#tua rant

What the actual fuck was that finale?? Was I watching the same thing directors looked at and went, “Yeah, this is cool!”

Those last two episodes were a total shit show. An absolutely horrendous finale to a wonderful TV show.

The first thing I am so fucking pissed about is how they’ve written Five in this season. They ruined him. They tore apart the aloof apocalypse-obsessed arsehole who loves his family, destroyed it, spat on it, and then danced on the grave before crushing it under an anvil.

In no fucking timeline whatsoever would Five and Lila be a thing. I understand where some people would come from to defend it — that yes, they were both isolated for seven years and could only find company in each other, distorting their relationship as they sought comfort which mistakenly and incorrectly transpired into ‘love’. No, it’s messed up. It’s so fucking messed up and creates unnecessary drama that the writers probably wanted since they were undeniably lacking in the finale. When I first saw the camera angles and shots they were getting prior to Year Five in the subway, I was naïvely thinking, “Surely not. Please don’t tell me this is where I think it’s going.” And lo and behold, I was right. And I’ve never hated to be right so much in my entire life.

Lila (WHO HAS THREE ADORABLE CHILDREN WITH DIEGO, BY THE WAY) has known Five for absolutely ages — since he was in the body of a thirteen-year-old child. Mentally, he’s however many decades older. Regarding the actors, Aidan and Ritu, themselves, there is a fifteen-year gap between them. But my point is, Five is not a home-wrecker. Five is the type of character who would not deliberately fuck around with his brother’s wife because he absolutely adores his family. It’s not in the nature that has been presented to us, and goes completely against his values — and for what? To serve exclusively as a shitty love triangle so that Diego and Five would fight in the finale and break up the family even more at the most crucial point for them?

Five is your textbook example of a pragmatist. He knows how to prioritise, and would certainly not decide that the time to fight Diego was when two of their siblings were badly injured and another had merged to bring about the Cleanse — a.k.a. end of the world, again.

I am so, so disappointed with this, especially as Five is the character I’ve had the strongest attachment to, ever. I think I’ve managed to disconnect S4 him from the first three (that fucking greasy rat’s nest hair of his has finally been given a beneficial purpose), but I’m still sick to my stomach.

Anyway, next thing: the episodes. I know we were told in advance about how there were only going to be six episodes, and we knew they had a lot to fit in to make it work.

It didn’t. It was executed very poorly. I understand some fans didn’t like the unnecessary subplots and fillers from the previous seasons, but S4 was a bit too rushed? I mean, they found and drank the marigold within the first episode. And floundered around at the end, not even bothering to stop the Cleanse until it had been aired on TV. I get they might’ve wanted to make the show more fast-paced, but it could’ve been handled differently. They didn’t have to do a ‘Stranger ThingsTM’ and make four goddamn films for a Part One. They just needed to properly iron out everything, and that didn’t happen, which is a massive shame.

The finale itself (not the erasing their identities, but from the moment Ben is shot) deserves some YouTuber to pick it apart with a four hour video until it’s dust. It was badly structured. Normally, you see a rather pleasant — not exactly linear, but in the concept we’re progressing positively — pattern as the episodes and plots build up to the finale. We see the family find out about an apocalypse, they fight and break off individually, then they slowly pair up, eventually coming together to save the world. This was not like that.

Instead, you had one sibling fucking around in a subway with his physically much older and mentally much younger sister-in-law, another that was hopelessly obsessed with a girl he just met (but no hate for him — no one exactly told him that being closer to Jennifer was just harming them both and the world), one germaphobe who, despite not taking drugs or drinking, is off looting money wherever he can find it and deciding that was the moment to pay off his debts??, three others doing fuck knows, and then the last one who actually gives a shit, teamed up with his hideous father, and tried to prevent him from killing Ben as long as possible because he knows what it’s like to end the world, and is therefore the only one who did anything useful. God, that was a long sentence, so I’m sorry for those of you who struggle with it.

The finale was not your Umbrella Academy finale. Once everyone had (I say this in the lightest way) been ‘brought together’, they had no bloody idea what to do. In the meantime, they’d disbanded about three times within the thirty minutes of screening because of petty fights and the drama I’ve already discussed. Five leaving them at the most essential moment (due to Lila and Diego, blah, blah, blah) was an error in his character. This old man has survived through apocalypses, the one who tries to round everyone up despite everything he has seen. Even with his doubts in the S3 finale, he was still there — and his doubts were shared enough that they created a majority. In this S4 finale, there was no majority. It was just Five, and Five alone. There were gaping holes and shredded pieces of the beautifully developed characters the show had done so well in portraying. They did this with Allison during that scene in S3, where they took her villain arc too far. There are so many flaws in this, and there is definitely many people out there who can communicate it better and more concisely, but here is my two pennies anyway.

I have a lot more thoughts, but I’m currently bone-tired. I might post another rant if I remember anything else — but don’t be too surprised if it’s Five x Lila related.

I never really warmed up to her, in fact i actively hated her by the end of season two (which only went on to get 50x worse in season three with the whole he's our son / just kidding / whoops he's dead / haha im pregnant by the way thing) and then of course season four happened.

I actually almost kinda liked mom!lila. I was like oh, she can be human. She CAN be likeable. Maybe, just maybe, she's not a monster. I liked her new dynamic with Diego, and i enjoyed seeing her being a stressed, caring, normal mom and having a mundane life...for about two seconds. Then the whole 'book club / not book club / let him think I'm CHEATING on him' thing happened, and i was swiftly reminded that there was a reason i didn't like Lila.

Then she gets a power. It was actually a chance for her to be interesting and have character growth beyond just being a mom and wife. They could have used her to show what it's like when marigold interacts with someone who's never before had powers; they could have had some kind of fun training montage, like they did with Klaus and Reginald in season three when he discovered his immortality; and they SHOULD have done something of consequence with it, like having her accidentally hurt someone, or damage something important, idfk but, like, literally fucking anything!!!????!!!!???!!!!??? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Instead, they just gave her stupid useless eye lasers that she uses about three times, can't control at all, and never comes up again. And it feels like they did it because they knew Lila was a weak character that couldn't stand on her own without the context of the rest of the umbrella academy, so they had to kinda 'even out the playing field' somewhat, even if it defied any and all logic and reason.*

Which, in my case at least, was an unfortunate choice. The one thing I'd actually somewhat liked about Lila was that, despite her personality and history, she was, for all intents and purposes, just an average human. I like seeing regular people in shows about abnormal folk. They give a nice context to the chaos, even if they too are 'chaotic' characters, you know?

Just when I thought she couldn't get worse.........well. I don't think i have to explain what happened. It was so much worse because Five had always been one of my favourite characters and OH MY GOD,,,,,,, HE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER DO THAT! HE WOULD NOT DO THAT???? And you know I'm not just saying that in a delusional 'i know him better than the writers do' fan way, because pretty much everyone is in agreement.

He LITERALLY would not fucking do that. ESPECIALLY with Lila, who he's always disliked at best and actively tried to KILL at worst, and especially not now that she's his BROTHER'S WIFE and not to mention the MOTHER OF HIS BROTHER'S CHILDREN????

Anyway, that was my final nail. I no longer just hated Lila and passively wished she hadn't been added to the show, I wanted her dead. I wanted her to be killed off, or have something happen where five returned to the correct timeline but Lila couldn't for some reason, I just wanted her gone and SOON. I think it was probably what killed season four for most people, not just me. I think that if Lila had never existed, or at least hadn't made it to season four, or hadn't gone with five and................

If that hadn't happened, I think it could have been salvageable, even despite the one million and one problems with the season.

TL;DR: I genuinely, truly, deeply believe that the main issue with season four of the umbrella academy was the overarching existence of one 'Lila Pitts.'

how did Five-i-spent-40+-years-by-my-self-in-an-apocalypse-to-save-my-family-Hargreeves cave in after 7 years. it’s not as if he just gave up. that i could forgive. but LILA??? hello??? do you not at least mildly dislike each other???

i would’ve killed for a bonded like stray cats that cannot be adopted separately vibe from them but nOooOOo fIvE NeEdEd a ✨lOvE InTeReSt✨

anywys, THEIR SHOWING THE JENNIFER ACCIDENT AHHHH☂️‼️

Lila and Five?? They look amazing 🔥

However I do question some of the directors’ choices on the characters’ wrong actions. Of course our beloved characters have imperfections, that’s part of the reason we love them. However some of their actions and misdeeds are really crazy!!

Season 2. It was weird and wacky, with bright colors and cute moments between siblings. The 60s aesthetic worked well with the oddness of the Hargreeves Siblings. Everyone had their own strong plotlines and character moments while also reconciling in very wholesome and meaningful ways. Similarly expanded on Reginald, Pogo and Grace.

Klaus becoming a cult leader, with his personality and powers makes so much sense! Luther finally making decisions on his own and them being so uncaring of his own wellbeing while also following his trauma in a way that left much to be chewed on. Five dealing with his past actions, all done because of the family and for their safety, while dealing with his siblings' at their most authentic. Ben trying to strike out on his own despite being tied to Klaus and thrashing against those constraints but ultimately loving his family and finally being there for them instead of as an observer. Deigo's obsession with JFK and the Assassination was hilarious. It melds well with his insecurities and need to be a hero, while also reconciling with Luther, an unfortunate object of his problems, and Vanya who he was antagonistic toward despite learning to understand they're both just fucked over by their father and he's the problem. While having an odd relationship with Lila that becomes genuine at least a little. Vanya growing and gaining a human connection and love not tainted by their Powers and Upbringing, learning to stand up for themselves and forgiving and being forgiven by the family. Processing their trauma. Allison fighting for a cause that's selfless, growing to not rely on their powers and only using them for other people. Falling in love with a man that made her better, uplifted her and loved her at her lowest, loving her for her, while breaching the emotional divide from the former season with her siblings. And of course Lila, complex and badass, not a good person not a nice person but one who was only beginning to fight against her abuser.

Season 1. It was good! And it was the closest to a Faithful Adaption. The grim dark aesthetic was odd and weird and it solidified the show as different from others. A very good basis and foundation for the odd characters and World.

That being said I didn't like the grim dark aesthetic as much, not that is was bad but the funky 60s oddness was more fun in comparison. I also understand that the show would need to set up the broken relationships before we can reconcile but I do like the reconciling more. Most of the differences between this and the next is just preference, they're both solid seasons.

Season 3. It had a lot going for it! The Sparrow Academy was a very interesting idea, meeting the other 43 children born was exciting and the heartbreak of getting Ben back but he's not our Ben but he's Ben. Unfortunately it suffers heavily from its 8-episode structure.

There was so much I wanted to see with these new characters and even the other other 43 but they ended up dying in quick succession and leaving me feeling kinda cheated. Not only that but the mothers topic only really being brushed upon was a loss. There were so many What-If scenarios that could have happened with this idea. Who are you if you change your childhood? Your economic living situation? Who could they have been if not for Reginald. I did like the Allison descent, it felt very in character and well done but the follow-through was abysmal. Similarly the way other characters reacted to it felt inexistant. It felt like no one was reacting to Allison's increasingly worrying actions and degrading mental status. Sure Five kills people but Allison is an actress and no one seemed a little perturbed she killed someone important to their sibling without talking about it? She assaulted Luther and no one thinks that's worrying? If my sibling sexually harrassed someone I'd be in their face, asking a million questions. Sure there were other things going on but that's important, Allison is important. I did like her and Deigo beating up racists and trying to connect but its odd that Deigo who arguably had the biggest subplot was checking on her. I did think the Sloane and Luther romance was a little rushed but they themselves were very cute. As were Kalus and Sparrow Ben! So was Viktor's transition! And seeing the Marigold reacting strangely and learning about it was interesting but ultimately everything needed more time.

Season 4. Unsurprisingly the worst. Not only did it have the least amount of time, only 6 episodes, but it felt very disconnected. It felt like someone else made it and they themselves only watched the show once. It had the broad strokes, Lila and Deigo had their kid, Allison had her patchwork family, Reginald had his wife, the Sparrow Timeline happened but it didn't fit.

They did reference something from past seasons, The Jennifer Incident, but it doesn't make sense in context. Sparrow Ben had his Jennifer Incident but he didn't die he was just demoted. So what does that mean? And why didn't He know who Jennifer was? What she would do? What happened to His Jennifer if not a World Destroying incident or Murder-Brianwashing? And the fact that they set it 6 years later takes out things we wanted to see. Luther looking for Sloane, Ben being in Korea for some reason, confronting Hargreeves and Allison, Lila and the baby. I did like the Careful What You Wish For idea for episode 1 but they didn't follow it through with Abigail. She was upset with her husband but we don't see much of it. It felt like something they should have connected more in rewrites, like when you write a story and realize you can foreshadow more in earlier chapters. And that's the overall vibe of the season, its a Rough Daft they didn't work on. The cinematography was amazing but it feels like all their time and money went into CGI and Practical Effects and none into the writing.

The Sparrows all disappearing only to be mentioned by Ben so we get a reason for why he feels disconnected to the others and by Luther, to remind us that he remembers but he never found her. Lila spends the beginning being overwhelmed by her children and not happy in her domestic life but a few episodes later we see her almost let the Apocalypse be rewound so she can spend a little more time with them. The story would have been more meaningful if it revolved around Lila and Deigo realizing they weren't meant for this White Picket Fence life. Not everyone is! Its the reality that everyone gets married and has kids because they think they should not because they want to. Giving Five a romance was unnecessary, it felt forced beyond compare and lazy because they needed someone close to Five, because he's too guarded, to pair him with.

I didn't hate that Klaus became a germaphobe that lived with his richest sibling as he recovered. And Allison who probably felt guilty let him, that makes sense. I was apprehensive about his relapse because despite how odd he was now at least he was clean! And getting better from something like that can take years! Its implied he's only been sober for 4 out of the 6 years which both is and isn't a lot of time. But it didn't matter I guess. Ben forcing Marigold didn't matter I guess.

And the attempt to gaslight the audience into believing that its always been Allison who picked up the pieces of Klaus when we never see it and know she ran off to become famous was frustrating. So was the forced fight they had after the van, it did not have to be Allison she was not the only one with him, but since we wouldn't be getting any real confrontation about the Season 3 finale they gave us this. Because, let's not forget, the follow-through with her descent from last season didn't happen. It was years ago so any lasting hurt feelings feels petty, right? Its similar to her actions in season 1, she did it when she was a child its not her fault even though Vanya/Viktor had a right to be upset and the fact she tried to fix it again with mind control while also implying she always knew and never said anything led to me disliking her but the narrative didn't think that was important. She was punished wasn't she? Why talk about it? It happened years ago, why talk about it? Its forced character development, or maybe forced plot moving? It was something they didn't want to deal with so they didn't talk about it and rushed past it.

And of course Luther, who loses literally everything and becomes just the Butt of the Jokes. No wife, no job, no house, no plotlines, no character development.

God and Jennifer who literally only existed to be a Plot Object. A McGuffin if you will. You could have switched her with a Cursed Ring and nothing would have changed. Ben gets Cursed by a Ring, hears it talking to him, goes crazy. No change. And no reference to Sparrow Jennifer. It wasn't a romance more than it was a mutual delusion. Which would have been interesting if it was played straight.

Much like Viktor and Reginald, it COULD have been interesting. But we had no time! Also, why did he get to live till the end? Why did Reginald get a Good Bittersweet Ending?