Jun 29, 2012
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I miss having someone to kiss all the time without an explanation.
Twenty minutes ago I said that one of my biggest dreams was to be published.
I've been writing since I was eight years old (well, that's the first time that I remember writing). And I've been dreaming of being a published writer ever since. My biggest heros are authors and poets. I have no greater joy than telling stories.
So when I joined hitRECord, my dreams grew a little bigger and I saw a future for me in doing what I love most.
So here it is, the first time I've been published. It's a tiny story, but an enormous victory. I'm completely overwhelmed.
Thank you so much, hitRECord, for making my dreams come true & inspiring me everyday to pursue them again and again and again (by heart).
<3C
PS. Buy the Tiny Book of Tiny Stories Vol. I here!
violent blues
"And it's not like my heart's still broken over him, but maybe it must be..." "please write something. it'll be beautiful and true."
2:39a - 3:09a
In with Autumn's first gasp is You. a chill to the spine a shiver to the heart lingering still so potently in the air.
bitter skies erupt from my hands and carry through each step each whimper every caught breath
and the color drains from everywhere every promise every memory every touch
except the blues.
the anguish-colored wind the sigh of defeat in the cool night, in the sea of stars.Β
<3C
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
With the wonderful ability to not be able to sleep, I think a lot. Probably more than I should and up until last night it's been a bad thing. And right now, I'm thinking of all the ways I've changed, just since freshman year. No matter how much i "like who i am now", change drips into my veins and I fight it like it's a toxin, but in the end I always end up better than before. Talking this way, I feel like a model of some new appliance, or a new car. Model 2.4 is much better than model 2.3. I smile every chance i get and in the past two days I've been complimented on how nice and caring I am to everyone. No. I'm not ashamed of that. I'll flaunt it to the heavens and maybe I can prove to this forsaken world that good people do exist. We're still here. I still hurt so much, constantly. It's like a scar that will never disappear and it just keeps opening itself up whenever need be. When he left, I felt empty. No...I was filled with pain. My life was empty. But now, I've got people filling in his spaces and holding my hand when I need to think about him. It's an amazing feeling; to love and be loved. I've met new friends; kept old ones; and lost some of the best, but I'm thinking that that is part of growing up. People are in our lives for a purpose, and when that duty is fulfilled, one way or another, they are taken away from us. It doesn't make sense because we hurt [god, do we hurt] but we're healed and nurtured and loved by someone that saw us hurting and took us in. I guess that's why everyone always says everything happens for a reason. Last night I was close to sobbing myself into sleep. I still don't handle this well. A message came for me around quarter after three from a boy that I never talked to when I knew him and haven't talked to in nearly 6 years. All the masochistic lion and stupid lamb thoughts that had been racing in my head for hours disappeared instantly. In all actuality, if this were freshman year, I would stumble and trip my way through conversations and relationships and never be able to get a firm grasp on anything real. I would subject myself to hurtful things and live with myself hidden in the corner, glowing of self-pity and an unbearabley low self-esteem level. And I still stumble and I still haven't found much that was real, but no matter what i always land on my feet.
me, circa August 2006. (I wanted to post this because I am astounded by how much it still applies to me, despite a few small things. I was 16 years old when I wrote this, but most of it sounds as though I wrote it today.)