#turningcorners

Lately I’ve been wondering “what is it to be happy”? Why do I find myself seeking acceptance or gratitude, love or belonging from people who don’t want to be in my life. I feel like I have just sort of “existed”…..going through the motions at work and struggling to find joy in my everyday life.

But today I woke up and I feel as though I’ve turned a corner. I decided to do an early morning workout, before coffee. And I actually found myself smiling, enjoying the fact that my legs were sore. For me, it shows progress, proof that I’m moving forward. It was at that moment that I decided to conquer the beast. I went to the farmers market. A place that holds so many happy memories for me….I love looking at all the colorful vegetables, people who work with their hands, selling their wares. But it’s a place we always shared. And wouldn’t you know the first booth was the ever present tomato man. And I smiled and knew instantly….I was going to make the tomato salad. I smelled tomatoes, picked out some beautiful squash, had THE MOST AMAZING homemade oatmeal cookie. And deep down I just had a great morning.

@mpxsana 

Ever since her not so nice encounter with a fellow inhabitant of the Banshee apartments, Jinah always made sure to peek behind every corner in the apartment complex before continuing her way. Her fear of seeing that particular someone again went so far that the girl even scurried through the hallways. Heading to one of her self-found and self-proclaimed ‘hiding spot’ to the other, Jinah did her best to remain as much out of sight as possible. One could never know when all of a sudden he’d show up again. She still remembered how his hand had suddenly appeared in between the tiny space of the closing elevator doors to open them again. She had thought she had been safe, but life had decided differently for her that evening.

But well, all in all she had been safe. She should not exaggerate so much. She had managed to get out of the situation fine. So she actually shouldn’t be such a scaredy-cat but every time she thought that she remembered his murderous and evil expression. How he had hit the wall right next to her head with his fist and how she had been sitting in the corner of the elevator all curled up into a tiny ball. He’d also threatened her multiple times that day in the short amount of time they had spent together so Jinah really preferred to not see him again. Like ever. She didn’t want him to come at her again and this time around really punching her. She was not able to heal herself and something inside of her told her that the guy was capable of murdering someone. Perhaps he’d already done so and she didn’t want to be his victim.