Louis tried his best to not toss and turn, he really hated these beds. They were so springy, you do anything on it, so much as lay a hand on the mattress and it would make a springy noise. The noise wouldn’t annoy him as much if Clementine wasn’t laying beside him, he quickly found out she was a very light sleeper. It broke his heart that she wasn’t born a light sleeper, she just adapted to being one due to all of the trauma she faced. He wanted to make sure she got as much sleep as she could- so tossing and turning would definitely awaken her and that was the last thing he wanted.

So, he lay stiff as a board. Looking above to the mattress above him. He anxiously counted the number of bars holding the bed above him, distracting his mind to the best of his abilities. Because every time he couldn’t sleep at night, his mind went to dark places. *You have no idea what you’re doing.* He would think. That main thought spiraled out of control to other thoughts. But, that one main thought started from the time he was child, to now. It adapted to whatever situation he was in. As a child, ‘You have no idea what you’re doing’ related to the spelling bee, now, it is related to parenting his one year old daughter.

He grabbed the chair next to the desk, and placed it near the bed. He sat on it and watched her sleep soundly. A warm feeling was felt in his chest, unknowingly smiling ear to ear. He examined her features, and the midnight moon shone upon her face. She mainly had Louis’ features, his freckles, skin color, and eye shape. But, her lashes were full and her eyes were as golden as Clementines, her hair was also kinky just like Clementines. She was a perfect mix between the two.

*You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?*

Louis furrowed his brows as the thought entered his mind. No matter how many baby books he read, or conversations with Clementine he had about how to raise a baby into childhood, his mind was never satisfied with himself.

*To put your girlfriend through so much pain during her pregnancy, so selfish to bring a kid into this world, you’re a monster.*

That wasn’t true. Louis knew it. It wasn’t a mindless decision or an accident, it was multiple conversations and respectful debates about when or if they should start a family. After weeks, they decided together that they wanted a family, and they had enough resources to do so. And the pregnancy went better than expected, minor pain here and there, and the delivery had no scares. Thankfully, whenever Louis would remember this, it seemed as if thoughts grew quieter, and instead he imagined a world where the apocalypse wasn’t here. He wondered what her parents would think of him, or Lee, even Kenny. He didn’t know much about them, but he knew enough to know she cared deeply for them.

Suddenly, his daughter sniffled, causing him to go into panic mode. He calmed himself down once she went back to her normal state. It was spring, and it was just allergies but he was still terrified of her getting sick. Louis sighed, slouching against the chair now.

Although Louis truly thought he didn’t know what he was doing, he knew one thing. He’ll never be like his parents. His father, manipulative and a gas-lighter. His mother ignored it and was just focused on her public image instead.

*“Chin up, baby.” His mother whispered down to him. “Play your little piano and smile.”*

*His mother’s tone was sweet, and caring. But Louis wasn’t stupid. He knew his family milked his skills during fancy business parties like these ones. But, he played the piano nonetheless, because this was the only time he could truly feel like he had an audience that enjoyed his talent, his dream.*

*“My son! Ladies and gentlemen!” Louis’ father widened his arms towards Louis playing the piano. Families of prestigious wealth clapped for him. In this moment it was bitter sweet, should he feel happy that people enjoyed his music, or should he feel angry that his parents only supported him if it benefited them? Louis brushed off the confusing feelings and instead put his emotions into his music, making it authentic and oddly charming.*

*“Beautiful, Mandisa.” A woman patted his mothers shoulder. “You’ve raised a wonderful son.”*

Louis slightly groaned in irritation. ‘*They raised a horrible kid.’* Louis thought to himself. Now that he was older, he realized that he shouldn’t have beat himself up as much as he did when he was 17. Guilt had always occupied his mind when he thought about what he did, how he broke up his parents. But in reality, they raised him like that. They raised him to think of yourself first, not others. Survival of the fittest.

*“Please, I have a family William!”*

*Louis sat on the couch with his mother, they were just chatting when they heard the commotion coming from the office room. His father opened the door and held his hand out. “You’re not needed anymore, Mark.”*

*“I-I’m not needed?! Are you serious!? I helped you start this business, what the fuck man?!”*

*“But- Mark. You seem to forget. People like me. People like my beautiful ‘exotic’ wife, people love my son. What do you have Mark? A regular housewife, who’s pregnant and unattractive? A son who doesn’t excel in school? He doesn’t even have a talent to show off. You’re dragging me down. You understand, don’t you?”*

*“Excuse me?! The fuck did you-” Mark gulped as a security guard walked up behind him. “Fine.” Mark muttered.*

*The guard escorted the man out. Louis’ father looked at Louis with a smile, as if he didn’t just ruin someone’s life. “See son,” he started. “-sometimes, we have to make the hard decisions to get what we desire. It’s just business. Nothing personal.”*

Business came first, passion and feelings came last. That way of life ruined his childhood. He believed from a young age hurting others to get what he wanted was ok.

He gently stroked Willows head, *‘I’ll never teach you that.’* He thought to himself. No matter what, he’ll always make sure she knew it was ok to express herself, to talk about her feelings. He wanted her to know that no matter the situation, she was loved and *accepted.*

“I promise.” He whispered. “I promise I’ll give you a better life than mine.”

Suddenly, he felt slender arms wrap around his neck, a semi-heavy weight on his shoulders. He smiled, hearing Clementine mumble something out of exhaustion.

“What was that, darling?” Louis asked, holding her forearm.

“You’re doing great.” She yawned. “You don’t have to keep worrying Louis. You love her and that’s—“

“The bare minimum, Clem.” Louis cut her off.

“-not really. Not anymore.” Clementine said sadly. “Even back then, dads used to run out on their kids, unable to either provide a stable life or love. You could’ve ran out so many times, so many opportunities and you didn’t.”

“Why would I ever do that?” Louis replied, almost offended.

“I’ve seen it happen before. Of course I knew you wouldn’t but…there’s always that lingering exit you can take, and the urge is probably there for you-“

“Clementine.” Louis said sternly, waking her up a little. “I would *never* do that. Do you really think that?”

Clementine stayed quiet. In reality, no. Of course she knew Louis would never leave. It was just her inner insecurities popping out, she’d hidden it for years but it came out eventually. The *constant* fear that she would be alone again lingered in her mind. Louis noticed her silence and sighed. He got off his chair, and then hugged her tightly.

“Isn’t it crazy?” Louis chuckled.

“What?”

“How we only started dating a month into knowing each other.” Louis started, caressing her arm a bit. “Now, we’re in a family together. Clementine, I didn’t fight a war with you, fell for you in the middle of it, wrote songs about you, spent literally almost every second with you for the past 4 years to just leave.” Louis reassured.

“But now we have a kid.”

“Even more of a reason to stay. I mean *who* can actually say they have a kid with the most beautiful, bad-ass woman of the apocalypse world? Only me! I’d be a fool to run from that.” Louis joked.

She shook her head, a big smile on her face. Louis kissed the top of her head, pushing her slightly towards the bed, there he dropped her on it. She got into a comfortable position, and Louis lay next to her.

“I was serious.” Clementine broke the silence. “When I said you’re doing great. It’s not only the love you have for her Louis. You don’t even go to sleep before she does. Even though I tell you I got it. You care deeply for her and that *is* enough.”

Louis sighed, twiddling his fingers with one another, only staring at the bars above him. “I know. Thanks. Sometimes it just feels like I’m not enough, even before Willow.”

“Louis…” Clementine muttered sadly. The thought of him degrading himself saddened her. She sat up, grabbing his curious glance. Clementine took off her oversized sweater, a tank-top underneath. There was enough moon-light to see the faint, pink branded mark on her arm. She slid her fingers over it slightly, a grimace appearing on her face.

“You finally gonna reveal the meaning behind that?” Louis chuckled, over the years, she’d always refuse. ‘*The past doesn’t matter.’* She’d say.

Although he was joking, she wasn’t.

“I got this when I was 13.” Clementine started.

Louis shifted himself upwards, a frown shown on his face as he eyed the scar.

“I only did it to make sure AJ was safe. But, then he got ripped apart from me in the same group. After that, I had nothing more to lose. And when you have nothing to lose…you do scary, stupid things. I was horrible, Louis. I wasn’t the same person you know today.”

Louis nodded, taking in her words to the best of his ability. Trying not to react negatively in anyway.

“After I got AJ back—I only had *him.* If anyone ever—and I mean, *anyone* tried anything to hurt or kill him, I wouldn’t hold back. Yes I love AJ. I really do, but that feeling of hopelessness for your own self is so damaging.” Clementine opened up. After a brief moment of silence she continued. “I didn’t have hope for my own life, only for his. I didn’t mind if I got bit, as long as he was safe, I didn’t care. Not because I was sad or anything but because I just felt like this world wasn't for me. When I was a kid, I loved to be social, playful even. I've changed so much, I was forced to. I used to be innocent. Now, I'm finally getting some sort of my old self back."

Clementine grabbed Louis’ hand and squeezed it slightly. “You saved me.” She said, her tone hoarse. Louis squeezed back on her hand.

"I'm glad to be of service." He smiled at her. “I love you.”

I would like to take a moment and remember what a good leg it was.

Press F to pay respect.

I sigh in relief as I stretch my body. I get up and put on my boots, the smell of fresh coffee fills the hallway. Little things like that had always made me happy, apparently ever since I was little. "Alright then" I mutter as I make my way to my door.

"We ready?" Brent asked in a slight huff. I look at him with annoyance, little brat was way to pampered. He got everything he wanted by his dad's. So whenever he actually had to do a days work, he gets frustrated. "Look Brent, why don't you just shut up and do work for once? Or why don't we feed you what you hunt- Oh wait then you'll be dead because you don't anything!" I snapped back. He glared at me, about to respond until Clem came to say goodbyes.

Brent and I hadn't always been this way. It started just about a year ago.

"Come on hurry!" AJ called to us. Brent and I ran as fast as we could, but we were slower, me being only 12 and Brent being 14. AJ was around 18 and he had loads of experience running from walkers. AJ cursed under his breath as Brent fell down, he ran over to him and helped him up, but in the mean time AJ was dragged down by a walker and almost bit. AJ franticly grabbed his knife and the boosted up adrenaline caused him to cut his ankle as he slashed at the Walkers hand. I ran back to him to help him up. I grabbed AJ's arm and wrapped it around my shoulders as we ran together. "Brent, help us!" I screamed. All he did was just look, and he looked at us with pity. He ran off without helping us, he screamed he was sorry. I cursed at him, without holding back. Our pace quickened as fast as we could. We barely made it by a scratch, and when we into the court yard, Clem was furious. Louis was upset to, I had actually never seen him that way. But the wrath of my mom was just like her anger came from the pits of hell. His dads, Tim and Mark were trying to calm down my parents as much as they could, but ultimately, this was there last straw, if Brent fucked up again, they're out of the school.

"Ok then, Willow, you have your knives?" I nod at my mom. "Carson, you have the gun?" He replied "Yes mam." She smiled at the both of us. "Alright, make sure you two are extra careful, make sure you make it." She glared at Brent. We all nod and make our way out.

"She needs to get over it." Carson and I look at Brent in shock. "Dude, how would you feel if your child, you know- the thing you tried to create, then got in your stomach for 9 months, then went through hell birthing, and then raised for 13 years-- dies-ALSO--imagine if the kid you raised ever since you were 11 years old just died because of some kid whos new to the community." He rolled his eyes. "In an apocalypse, you have to think of your safety first, not some strangers." I glared at him. "You mean the same strangers that took you in off the road because you guys had no where to go right?" He looked forward and started to walk faster. "Whatever bitch." he muttered under his breath. "Hey!" Carson yelled out. I sigh and place a hand on his arm. "It's fine, people like him suck but at least we got each other."

"Hey Willow, what have you got for us today?" Elena asked. I pull out my backpack and take out some knives, and a few seeds for different vegetables. Elena grabbed them and smiled. "Ok I will be out with your share." Brent waited for her while Carson and I roamed around the village. They set up their little 'village' about 5 miles from our place. Of course, Clem had to approve of them first, and turns out they were actually good people. Even if they weren't our group would kick there ass like in the old days. "Oh uh, wait here Willow." I look up to Carson, and then look at what he was staring at. I laugh and tell him to just go. He was a huge nerd for board games, and he saw a goldmine of them. I actually had seen a goldmine for myself as well...

I climb onto the watch tower to look out on the army. Girls and boys of all ages were training. Some were fighting in the mud, some in the water and some training with bow and arrows. I look in awe, imagining if that were me, I would totally impress everyone with my badass skills. Like mom. Dad had told me some bad ass stories, and one time I even got to see the scar on her arm. Dad she had a lot more, but wasn't comfortable showing me. I rest my palm on my chin looking out to the heavy workers. Mom never wants to talk to me about her past. Its not fair, AJ knows a lot of it, and he's not even her kid. I widen my eyes at the sudden jealous thoughts in my head. I hated when I got them, so I try to shake it out. "Willow?" My body jumped as I turn around. "Tripp! Hey!? Don't scare me man!" The blonde old man chuckled. He rested near me. "Longing to fight I see?" I look over to Tripp and nod. "You wanna train me?" Tripp placed a hand on my shoulder, "Clem already trained you on the basic's, if I trained you anymore she would kill me." I throw my head back in annoyance. "Well it isn't fair. AJ is trained in this stuff and he's so cool! I wanna do that to." I huffed. Tripp sighed. "I understand why she only trains you on the basics Willow. When she was your age, she was, broken. She had thought AJ was dead so in her eyes, living was just an unwanted assignment. She killed anything or anyone in her way. She just wants you to not have to be like her, she wants you to be a kid." Tripp looked down, and he sighed. "She told me that every time she looks at AJ, she thinks about how she might of failed him. She doesn't want the same for you kid." I feel sorrow as his words became more and more sad. "Ok" I reply, not knowing what else to say.