#ughwhatever

h8 u school sleep schedule!!

but yeah i will finish jekyll tomorrow that sa goal ofmine

im halfway through ep 5 atm and ghadsflkjdso what  agood show you guys should watch it

not even kidding

its 6 episodse long and scary and funny and it's moffat so yeah

(also if any of you are fans you should rec me some blogs to follwo about it)

anyway

Can I say, again, for the millionth time how utterly sick and tired I am of girls? I feel like the female species has this ridiculous love-hate relationship for one another that starts in one category and eventually moves to the other. Perhaps I only assume this based on my experiences, but that's what everyone does so shove off if you have a different opinion. You see, girls tend to hate each other because we feel like we are in competition with each other, but when we find someone who closely resembles us we decide to put that away for a while and have each other's back. Girls will hate one another until the Girl Code comes into play, and then, wether she's a bitch or your best friend, you're gonna follow that code based on the simple assumption that the other girls would do the same for you- and if they don't they're skank-ass hoes and since you are NOT a skank-ass hoe, you follow the code. Whatever. Anyways, because girls are so consumed with this stupid competition and their generally manipulative ways ( I mean, let's face it- most of us know how to play games to get our way, and when you back us into a corner we're going to pull out our bag of tricks so that we aren't the one who ends up on the losing side) someone always gets hurt, and that's why there is ALWAYS drama between girls, wether they are friends or not. There are a good bit of them who can become mature enough to avoid such encounters or at the very least rise above the drama... but in my experience they are few and far between. I have a really hard time trusting many people, and for reasons I will never understand it is always the girls I thought would be there for me who end up betraying me. Intentional or not. 

I'm just hurt, and annoyed, and frustrated with the fact I can't seem to find a girl who will be my friend without looking for something they can get out of it. And more importantly, I'm tired of the drama. If I'm your friend, you can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will always respect you, be honest with you, and be true to you for who you are, not what you can give to me or whatever. I'm not looking to gain from your losses or use you or create drama. 

Now, if we could just get the rest of the females on board with this, I feel like the world would be a happier place.

On an entirely different note, I'm becoming increasingly agitated with myself for being such a damn optimist. It's like I'm holding a banquet on a sinking ship. Why do i do this to myself? Why do I insist on seeing the good in people and always getting hurt from it? WHY, not matter how many times I get hurt do I continue to believe that this time will be different? You would think that someone who has been through as much as I have would be a lot more private, closed off, whatever, but no. I continue to see the silver lining in every situation, always strive to make the happy ending, and never ever give up. Maybe that's the only thing that's kept me going so far... optimism. They say that hope floats, so maybe it's my life raft through every situation. Except, it keeps popping. but what do I do? I blow the damn thing up again and go back out to sea. Am I just a slow learner, or am I honestly that gut-wrenchingly stubborn? I'd like to think that I am far from naive, but perhaps that is another contributing factor. I'm just down lately, and sometimes it feels like I have no one to turn to in all of this hoopla... especially since part of me blames myself for not seeing it coming and protecting myself. Deja vu. 

Then again... if I couldn't save myself the first time, what on Earth would make me believe I could ever save myself to being with?