#ttybackgroundblog

Around Term 2 I had to make friends all over again. And I quickly did, most of which I still go to school to today and hangout with. All through out Term 2 I was writing my music, getting better a production, and this is really where I started to refine my craft, make music I actually enjoyed and felt happy about. Then in Term 3, I talked to Molly again. We even started long distance dating again, like hell that would even work out. I don't know why I did this, I forgot to mention that by the start of this year I had started really being very much self destructive. My lyrics didn't yet reflect this cuz to be honest all my family new about my music at this point, so It would be stupid of me to do so. Anyway, after a while things were messy and we broke up again. I released and album in September called "Taxi Please". I still am proud of some of the songs on there, some are on the old sadness EP, and genuinely the best piece of work I put out in that project. The soundscape was weird, I was using weird chords everywhere because I felt like it, some things sounded weird, and something's were good. After this I actually did end up deleted everything off that Spotify and off everywhere I had my music, because I just didn't want people to find it, it was still all on my computer, in fact I didn't end up talking to Molly for a while.. until Term 4 when I did! This was different though, we were friend's, we acted normal and we talked about normal stuff. Eventually we fell out once again. Remember Max? well turns out he never assaulted her. she lied about it. i was furious. there was an album i released on a sound cloud project called "girls in snow" and the album was called "once and for all". I made it very fast, It isn't very good, that was December of 2025. I had finished in that school. Here's the link if you'd like: https://soundcloud.com/girlsinsnow/sets/once-and-for-all I'd say my most personal writing (at the moment) was in this album, it jumps between genres quite often, I have some really stripped backed singer song writer tracks that I actually quite like on there, some prog, some random electronic, some emo. But I feel as if this album was sort of a necessary of a step for me to get where I am now, and all the music I'm making now are necessary step's for the future. So now. I'll finally give the context for all my current music! December 25 i experience second hand domestic violence as my brother is intoxicated and threatens homicide and suicide. Very much made me not good at all. January and February I was talking to Molly a bit still for some reason, nothing came of it just more me talking and stuff. (Haven't talked since February), and In February I started school. Around in April I started dating someone new, May went and now it is June. So not much context of event's specifically this year. But all my music is based on my feelings this year I guess. A lot of thing's happened and a lot of thing's happen I'll be sure to try and update you on anything major. But yes. That is my background. Thank you too anyone who read all of this.

The album I was working on was called "outside", it was basically a collection of everything I had experienced that year and had learnt that year. It started with an instrumental intro that led into the first song "I Want To See You Standing In The Corner Of The Room" which was the phrase repeated through out the song. I forgot to mention that at the start of the year I got a new MacBook Air computer and that is still the exact same one I use to make my music today. The second song "Something's disappear, and something's stay forever" was inspired by beach house's "Space Song", that song is up on my "Old Sadness" EP on bandcamp if you would like to go listen to it :3. Other song's included "Can You Find Something Else To Dedicate Your Life Too?" which is also on the old sadness EP. All of this music was written with Molly in mind no matter how abstract the lyrics were. Outside was not a good album, It had some tracks that showed genuine evolution in my writing style, it dipped between electronic, pop and more slacker genres. But the writing is what stuck with me still, it was confessional. By Term 4 the album was released, Molly listened to it, Molly ignored the point, Molly forgot about it. By this point though, Molly had accused Max of sexual assault, I was very pleased to hear this, people shunned Max for the longest time, and finally I can swoop in to save her like the great hero I am. Around this time I made the switch from Audacity to Waveform 13 which is what I still use today. All through out Term 4 was spent not making music, but being obsessed with Molly again, life had gotten a bit better, Molly didn't hate me anymore, and Max was out of my life. This lasted until January of 2025. Molly broke up with me again. This was the worst I had been. And I had just moved away from that school and to a new school. I was depressed I didn't go to my new school in 2025 for a whole term. I missed Molly, I constantly still talked to her, begging her to love me once again. No time went into my music. Around March, I started to ease off. I stopped talking to her so much. I worked on my music, started recording stuff with piano, a lot more of my own instrument's, a lot more of my own writing, I wrote love song's though, love song's to her. In March I released an EP called NOSTALGIA. Completley instrumental Lofi music. I might re upload it on my bandcamp one day (its june 17 as of writing that). It was missing something though, my lyrics. I started writing again, recording more lyrics, in fact it was Term 2 again and I finally went to my new school. to be continued...

By week 10 she had broken up with me. 14 yo me couldn't handle this, there was some new guy who I am going to called Max for the sake of privacy again. Max was taller then me (at the time), he was richer then me, he had more friends, he was more attractive then me, he had everything I wish I had. Then guess who was dating Max a week after Molly broke up with me. Molly. Now this devastated me, and by now I had already finished a collection of songs called "Skyline" again it was mainly loops online, mixed with some of my own writing and vocals, it was a progression of what I made a year earlier, some song's being about Molly during the relationship. I released this on Spotify under the name I had used for my YouTube channel back in 2022. But now with this new found hatred for Molly and Max, I channeled all of that over the semester holidays into my writing and music, I wanted to make something that would make Molly "run back to me" and be "sorry". I'm not going to rationalize my behavior but this was shitty of me, but can you blame me? Here's an excerpt of some of my writing: It's all over It's now all over Bye Bye love No happiness Goodbye love It's all just sadness Very juvenile very ammeter but it was the basis of what I make today. I think this was the start of my depression, and yes if you couldn't tell I was very depressed. I hated my body image so much around this time I started starving myself. I was a bit chubby and round and I just stopped eating to try and get rid of this, I mean it worked but yeah, it wasn't good. So this heartbreak mixed with anorexia and rejection from teacher's all mixed up into one big mess. This is where I started to write my next two EP's, one being more experimental and less about the lyrics, and one being very much more so about the lyrics. I spent Term 3 being rebellious, locking myself in my room, running away, arguing with teacher's, smoking, and mainly, trying to get back with Molly. All the while I was writing this depressing music and starving myself. I got threatened to be bashed, Max even showed up at my door one day, it was weird seeing him, I was... taller than him? Oh well. I showed him the music I was making, he said it was shit and left, he never bashed me. The two EPs were called "Jojo" and "Forget this stressful failure", the latter being the more lyrically focused work. Here is something from that album: No I won't, No I can't I tried to prefect the image of my life so you might like me I was very confessional (and still am) and this is a style that started here and has been refined in the past two years or so. Neither of these EP's were very good, but they were a signs of what was to come out of my most ambitious release that year. I decided this is it, she is never going to love me again. I am going to write an album to explain my thought's. I am going to write something great, over that entire Term 3 I spent every second at home in my room writing in my notebook, listening to my influences, and crafting something that reflected how I was in that moment.

I was first introduced to music obviously at a young age, but when I first got into it was around age 10 when I took home an old broken keyboard I had been given, that is when I started to learn how to play piano. I got into bands such as The Beatles and The Beach Boys due to this interest in making music. I kept play for two years and in grade 7 I was 12 years old and I was posting video's of me playing to YouTube and getting some views, mainly covers of Beatles songs. I was experiencing some social outcast at school, I found the transition into high school to be awkward and eventually dropped out half way through the year. I was home schooled for the rest of the year, which gave me plenty of time to refine my keyboard skills. In 2023 I got my hands on an old laptop (that eventually broke by the end of the year), and proceeded to search up way's to make music. I found… Audacity. I proceeded to record a single and an EP. Not very good mind you. It was shitty electronic music that consisted of mainly loops I found on the internet. But it was a start. By the end of the year (as previously mentioned) my computer was gone. And I went without for a couple months, than in April of 2024 my family decided it was a good idea to move down to Tasmania. All through out 2023 I was home schooled, I was very isolated and lonely, awkward and didn't know much about myself. I assume I am on the spectrum. I don't handle change very well. So you could probably understand how I reacted when I got told the news that the one place I had known most of my life is soon going to be a memory, I had little friends anyway, all I did was go to the skate park to mess around and smoke. April 2024 I arrived in Tasmania, and my Dad was teaching at the new school I was going to. It was a clean slate for me, at this moment, I was very much still awkward, very much not myself around people, very much confused. Term 2 starts off, I quickly am able to make some friends and get included, the school is christian and I am very agnostic. The teachers hated me, but students seemed to like me, in fact a lot of the students there still do talk to me regularly and am friends with them online (I have since left that school btw). I was very much much depressed, but I forgot to mention in January of that year my sisters boyfriend at the time gave me all of his old CDs hes collected over his life. I still have that collection. And honestly I think that changed my life. I feel truly in love with a lot of different artists, and I learnt to appreciate all music. That, and the mix of being in a new place and my early teenage hood (14 yo at the time) brewed something inside of me that I desperately needed to express. Was I able to do this yet with my current skill level?… uh no. But it was there :3 By about week 3 of Term 2 I had "fallen in love" with this girl at the school, I am going to call her Molly for the sake of privacy. I spoke to her everyday, I still remember one of our first conversations online being cut off by her needing to go to an orthodontist appointment. I found comfort in talking to her, and considering everything at the time, she was my bestest fucking friend. I loved her. But something was deeply wrong with her, she lied, she was dismissive, she complained about problems that didn't exist, and I don't think any of this was her fault but was something deeper I never understood. By week 8 we were dating, we were having awkward moment's behind closed doors and everything felt new and exciting, she was my first real "girlfriend". to be continued

just going to explain my background and stuff so thats what the blogs are about :3