Oct 4, 2017
Everybody has somebody that is their go to person. Their #1.... whether it be a best friend, a significant other, a sibling, a relative... what about me? No one has me.
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Everybody has somebody that is their go to person. Their #1.... whether it be a best friend, a significant other, a sibling, a relative... what about me? No one has me.
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I donāt want to change who I am, but I feel that it becoming my only option. As a sweet kind individual, people treat me like shit. And I am alone and empty. And in a constant cycle of hurt. Maybe if I become a selfish bitch, people will like me.
Suicide is selfish.
But so is letting someone you ācareā about suffer everyday, expecting them to live through that suffering to please the ones around them.
I bet at my funeral, many people will say that they loved me and wished that they wouldāve been there for me. But right now, before I am dead, no one will take that step to make sure I am okay. No one.
"Never forget. Their strength is why I am free."
Me
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Losing My Way
Losing: toĀ be deprived of or cease to have or retain
My:Ā belonging to or associated with the speaker.
Way:Ā a road, track, path, or street for traveling along.
Iām losing my way.Ā
Iām losing my glimmer of light.Ā
I am losing my life.
My fight.
Searching to fill the tiniest of voids
Unsatisfactions overtaking my memories.
Why?
Incompetence.
Nothing is ever enough.
Enough is always nothing.
Confusion.
Sadness.
Tears.
And more tears.
And more tears.
And more.
Until cuts.
And blood.
And more.
But nothing.
No feeling.
No burning.
No soul.
Just nothing.
WHY IS MY LIFE FILLED WITH NOTHING............
Why?
2/11
12: 12/27 Thoughts
My entire life, I have based my importance on whether or not I was liked or loved by others. The more others liked me, the more I felt like I was somewhat enough. Iād go all out for people who did not deserve shit from me and Iād always end up getting hurt. There are several people, who at one point in my life... I believed that I could not live without and now, none of them are even in my life anymore. I am slowly but surely learning to find myself and only myself as enough. I donāt chase people anymore, I donāt go all out for undeserving people or to get people to like me. I donāt have the time anymore. My goal in life is to be content within my soul and my body, fuck trying to appease and please other people...Ā itās always left me hurting and empty.Ā
Epiphany....
Iāve realized that during my journey of life, I always tend to lose my friendsā¦. Always. And Iām beginning to wonder if itās because I keep trying to find acceptance and love in those people instead of with God. And so in turn, God gets rid of those people in my life to try to get me closer to Him but Iām just dumb so I think He doesnāt love me and everyone leavesā¦.. I think Iām going to try to do it the right way this time and not put anything or anyone before God and learn to truly trust that He will give me the desires of my heart as long as I trust and put Him firstā¦. Itās worth a shotā¦ I have nothing to lose. OFFICIALLY LIVING THE GODLIEST VERSION OF LIFE I POSSIBLY CANā¦ Starting now at 12:01am. šš¾