#twisi

It's been awhile since I've written something haha

 Just been ruminating and sitting on some words because it just didn't feel right. 

 The way I see it, sometimes we do need to get in our own way.

I mean this in the sense of negative thought patterns or bad habits. 

One of my favorite movies when I was a teenager was Inception. Couldn't give you just one reason why.  It just was.  I bring it up because of one quote I want to borrow/paraphrase.

"We create and perceive our world simultaneously."

Getting stuck in a negative feedback loop is getting stuck in the creation and perception of your- well, since I'm speaking personally, my world. 

For example:

I'm currently post-grad from college, looking for work and constantly going through existential crises, but this feels worse than my high school crises or college ones.  Now, I no longer have my definition of "student" for myself. 

I get stuck thinking about if my education was worth it, if spending all this time and getting constant rejections means that I'm useless, a waste of space.

I create this image of my world- belittling my experiences, putting myself down- and I perceive it to be true.

I create my own hell.

 So I need to get in my own way.  I need to get in the middle of this negative feedback loop and remind myself that life takes time.  I shouldn't worry so much about where I'm supposed to be; instead, I should just be.

 I guess this is just a note to my future self, as well as anyone reading this:

You are worth it.  You'll get wherever you're supposed to be when you get there.

Getting through to yourself can be hard.  Working out of bad habits isn't something that can be done in a day.

But you got this.

I've been spending so much time lately just trying to exist.  Not worry, not overthinking about what's next. 

 Unrelated note: thank you, to anyone who might be reading this, for bearing with me on the meanderings of my mind.  They're convoluted, but I try to keep it fairly easy to read.

Being contemplative and thinking about how far I've come in the last few months, let alone this whole year.  2017 so far has been a wild ride, and I don't know what exactly the future holds.

 And that's okay.