#turjman

I spoke with Hilmi Effendi about the status of the Muslim woman. I told him that education is the key to her emancipation. I mentioned that the veil is an obstacle to her advancement, but it should not be removed all at once since this would harm the movement to improve her condition. I said, “ How can we progress when half of our nation is ignorant ? How can we live when half our bodies are paralyzed ? We need to teach her, then teach her and teach her. It is impossible for us to reach the status of civilized nations if only our men go to school. Before teaching our children, we need to teach our women.”

Will I ever have a sweetheart ? God, maker of heaven, earth and all the creatures that inhabit it. Please allow me to see the day when I shall taste this bliss. Otherwise my life, which has always been so sad, shall remain full of yearnings and grief.

Here is a list of conditions for achieving happiness: 1. Once this war is over, I will study French and go to college in Beirut and finish my university education. Better still to study agriculture in Europe. 2. I will marry Thurayya, which is my secret name for her. My love for her is limitless, especially now that I have seen her face without cover. I know that Thurayya is rather ignorant in matters pertaining to the management of the household, but living with her will overcome this liability. This lady is one of the most refined and educated women in Jerusalem and Palestine. How happy I will be to be her partner.

I am completely in love, but I cannot talk to anybody about it, although I have a feeling people around me know the situation. She is the source of my happiness and misery at present. For I am unable to marry her, knowing her father’s opposition. I go to bed tonight with a heavy heart.

After the end of the war, I will go to college for two years, study agriculture, and travel in Europe. If that does not work, I will study commerce and get married to my beloved. That is all I ask for. . . . I want to live by the sweat of my brow. If God chooses to bless me, I would like to have one or two children, to whom I will devote myself... I love life and enjoy its offerings. Please God, I am still very young, do not take me away.

… we came across a prostitute loitering by the Austrian Hospice. I said to Hasan, “This poor woman, waiting for her deliverance.” He said, “What can she do ? She has to live. She makes a majidi per trick to survive.” What miserable creatures, selling their bodies for pennies to satisfy the bestial needs of men. I am sure that most prostitutes would not practice their professions except for their [financial] need. Some may have enslaved themselves to men who promised them marriage and then deserted them. Then they found that they could not survive without prostituting themselves. Women’s misery is caused only by men.

They say that July is the best month of the year, since it witnessed the liberation of nations. For me it has been the ugliest and vilest of months. I have not seen more difficult days in my life. I have thought often of taking my life. I even have begun praying to God to take me away from this world, so that I will be freed from the miserable life of soldiering. When I became depressed, I asked my pharmacist friend to give me a treatment to help me get discharged. I insisted, but he refused. I needed a medicine that would make me so sick that they would be compelled to give me a leave for few months. My life is very valuable, but my honor is more precious—for I would rather die than dishonor myself.