A heart can only be broken once (pt 3)
Summary: Ubbe proposes but Kari isn’t too sure, the threat from Ivar still plaguing her mind. What will she do?
A/N: so, I’m not too happy with this chapter but since I’m going away for a few days over Christmas I thought it’d be way too unfair to leave some of you hanging. So here it is. I may rewrite it and repost it when I’m back, depending on your guys’ feedback. Other than that, please enjoyyyyy. And MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU GORGEOUS BASTARDS. I truly hope each and every one of you will have the most fantastic time. And for those who hate it, like me, or have shitty families, just remember that you matter and it will pass. Just breathe through it and read fanfiction to fill the holes! Cheers, m’dears 🥂
“Marry me,” he said, louder this time.
I felt the shock come over me, and my jaw slacked. Ubbe’s eyes have not left my own, his hand held mine firmly in place, his thumb gently tracing my knuckles. “You don’t have to answer me now, just think about it,” he said, his voice reminding me of soft silks that I only got to touch once as they were brought back from the raids in England.
“Ubbe...” I began. I looked down on my lap as if it held all of the answers to every single question that a person might have, though all I could find was the uneven hem of my tunic and my dirt covered legs. “I-I..”
“Shh,” he grabbed my face into his hands, cupping my cheek and forcing me to look up at him. “Think about it,” he whispered. “That’s all I ask.”
Slowly letting out a long breath, I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes for a second, feeling all of the emotions stir up inside of me. The two words my heart longed to hear for the past few years have finally been spoken, but not by the person I craved to hear them from.
I felt Ubbe lean in and shivered as his lips traced my cheek in a feather like kiss. He lingered there for a second, breathing me in and I let him, feeling too shocked and too emotional to think clearly. Blood rushed to my cheeks and painted them crimson when reality of the situation caved in and the close proximity we were in caused panic to course through my veins. I pulled away from his touch.
I glanced down at my lap, not being able to look him in the eye. “I will think about it, Ubbe.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw his mouth turn up and I felt the beam of joy radiate from him. “That’s all I ask,” he said.
The night brought absolutely no relief of sleep for my loud mind. The two words were playing on repeat, swarming in my mind like poison that took away the rest I so badly craved. Ubbe was right, I still love Ivar, with everything I have. If I was honest with myself, I couldn’t imagine ever stopping, no matter how far apart or close we would be, in Valhalla or breathing here, I could not stop loving him. What was left of my heart still belonged to him.
My thoughts drifted to Ubbe. He was the kindest out of all of the brothers. He was gentle, yet firm. Soft, yet hard. Loud, yet quiet and calculative. Hvitserk was known for his free spirit driven by a deep need for thrill, and I could not see him being committed enough to be tied down to anyone, at least not for years to come. Ivar… Ivar was strong. Years of torment, only receiving any kind of love from his mother and no one else, a life spent on his hands in dirt and mud, always being looked down upon. His strength was the very thing that made me fascinated with him in the first place. I knew and heard of the rumours, of his ruthlessness and cruelty, yet to me everything seemed justified given the kind of treatment he was graced with. Where they saw a man with no heart, I saw a man with a heart bigger than most.
I thought back to the silent threat that Ivar made. ‘You. Are. Mine.’ I swallowed hard, willing my racing heart to slow down. What would he do if he found out about Ubbe’s proposal? If I agreed, would blood be shed, as it did with Sigurd? I knew Ivar was capable of killing his own flesh and blood, though Ubbe has never done Ivar harm. Sigurd, however, hated Ivar with a fierceness so strong it never subsided, even for just a second. Ivar hated Sigurd with equal forcefulness and one day he snapped. Would he do the same to Ubbe?
The dread flowed through my veins, slowly paralysing me. I groaned and pulled the furs up over my head, praying for darkness to swallow me whole, praying to the gods to quiet my mind. I focused on my breathing until I finally eased off into a night of restless sleep.
The morning came too soon. I knew I had to give Ubbe an answer, it was not fair on him to keep him waiting. As I got dressed and made my way towards the training field, I thought about what I will say, though nothing seemed appropriate.
As the field came into view, I began to hear the clangs and bangs of axes against the wooden shields along with shouts and laughter echoing off of the trees that carried them further into the forest. Ubbe and Hvitserk were the only ones around and as soon as the oldest brother saw me, he dropped his weapon and said something to Hvitserk before making his way towards me.
Nerves began to tie my stomach into knots. I looked down at my feet, kicking at the stones and branches, letting my hands play with the hem of my tunic, pulling and twisting the loose threads. He stopped in front of me and I felt his gaze spread warmth through my body.
“You came,” he simply said. I chanced a glance up, his voice and face were both emotionless and I knew he has set a mask in place. “Let us sit,” he nodded towards two tree trunks on the ground rooted opposite each other.
As we sat down, I took a deep breath. “Why?” I asked, turning my face up to look at him.
His brows furrowed in confusion and his forehead creased. “Why what?”
“Why do you want to marry me?”
He leaned back, his hands on his knees. His eyes traced my face before letting them drop to the ground. He pondered for a few beats of a heart. “You had to have known…” he began, and I watched as his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. “You had to have known I have been in love with you for years, Kari.” So much for slowing my heart, I thought to myself. I was silent, willing him to continue.
“You probably didn’t see it,” he chuckled, though it lacked any trace of humour. “You only ever had eyes for Ivar.” A sad expression gloomed over his features, before he contorted it back into a neutral mask. “I decided that I only ever wish to see you happy, even if it meant you being in my brother’s arms, but I knew if I ever had the chance or opportunity, I wouldn’t allow for it to pass me by.”
I know you don’t hold any affection for me, Kari, but if you will let me I swear by the gods, you will want for nothing. You will hold my heart, my soul will be bound to yours along with my body. I will protect you until my last breath, and make you as happy as you will allow me to.”
My breath hitched in my lungs as my heart hammered in my chest, the sound overpowering in my ears. Tears welled up in my eyes and I got up out to crouch in front of him, taking his face in my hands, tilting it up so I could hold his gaze. They held a silent question, and I could see he was tempted to let his mask drop. I was reminded again of the stark contrast between the brothers, where Ivar’s eyes were oceans, cold and stormy, Ubbe’s were the colour of a cloudless summer sky, reminding me of warmth and the sun kissing and tracing my skin.
Pushing Ivar out of my mind, I leaned in letting our lips touch. He stiffened for a second, before melting his lips to mine. We tasted each other slowly, gently, before I felt his tongue trace my lip in silent question to deepen the kiss. As our tongues danced together, my hand came up to tangle itself in his hair, my nails massaging his scalp. He let out a moan, and his hands left to trace to my hips. He picked me up and hoisted me up on to his lap, never breaking the kiss. I let out a moan as I felt his hands trace my back.
We broke the kiss to come up for air, our foreheads leaning against one another. He grinned as wide as I ever saw him grin. “Yes,” I whispered, and he pulled me into another searing kiss. “ Yes, I will marry y-“
“GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF HER!”
Both mine and Ubbe’s heads whipped back at the booming voice, startling us out of the moment. Ivar’s face looked like a wild animal’s. His eyes were dazed with craziness, anger foaming at the corners of his mouth.
He slithered closer, his movements fluid and precise, never breaking eye contact with this brother. “I said,” he got up even closer, inching his face to meet Ubbe’s.” Get. Your filthy paws. Off. Of. Her.” Each word was laced with venom, one I have never heard on him before. I let go of Ubbe as if I was burned, the panic settling in me fully and completely overtaking my senses.
The action caused Ivar to zero in on me but only for a brief second. The heated glare sent shivers down my spine and paralysed me in place. “Leave,” he said, through gritted teeth. “My brother and I have much to discuss, hmm Ubbe?”
“Ivar, no,” I tried to say but my voice held no strength. I knew he heard me when his knuckles turned a shade whiter. It became harder to breathe as I struggled to fill my lungs with air but no matter how much I tried I couldn’t. The world began to tilt and blur, slowly losing its colours and shapes as the darkness began to consume and swallow me whole.