#twinnystarter

Nothing like ending up in the hospital. Yeah.

I just pissed myself.

I just remembered that when I was a kid I ate, like, eight packs of Pop Rocks and then drank a whole can of Coke. You don't think that counts as an unknowing suicide attempt, do you?

Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like me? Don't you wish your boyfriend was a freak like me? Don't ya? Don't ya..

If I even become a billionaire, I've decided that I want to buy my own island.

I should come out and say there was no Harold and Kumar stunt this trip, but I will remember to buy a bong for the way back if I can afford one. Hellooooo prison.

'M sorry, but that plane ride was real fuckin' weird yesterday. Some guy behind me kept talking to himself and make random noises, I literally had no fucking idea what was goin' on. Then when I had to go to the bathroom, he literally followed me back and stood out the door talking and making animal noises. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my entire life. 

Me and flight attendants, we don't get along.