#tzmr

To Tzmr.

Thanks for taking the time to right in and help Tzmr Indigo! I hope they see this and it really helps knowing people are there to support you. I agree labels shouldn’t define anyone, you are who you are. You don’t need a label to determine that. Whilst labels do give us a sense of identity they should never define us nor should we put so much pressure on ourselves to find a label. 

Hey, sweetheart :)

Upon reading your message, I wanted to send you this link on the blog about sexuality and gender. I feel you could really use this right now :)

Tips for people who are figuring out their sexuality and/or gender:

It’s okay to change what you identify as! If you think you’re bisexual, then one day go ‘oh wait I’m pansexual’ that’s okay!You don’t have to label yourself if you don’t want to! A lot of people don’t want to or feel the need to label their sexuality and/or gender identification. When asked about it, these people usually say that they’re queer. If you decide to not label your gender, it’s a good idea to figure out if there’s a set of pronouns you prefer, or if you don’t mind what pronouns people use for you.If you want to not identify as anything and just like who you like and be who you are without a label for a period of time until all this stuff becomes less confusing, that’s okay!Gender and sexuality are not related! What gender you identify as and who you’re romantically and/or sexually attracted to are not related!You’re not alone! There are tons of people who are going to go through this, are going through this, or have been through this!We’re here for you! You can talk to us and send us any questions! You don’t have to figure all this stuff out without support!Your pronouns, your choice! Whether you choose to go by female, male, or neutral pronouns, it’s your choice. Some people don’t mind what pronouns are used for them. Some people prefer one of two used (i.e. if someone is okay with he/his or they/theirs, but not she/hers).Your name, your choice! Our heteronormative and cisnormative society likes to label names with genders. Bullshit! Names have nothing to do with what’s in your pants or what you identify as! Go with a name that you like and identify with! Some people who are non-binary prefer to have a name that society considers gender neutral. Some people don’t feel the need to change their name at all, or prefer a different name to their birth name for their own reasons, and that’s okay!Like sexualities, it’s okay to change your mind about your gender identification! Just make sure that you know what you are before you go through any hormone replacement therapy or have any surgeries, if you choose to.Everything is going to be okay! Everything that you’re going through is completely natural and normal!

Now.. I’ve heard about something called the “Ace Umbrella”. What is that, you say? I'll tell you. There’s a gray area between asexuality and non-asexuality.  Some people say that they occasionally experience sexual attraction, yet still relate to asexuality.  The ace umbrella encompasses asexuals, as well as people in this gray area. Some people, known as “gray-asexuals”, experience sexual attraction infrequently or not very strongly or possibly aren’t quite sure whether or not what they experience is sexual attraction. One subtype of gray-asexuals, known as “demisexuals”, can experience sexual attraction only after developing a close emotional bond with someone.

Read more about this here :)

It could be that you have found someone you wanted to be sexually involved with, and it's just with that person and you feel nothing else for anyone.. but I hope this has helped a little about you questioning your sexuality. Even if you're still questioning things, it's completely okay. You're doing wonderful, love :)

Hello TZMR,

Storm answered your question here for you.

Hi TZMR,

I think a big important thing to realize in this is the threat of harming himself if you break up with him, which is never something that is involved in a normal relationship. 100% of the time it is a very unhealthy relationship either in dependence, manipulation, emotional abuse, or all three of those and more. I would highly advise leaving him if he doesn’t come to terms that this is wrong to do. If you worry for his safety contact a friend or someone he is close to, inform them of this risk, that he has threatened to hurt himself, and they can watch over him when you break up with him or leave him because it can be really hard, but freeing yourself from an abusive or manipulative relationship like that is vital. There are people who can help him through this. Break ups can be hard and a lot of built can be felt for the one doing the breaking up but in honestly you are doing him a kindness if you don’t truly love him. Please try and get away from him the best you can, if he continues to use threats or even goes further in his threaten report him to the police since he would be saying that he intends to harm himself. Friends and family can support him but also for you, talking it out, getting support can make this a lot easier, let them do the checking up, keeping away from the situation if you wish. But you are in no way tied to him or obligated to stay, you are free and you are your own person and make your own choices. Live long and prosper,