"I went to SUWS of the Carolinas, a wilderness therapy program, now shut down, in 2018, for suicidal ideation. My parents met while working there in 2002, and still knew the owner, which got them a discounted rate of $500 flat. I've seen the bill, and my PTSD had a $500 total price tag. This program would typically have cost multiple thousands of dollars per week. I was 13, which should have had me put in "seasons", the younger age range group for those 10-13. I was deemed to be 'too intelligent' for Seasons, which was heavily populated by children with intellectual disabilities, a horror unto itself. Upon intake, and before group assignment, I told the therapist I was struggling with my gender identity, though I knew I was a trans man at the time. My mother has told me that she said to them it was a phase, which has affected the way my parents treat my transness to this day. I was put in "Luna", the girls group for those 14-18. I was the youngest, with everyone else being 15-17. In my first month the group had lost tent privileges, due to an incident that happened before I was there, where 3 girls had engaged in a sexual relationship in a tent. We slept under "group tarp" for 30 days, which had the 9 of us heel to toe under a single, large tarp. We would hike everyday expect Wednesdays, where there was a supply drop. We would go anywhere from 3-10 miles through the Pisgah forest, with 30-40lbs on our backs (I was 100lbs myself), in torrential downpour and scorching heat, on vertical inclines and declines. This was in the South, so it was humid, and there were lots and lots of bugs. One time I tried to count all the big bites on my arm, and gave up at 50. the first night that we were supposed to be back in tents, one of the kids had a breakdown and they started slamming their head against a large tree until they were bleeding from the forehead. At the end of this episode they started laughing, and were removed from the group and taken about 10 feet away. They were removed from the program about a week later. At some point, a piece of my pack broke, compromising the weight distribution and putting me in excruciating pain. I thought my only option was to power through, and instructors would watch as I sobbed my way through every hike, until I decided I would fix my pack myself. Only then, after weeks of pain, did my pack get checked and replaced. This has caused me back problems in my current life nearly 8 years later. I turned 14 while I was there. I graduated after 84 days. I've forgotten a lot of what went down, due to the amount of trauma I was put through, but I still suffer flashbacks any time I leave my apartment in the morning and it's warm out. Honestly not really sure why I'm putting this out here, and I don't think this tumblr account is even still active. But it's coming up on the anniversary of me being sent to SUWS, and from April 5th-June 27th every year I can't help but remember where I was 8 years ago." -Anon
