#twisted shitposting

At first I was like "oh man, did there really have to be a 'funny animal sidekick' in this game," but he won me over by being an actually well-written cat.

Like he's greedy, selfish, self-aggrandizing, and kind of an asshole, but for some reason you love him and want to protect him anyway.

"Ugh sure, he's lazy and rude and eats all my food, (plus maybe turned evil and scratched me in the face), but HE'S MY CAT HURT HIM AND I'LL KILL YOU"

^_^ <- ->  ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°

Ok but imagine going over your friend's house, and finding a potato version of your crush among the decor. On a weird little pedestal. Just hanging out in the corner, minding its own business

Malleus's chibi form does a lot of casual floating, and he complains about having to use a broom to fly during gym class, so... do you think the two of them kinda. Just. Float around the school?

Maybe they levitate Silver and Sebek too, so they don't feel left out.

Imagine walking into the Diasomnia lounge. Malleus and Lilia are hovering above a sofa studying together. Malleus is reading semi-normally, Lilia is upside-down using Malleus's horns as a book stand while taking notes.

Silver floats by, asleep--Lilia has levitated a bunch of pillows around him so he's comfier (and also to protect his head if he crashes into a wall).

Sebek is trying to study like his sempais, but the books keep floating away, so he's mostly swimming through the air trying to catch them, yelling things like, "You cannot escape!"

cw: this is incredibly stupid

(Deuce is showing Ace around his hometown for the first time)

Deuce: ...And this is my blastcycle workshop!

Ace: Yep. This is about as boring as I expected.

Ace: Whoa wait! You've got pinups?? Nice, this one is pretty fine!

Deuce: Yeah ikr?? She's got four cylinders, and can get up to 320 HP--

Ace: Juice omg, I was talking about the babe.

Deuce: ... I thought I was too?

_____

Ace: Haha, Deuce, oh man. You're such a effin dumbass sometimes...

Rando: ikr? What an idiot!

Ace: *punches rando in the face*

Rando: wtf was that for??

Ace: Only I get to call Deuce an idiot 😠

_____

(Heartslabyul freshman dorms, 3am)

Deuce: *jolted awake, whispering* OMG ACE I was just having the best dream...

Ace: *whispering back* Wow really, let me guess, you were riding a blastcycle through the countryside.

Deuce: ... It had so much torque 😳

Ace: Wow is that like a lot of horsepower or--

Deuce: Ace, torque is what accelerates your bike.

Deuce: I mean yeah, hp's important, but, look. Horsepower is torque times rpm, divided by a constant, and that equals--

Ace: *screaming and waking everyone* Deuce by the Queen it is three in the fucking morning!!

*awkward cricket noises*

Ace: ... Ok so what happened next -_-

_____

Ace: Can everybody just shut up about the "Adeuce Combo?"

Deuce: I know! We're not some married couple!

Yuu: Actually, yes you are.

Adeuce: ??

Yuu: *waves arms weirdly* Boom! You're married now.

Adeuce: ...?

Grim: My henchman got a ordained as a wedding officiant online! Pfft bwaahaha~

Yuu: *whispering to Deuce* You may now kiss the bride. *gesturing to Ace*

Ace: OH HELL NO

Deuce: Yeah, no fair!! How come HE gets to be the bride. >:(

Ace: :0

Grim: *shoves their faces together* Shut up and kiss~

_____

Cater: Aww! Lil Grimmy's got an OTP! Never expected you of all people would be into shipping.

Grim: Ehh? What's shipping? Is that type of bullying?

Trey: Yes.

Grim: Oh yeah, then I totally ship the hell out of those clowns! Myahah!

Grim: *sees Adeuce* Hey look everybody it's my OTP!

Adeuce: >:0

Grim: Myeh heh heh!

Can we talk about Rook's boots?

I mean, I know a lot of people like to make fun of his hat, and it is indeed a very silly hat.

But those boots. Those military issue tactical desert boots. With no side zipper.

WITH HIS PANTS TUCKED IN.

It's really funny to me (and to little Jade, apparently) that you can just have a random-ass picture of Floyd in your room.

Like, I guess it kind of makes sense of you think of Yuu as a photographer...

But still. Imagine going over your photographer friend's house. And your friend leads you into the living room, and says, "Hey best buddy, look what I got!"

I love how Jade looks like he's getting ready to lead a press conference, meanwhile Floyd looks like he just woke up.