'm not proud when I say that I spent the next 4 years talking shit to everyone I knew- complaining about how much I hate this course, that course, X professor, Y professor, how I wish I would've gone to art school, how I'm never going to achieve my dreams because money is a barrier to an education in the field you wish to pursue, how I'd rather drop out than be here, how I should have never gone to college in the first place, because even that would be better than being here.

I was miserable.

Suffice to say, I'm still here somehow, finishing up my undergrad in my 5th year.

I'm not sure what changed. Maybe my mind finally went through the 5 stages of grief and landed on 'acceptance' at the beginning of my 5th year. Maybe I finally felt more comfortable with myself, my body, my mind, my relationships (or lack thereof). But I know as soon as I entered my final year, I was determined to change my path.

Except it wasn't all just me- and it took a lot of self-reflection (when trying to think of blog posts) to figure that out.

UNC has changed me for the better, and not just in my senior year.

At UNC, even during my bad years where I struggled with depression more than ever, I still have amazing memories, and professors that have changed my path and my life. 

I have also found... 

Roommates that made me realize what qualities I preferred in a roommate, and what I didn't

Classes in topics that sparked unknown interests in me: archeology, tennis, branding, game design, printmaking, and the death penalty 

Classes that I thought I would love but absolutely loathed: french, painting, swimming, math logic, and fashion

Jobs that were just jobs until I found a sense of community within them

Interests that I would have never have ever thought of in high school, like weight training and eating clean

The sense of self-motivation to learn digital art techniques on the side of taking 18-hour semesters and working 10-20 hours a week, so that I may build up a portfolio and become a visual development artist one day

The number of opportunities that I have been able to try and succeed in astound me when lumped together. By luck or by brute force, I have managed to push myself further than I ever thought imaginable. I was probably one of the most shy people in our high school class, yet here at UNC I've been a leader in more than just one project, more than just one class, more than just one job. 

Although I tend to fall into the pits of my anxiety, I know I've done more than I ever thought imaginable here. If I had gone to art school, would I have had these opportunities, would I have changed this much as a person? I'll never know, but I've finally stopped trying to wonder. I'm proud of my time here, and all I've learned at UNC.

So if you're not as pumped about coming here, or if you're in the middle of your career here and feel lost, those annoyingly motivational people are right. You will find your place here, and you will thrive. You may not realize it at the beginning, or even until the end, or maybe until years have passed and you're looking back on your life, but everything has its place in the universe, and you are coming here for a reason.