pusher is my favourite x files episode but it's a hard one for finding a nice looking screenshot to draw lol
speedpaint below
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pusher is my favourite x files episode but it's a hard one for finding a nice looking screenshot to draw lol
speedpaint below
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i think one often underrated part of pusher is how scared scully is right before mulder walks into the hospital—to the point where she can't even look at him.
she knows that she won't be able to talk him out of his (stupid and very much doomed) plan, and it pains her so badly it seems like she might throw up any second.
mulder tells her to smile, tries to lighten the mood a little, but it doesn't work. because whenever she does look at him, she sees a dead man walking. someone whom she cannot protect because he doesn't fucking let her; she wants to have his back.
he gives her his gun and says he doesn't want to point it at anyone except modell—and ends up pointing a gun at her anyway. two people die anyway.
scully is the one who saves him, both of them, because she doesn't have anything to prove. everything she cares about is right in front of her, she can actively do something about the danger.
but that previous helplessness? being forced to literally sit and watch as he does something stupid that'll get him killed? THAT is the worst part. it's excruciating.
so many times, in trying to protect her, mulder just creates an even worse situation, when the solution is to simply not split up—they have to trust each other and themselves.
THE X-FILES Pusher 3.17 (1996) | The Truth 9.20 (2002)
pshhhhh I just finished watching 5x08 Kitsunegari, the follow up to 3x17 Pusher. Pusher is one of my favorite episodes (the final scene with Mulder pointing the gun at himself & Scully literally had me gripping my laptop 3 inches from my face) so seeing it followed up on was so cool.
I just really love the concept of someone being able to essentially hypnotize a person into acting out your will, and that person not being able to trust their own thoughts or control their own actions. Especially when that person is Mulder – someone who's so open-minded (and therefore especially susceptible to imposed beliefs/hypnosis) yet simultaneously so concerned with his own self-control/needing to feel in control.
Ugh just such a great episode. Every Vince Gilligan episode so far I feel like ends up being a top tier one for me.
I’m still thinking about Pusher. And I have some thoughts and feelings that might be controversial? Spoilers below.
Mulder still would’ve shot Modell if Scully hadn’t been there. The bullet in the chamber would’ve fallen on his turn.
Of course, I think Modell was waiting for Scully to start his game. He knew she was coming. And he probably had a plan for if she hadn’t shown.
I just can’t get over how that bullet would’ve been for Modell if Scully hadn’t been there. Not that she shouldn’t have come — of course she had to be there — I just… it’s that thing where tragedy is tragedy because it seems preventable, but it’s not. Mulder and Scully are each other’s Orpheus, and they will always look back.

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"we stand a better chance if we're separated" says man about to be forced into playing russian roulette with a serial killer because he went in alone. then he continues to make a series of choices to avoid pointing a gun at scully, just to end up pointing a gun at scully.
like my brother in christ NO SITUATION has ever been improved by SPLITTING UP
I say we don't let him take up another moment of our time.
———
playing around with different styles and somehow ended up doing a complete redraw of that scene without intending to
Pusher remains one of my favourite episodes, and I felt like doing another re-draw of this specific screencap. It's accompanied by a ficlet because I'm having emotions tm.
She almost expected the sight of Modell comatose in a hospital bed to calm the fear still wrapped around her lungs, but she's not surprised when her breaths come no easier than before.
Maybe it's because it hadn't been his hand pressing the gun to Mulder's head. Maybe it's how quickly Mulder pulled the trigger on himself while fighting back with everything he had the second it was pointed at her. Maybe it's because she almost keeps losing him again and again and again.
His guilt is tangible, a sharp tang on her tongue, and it unsettles her to see him staring at Modell with a mixture of rage and self-hatred.
Taking his hand is easy, and when she feels the cool metal against her skin, she presses her left thumb to the matching ring wrapped around her finger. Something solid, something real, a promise given shape, and she steps closer until their shoulders touch.
"Mulder," she says softly, and squeezes his hand. He looks at her with worry etched into his face, the line of his jaw tense as his teeth grind together, and she manages a smile for him.
Always for him.
"Let's go home."