{  * opening sequence  }
this year's lotus festival feels different than the last.
maybe it's strange, that this year there is a war, but finn feels a little more at peace than he did before. he doesn't know where it comes from, exactly, but he feels less pitiful, and less hatred for himself. maybe it's an effect of being home, back in etlia, facing his failures and the people that were not nearly as angry with him as they should have been. he still doesn't know why the world has offered him so much forgiveness when he has done nothing to deserve it and everything to deserve hatred, but he's coming to terms with it slowly. it's just how it is, even if he doesn't understand. if the families of those that died for him can forgive him, maybe it's okay to forgive himself, little by little. there are still plenty he hasn't spoken to; that he never apologized to, even though he should have as soon as he had the chance to.
he's still afraid. he is not nearly as brave as etlia deserved for him to be, even now, but he is trying, and maybe that makes him better than he's ever been.
asher would probably tell him that he is brave, and honorable, and worthy of admiration finn also can't fathom. he would now, anyway; now that he's returned to himself, after weeksââ months ââof fading away without finn doing anything about it. that's another thing he's trying to forgive himself for: letting asher suffer without helping him sooner. they both should have done better there, but ultimately, it doesn't matter anymore.
asher is asher again, and the air in noyillai is fresh, even if this place, too, is stained with blood. he admires laurelia for insisting on finding ways to celebrate even in the current circumstances. he thinks he needs it. all of deyuis does, probably.
there is still an undercurrent of anxiety the night of the campus's anniversary, inside lotus hall, unable to shake the violence of last year, but people still dance, and smile, and finn feels a little hopeful. he knows tomorrow, the world will descend back into chaos, but just for tonight, there's respite; a glimpse of what the world could be like if they were all their best selves.
he watches everyone else while they dance, stood off to the side with asher beside him as well. it's comfortable: witnessing joy, however temporary it may be, and asher next to him. he's thankful that they can be here like this, and he supposes they have their own reasons to celebrate: asher still being alive. asher being asher again, even if he has new scars.
a soft smile rests comfortably on finn's face, and it stays there as he turns to asher. "we should dance," he suggests, and his smile widens a little more. "do you still remember how?"
â @ufasher

















