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I haven't dialed that number in two weeks. Haven't even thought about it. But there I go. Cool. The thing is, it would have been way easier to listen to you say you weren't interested. Not hearing that it's fucking complicated and blah blah blah, and then read that it's a waste of time. Urgh. This is why I get mad, this is why I can't fucking stand people most of the time. Was I straight forward at first? No. I know this. But I mean really? Excuse me while I break shit.
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frustration part deux.
I can't even. Like literally feel like I get smacked in the face. Because first I try my fucking hardest to be there for this person because maybe, just maybe I'm fucking letting myself feel something. Opening myself up to someone who is just as fucked up and broken as I am. Maybe that was my fucking problem. Maybe it's because I give a fuck. Obviously, I am not perfect, but I was fucking trying. Funny, this person meant a whole lot, and now I feel lost, like I failed miserably, like I'm not worth anything. Liking you is the least of my problems right now. Inadequacy, that is the real fucking problem, obviously. I need to go the fuck to bed before I kill someone, or a wall again. Frustrated doesn't even begin to cover my feelings right now.
