#tuletters

You’ve really changed my life, from the moment I found out your mother was pregnant, I was excited and a little nervous. I’ve never had my parents in my life so I don’t have nothing to look to for guidance. I do know that you’ve changed our worlds for the better. The life you’ve instilled in me is beyond amazing, I didn’t know what living was until you came into my life. You’ve given me purpose and I can never express how much that means to me. Your mom and I love you to the depths of our souls. You give us that unconditional love, that life ain’t traditional love, that you wake up in the morning and thank the man above love. You’ve cured my agnosticism, because you’re truly something from above.

Dear Son,

I know it may seem like I’m hard on you. I know it seems like there’s no pleasing me. But I swear to you that it’s not the case. I remember the first time I looked into your hazel eyes, the ones identical to my father, the ones that eventually would hold so much pain that I would overlook.. the ones that looked at me for an apology that I have yet to give before writing this letter.

We’re distant, I know. But at times I feel like you’re just wasting your potential. You have a voice that will put most of these big time artists to shame. Your talent isn’t measurable. I feel you can stand toe to toe with the greats.. the super star quality that you have shouldn’t be condemned.  Why not sing? Why not share your talent with the world and make us the happiest parents there is. I don’t mean to compare you to your siblings but we all can agree that your starpower is on a much greater scale. However, you choose to waste your talents on gaming, and typical teenage boy stuff. Maybe I should just respect that but it’s hard for me.

It’s only been a year but it feels like a lifetime that I’ve been in here. The funny thing is, I actually have a lifetime to go. I was put in here because I committed murder.. on accident. There are many ways that could happen, but when it happened to me I actually wanted it. So does it really make it an accident? I was pushed to it. I was fed up and I couldn’t take the way I was being pushed. Everyone pushed me and I never did anything about it.. until that frightful night. August 17, 1989. One Thursday night, I gave up my freedom and got freedom at the same time. Freedom from the people who push and hurt me. Now, I have that freedom in here and you know what else? No one suspects me for anything. I’ve set up three people for the fun of it. One is dead, one was moved to another prison, and the third is in solitary confinement. Why do it? I might as well enjoy myself in here. Why write this? Because I can trust you, myself. Who else do I have to talk to but me? And no I’m not crazy. Don’t even think it Winnie. Until next time, Pooh bear.

This letter is for you and I’m not good at letters and shit, so yeah I’m writing this so that you know how much I cherished you and how important you are in my life. I still remember the day when I first met you, I was nervous as hell to finally have a family, a little sister even. I didn’t say a word that ride home. When I got there you had your little gifts ready to welcome me and shit. We bonded and I’m grateful for that.  I’m not your blood brother but shit no one can tell me differently. You were the first girl I ever loved besides mom. I’ll do anything just to see that you are happy.

I have to admit that you were the first one to make me see life in different ways. You make life seem so full of excitement and passion and whatever I can do to feel that way too I would and I do. Your smile brightens up any room. You make people feel better about themselves even when they do some fucked up shit. You’re my little angel sent to guide me in a shitty-ass world, Vannah.

@sinful-cyn We had a good time, one of us more than the other. I gave you all the love I could and even more, I loved you more than I could ever think about loving someone. But apparently it wasn’t enough for you. It was too much for you and I can understand you’re not ready to love like I am. You’re not ready to settle down and be true to our vows like I am. It took me a minute but now I realized I can’t make you into what I want, I can’t make you into a wife, you have to want to be that.

As much as I love and care about you, I just don’t know what it is that you want or how I can get passed the things you’ve done to me. It’s funny, I thought I wasn’t good enough to you or providing you with enough. I always felt like I didn’t have time for you, maybe that’s why you did what you did. I was stressing out over small things. If you needed a heart to survive, I would give you mine with no hesitation. If saving your life meant mine, I would do it because I know I would always be apart of you. I thought this letter would be corny or just a girl way to do shit. But it’s better this than seeing you in person and putting the fisticuffs onto you. I don’t want to be like scrappy and lay these paws on you…again. I was wrong for even grabbing you the way I did, I’m not perfect neither and I never pretended to be. We both have our flaws and we both could’ve did things better. I don’t fully blame you, but what I do know is that I would’ve never thought of doing something like that (both things) I’m pissed at how long you hid it and then decided to come out about it at a time like this. At my lowest point, when I feel like shit and less of a man for you and you go and prove that you felt that same way, by giving away what was mine.

Dear @offlinejade ,

I feel like I should get this out of the way now before you see it on the blogs… Aubrey and I are taking the next step in our relationship. It pains me that this may be the end of our friendship, but Aubrey means everything to me. I know that you and I have been through a lot, but you just can’t give me what I want — a family. He completes me. We complete each other. I’m the sweeter gal that he’s been crying about. I’m the one who he wanted to come thru so badly. Hell, he sings about me from time to time. Things progressed after we took it to home base and he realized that I’m the best he ever had. Our love is like a jungle, and he’s the Tarzan to my Jane.

As I write this, I can’t help but to think about that Tuscan Leather jacket he offered to me on that cold, damp night in New York. It was his prized possession but he wanted me to own it. He took care of me like no other man could. His phone was always charged up whenever I needed to hear his voice. He always had the energy to deal with me.

You see, our love is timeless. He is mine. He would take a shot for me. I wouldn’t let him go over my dead body, which is why I’m choosing him over you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive Aubrey and I, but I must get going now. My hotline won’t stop blinging.

Dear Xaela,

Hey, remember me? Jasmine? I’m sure you don’t. I was your best friend back in Brazil. Well, that was before you got adopted and left. You promised to always stay in contact, but that never happened. I think it’s safe to say you forgot about me, all of us really. It’s been about ten, eleven years? And not one letter has come this way from you. As you should know or probably not. I’m 17 now, still living in this hell hole of a place. I guess I was never good enough for people or I wasn’t exactly the right fit. On the bright side I turn 18 in a couple months and then I’m out of here. You can say I’m excited, but then again not really. I have no place to go, no job, nothing. Maybe, that’s my fault? It might as well be like everything else is, from the death of my parents to losing my brother. All the blame got put on me and after a while I got used to it. Well, I was just writing to let you know what’s going on. I sort of miss you and wish you the best in everything you do.