#ue rambles

and yet no one ever thought i was anything more than ‘precocious’...

I have round one of interviews for this $25k scholarship for an extra year of PhD studies this evening. If I make it through this round, I get nominated to the national level. It was a last-minute scheduled Zoom meeting, and I am not fond of last minute change, so I am really quite nervous. I know this is the kind of thing where I have to focus on the impact of my research instead of the details that fascinate me (broad strokes, not pointillism, even though I am very much a pointillist thinker…)

I’m not the best at selling myself, so I can only hope my passion for my work shines through to dominate the more awkward aspects of my professional interactions.

Le sigh.

There are days I long for a fast-acting anxiety prescription and today is one of them. Seeing as I don’t have traditional panic attacks but, rather, what I call “extended low-level episodes of short-circuiting resulting in an eventual mainframe overload and software meltdown” (which I only learned after 3 decades living on this earth is common to certain manifestations of autism), I’m not sure how effective such medication would be, but gosh would I like to be able to breathe without being overwhelmed by the lights feeling excruciatingly bright and my documents looking like words and symbols with no organized meaning, when I know perfectly well I’m making good progress, but everything—from my mind to my environment—has utterly stopped making sense, only compounding the water in the motherboard that is my brain

It is fixed in the original

1. He meant podcast.

2. I regret everything.

3. Hi, dad.