Jun 1
hear me out i kill myself
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hear me out i kill myself
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sorry for the radio silence for quite a while! On top of the holidays, my visa interview at the embassy was a little while ago, so as you can imagine, I've been fairly busy preparing for it... But hey, it paid off!!
The past few years have had their fair share of trials and there's a few people who'll recognize themselves, who I wanna thank for all their patience and support. I also gotta apologize for everyone whose patience I've tested, and for all the buddies I'll get to see less often now because distance.
Overall though, I've had overwhelming support through this, more than I ever thought I'd get and more than I probably deserve, and it honestly helped a lot through what is overall a pretty damn difficult thing to get through. I'm so relieved right now and it's pretty great that that feeling is coming around for the festive season!
Now I'm off to enjoy that with my family while I'm close enough for it to be easy, and if anyone who knows me closely is reading this and wants to meet up before I leave France (which oughta be in April), hit me up ;)
"I'm proud of you"
"what for? being alive?"
"of course, you didn't want to"
Today is 6 years since my hospitalization. But today I am writing this from a therapist’s office—the office where I work because I became a therapist.
I’m never fully okay on this day—there are so many memories and thoughts that these next couple of days shake loose. But how beautiful and strange to be back in that same city now, experiencing all the same things… but as the therapist.
This is a reminder that you can always message me if you need someone to listen and you can always ask me questions about these experiences. Many people do not work in fields where these conversations are welcome, but I know how important it is to be able to ask questions and understand these experiences more fully. ♥️
so im watching xfiles all the way thru for the first time and ive noticed something I havent seen people talk about (to be fair your the only xfiles blog i follow so far). maybe its projection but it seems like Mulders relationships with women (aside from Scully) seem toxic or unhealthy towards him. from casually presented nonconsensual things like that detective in Syzygy, to his ex in Fire. am I looking into it too much or do other people notice it too?
omg exciting!! would love to hear more as you go 😊
no, I don't think you're reading too much into it! I think especially if you read msr fanfic, that aspect of Mulder's past is really highlighted - he's never really been valued until he was partnered with Scully. and from an attachment perspective, that makes a lot of sense given his relationship with his parents. i often think about the scene in tooms where scully says she'd only put herself on the line for him because he's truly astonished that someone cares about him/respects him that much. and not just anyone—the only person whose opinion matters to him. Scully.
i think what you're noticing is also consistent with my own headcanons about him. to me, Mulder reads as someone inclined toward passive suicidal ideation, which i think is really influenced by a belief that he has very little value in people's lives. i don't think he actively wishes he was dead (except maybe during specific parts of the show), but i don't think he feels his life is necessarily worth anything, which leads to a lot of reckless decisions over the course of the show.
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can you imagine how fucking BROKEN hugo must've been after the only person he had left thought he killed a bunch of people, reliving his worst trauma, where his father thought hugo killed his only loved one as a child.
i wouldn't have wanted to go on if i were him. well, i probably would, but like. Fuck.
Chapter 12 is up
Ian continues to heal by himself and with Mickey. Ian takes a brave step ahead and an old voice comes back to them both. Please be warned: Ian and Mickey talk very openly about Ian's attempt.
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