Ruby: *adjusts outfit*

Qrow: You alright, kiddo?

Ruby: Yeah. I just got bark and dirt all over my butt sitting on that log back there.

Nora: Me too! It's so annoying...

Ruby: Right?

Jaune: What are you two talking about?

Ruby: It's a skirt problem.

Nora: Yeah, you boys wouldn't understand!

Ruby: Actually, Jaune would...

Nora: Oh, that's right. But the rest of you boys wouldn't understand.

Oscar: *pauses, suddenly far away in a memory*

Ren: No, I suppose we wouldn't.

Qrow: We should keep moving.

Oscar: *small snort of laughter*

Qrow: *turns to glare at Oscar suspiciously*

Ruby: Oscar?

Oscar: *starts laughing outright*

Jaune: What's so funny?

Qrow: *glare intensifies*

Oscar: Ha ha ha! Ha ha - BA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!

Qrow: *starts moving towards Oscar*

Ren: Is he alright?

Nora: I don't get it. What's so funny?

Ruby: Oscar?

Oscar: *laughing so hard he can barely speak* Ha ha, like...LIKE WHAT YOU SEE! Hahahahahaha!

Qrow: *grabs Oscar by the back of the collar and starts dragging him away from the others*

Ruby: Uncle Qrow! What are you doing?!

Nora: What's wrong with him?

Qrow: *not turning around as he drags Oscar away* ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? HE'S A CRAZY PERSON! HE TALKS TO A VOICE IN HIS HEAD! HE'S INSANE AND YOU SHOULDN'T LISTEN TO HIM OR TRUST ANYTHING HE TELLS YOU!

Ruby, Nora, and Jaune: *speechless*

Ren: *even more speechless than usual*

I get it, “Lancaster” is cool ship name, but, seriously, how is this ship not called “Dorks”.  Just “Dorks”. I mean, look at them...

DORKS

SUPER DORKS

OH MY GOD LOOK AT THESE AMAZING DORKS

SO MUCH LOVE FOR THESE DORKS

Idk, I think I’m too invested in Arkos to actually truly ship this pair, I just needed to do some super dork appreciation. They are the best. KEEP BEING YOU YOU AMAZING LOVABLE PAIR OF DORKS!

Ruby: I don’t really understand how this works.

Oscar: *sighs* That makes two of us.

Ruby: So like you see something, or someone says something, and then you see a memory? But like, it’s not your memory it’s Professor Ozpin’s, and you see it like… though his eyes?

Ozpin: She understands better than she thinks.

Oscar: Yes.

Ruby: …

Ruby: This is weird.

Oscar: Believe me, I know.

Ruby: …

Ruby: Do you…do you like…remember what he’s said to me? Professor Ozpin? Can you remember what was the first thing he noticed about me the first time he saw me?

A memory forms. Ruby, not much younger than she is now, sits at a table. He approaches her carrying milk and cookies.

Ozpin: Ruby Rose.

Ozpin: You have silver eyes.

A second memory interrupts the first. He is sitting at a desk flipping through a stack of photos of a toddler playing in a mud puddle.

Ozpin: Qrow, why did you take an entire roll of film of your niece eating mud?

Qrow: She’s really sweet, isn’t she?

Ozpin: She is. Did it ever occur to you to put down the camera and stop her from eating the mud?

Qrow: *shrugs*

The memory fades.

Ruby: Oscar? Are you okay? What did you see?

Ruby: I love the view from up here. All of Mistral lit up. We spent so long just seeing small villages. Or destroyed ones. It's good to see people just...living. Being happy. Plus it's so pretty!

Oscar: It is. There's nothing on a farm like this.

Ruby: Yeah...

Oscar: ...

Ruby: ...

Oscar: ...

Ruby: ...

Oscar: ...

Ozpin: Take her hand.

Oscar: (in his head) I thought you were going to keep quiet!

Ozpin: And I will if that's what you want. But you've been standing here for a painfully long time debating whether or not to reach for her hand, unsure if it will be well received. Let me offer you the benefit of my experience. It will be well received.

Oscar: (in his head) But... *brain zooms with intense amounts of terrors to quickly to pick them apart*

Ozpin: It will be well received. Just take her hand.

Oscar: ...

Oscar: *reaches out and takes Ruby's hand*

Ruby: *turns the same shade of red as her hood*

Ruby: *smiles like an idiot*

Oscar: *turns a shade of red even darker, closer to the color of Ruby's hair*

Oscar: *smiles like an idiot*

Ruby: ...

Oscar: ...

Oscar: So you've been surprisingly quiet on this subject.

Ozpin: Well... when I knew Miss Rose, she was a bright and promising student of mine, and several scores younger than me. My input on the subject feels...improper.

Ozpin: If you're looking for advice on romance more broadly, it is not something that is off-limits for us. We have known many great loves throughout our lifetimes. However...it is complicated.

Oscar: Of course it is.

Ozpin: Destinies such as ours require full dedication. Shaping the future of mankind is not a part time undertaking. When we make choices, we often have to put what is best for the people ahead of our own wants and needs. This makes it understandably...difficult for the people we love. For the people who love us.

Ozpin: We have known many great loves...but those loves come with great hardship. And great loss.

Oscar: (dejected) Terrific...

Ozpin: Further, regarding Miss Rose, regarding Ruby, her path will not be an easy one either. The silver-eyed warriors were renowned for their fierceness, their courage, and their unmatched skill on the battlefield. But their power comes with a cost. They are the protectors of mankind. They take on challenges far greater than other warriors...sometimes challenges that can be more than even their great power can defeat. The silver-eyed warriors, more than the average Huntsman, are known for their heroic, but very premature deaths.

Ozpin: Ruby inherited her silver eyes from her mother, and she died very young. Ruby was only a small child. I hope the same fate doesn't befall Ruby, but that is not in my hands. When Ruby's battle comes, she alone will be the one who can determine the outcome. Regardless, however long or short Ruby's journey is, it will be a difficult one. You both have destinies that require great sacrifice to achieve.

Ozpin: So about what you are thinking about starting with her, that is your choice to make. But be warned: with the paths each of you are on, with the challenges each of you will face, there is little likelihood that the two of you will have a happy ending.

Oscar: You're just here to bring me sunshine and good news, aren't you?

Ozpin: I'm afraid not, no.

Oscar: Seriously? Don't you have anything that isn't gloom and doom and sacrifice and destinies? Can't you tell me one thing that is positive?!

Ozpin: There is a pastry shop two streets over that makes an excellent cup of cocoa. I highly recommend you stop in.

People in my life: I don’t really like anime...

What I want to say:

What I actually say:

Nora: There I stood, atop my mighty castle, the unquestioned Queen of all the land! The enemy approached. They would pay for their treachery. They would pay for their terrible puns. They would pay for the fact that the pie Jaune threw was supposed to hit Yang instead of Weiss!

Jaune: Nora! You threw…

Nora: THEY WOULD PAY! The enemy captain sent up a war cry, proclaiming that her victory would be delicious. Little did she know that it would be ME who would be dining on the delicious taste of victory!

Ruby: But I beat…

Nora: YES! MY VICTORY WAS CLOSE AT HAND! And with that the battle was begun. There would be no grapes left unsquished, no sodas left unshaken! It was to be a battle to the death! “OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!” I cried to my minions…

Jaune: (indignant) Minions?

Nora: “OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!” I CRIED TO MY MINIONS! “Tonight we will drink udder satisfaction from the cup of glory!” We launched our first attack, sending an avalanche of watermelons like cannonballs right onto the would-be-usurpers’ heads, leaving them weak and sticky and wishing they had never picked such a woefully mismatched fight! As our front line infantry advanced, baguettes at the ready…

Oscar: (in his head) Aren’t you supposed to be telling me more about the Grimm?

Ozpin: I can’t get a word in edgewise