#ulmer

"Ulmer, stooped and grey-bearded and loose of skin and limb, stepped to the mark and pulled an arrow from the quiver at his waist. In his youth he had been an outlaw, a member of the infamous Kingswood Brotherhood. He claimed he'd once put an arrow through the hand of the White Bull of the Kingsguard to steal a kiss from the lips of a Dornish princess. He had stolen her jewels too, and a chest of golden dragons, but it was the kiss he liked to boast of in his cups."

- A Storm of Swords - Samwell II

Then we have this:

"Ser Barristan of House Selmy... Rescued Lady Jeyne Swann and her septa from the Kingswood Brotherhood, defeating Simon Toyne and the Smiling Knight, and slaying the former."

- A Storm of Swords - Jaime VIII

Ulmer is an old and bored man, stuck for life in a penal colony, who likes to boast of his illegal achievements.

I think he jammed together certain details of two separate incidents, one involving Lady Jeyne of House Swann from the eastern Dornish Marches, and the other involving Princess Elia Martell of Dorne, to make his reputation more fearsome with sordid deeds, as evidenced by his often telling tall tales about the Kingswood Brotherhood to the men at Castle Black.

I'm sure Umer did a lot of misdeeds as a member of an infamous outlaw organization of yore, and he and his fellow outlaws probably did attempt to rob the retinue of Princess Elia Martell, but I just don't see how he could have actually gotten anywhere close enough to Princess Elia herself, who was most likely betrothed to Rhaegar Targaryen at this time, to be able to steal a kiss from her.

Where were her guards?

Yeah, the White Bull of the Kingsguard was there, according to Umer, and the White Bull is most certainly Ser Gerold Hightower, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, but...

I'm pretty certain an ARROW THROUGH THE HAND is a pretty big career- if not life -ending injury!

How on earth did Ser Gerold survive this! Enough to just go on being not only a Kingsguard, but continue on as the Lord Commander of the institution, and then to die fighting against Ned Stark and his companions years later at the Tower of Joy?!?

And, again, where were Elia's other guards? The Dornishmen! The Targaryen guards! Where?!?

Again, the whole thing with Elia, Ulmer and Gerold is asking me to suspend my disbelief too much.

And I'm pretty confident in saying that if Ulmer robbed and forced a kiss on Rhaegar's betrothed, Aerys would have turned him into Shis Kebab the moment he got caught.

Not because Aerys cares about Elia, but because the betrothed of the Targaryen Crown Prince getting assaulted and robbed, and the Lord Commander of the King's personal Guard detail getting shot through the hand in the process of defending her, is such a great insult to the Iron Throne, such a giant stain on the honor of House Targaryen, that it would have made the certified Mad King even madder, yes? This is just common sense.

So, yeah, I believe Ulmer is lying by swapping in Princess Elia for Lady Jeyne, to glorify himself to his sworn brothers of the Night's Watch.

Lady Jeyne (and her Septa) was straight up abducted and held hostage. That would, sadly, give Ulmer too much time and opportunity to "steal kisses" from the poor woman.

Inktober day 7: Love

Hi!It was a possibility, i must re-read so i can talk better about this