#tteoap

I never seem to have enough time for everything I WANT to do, everything I NEED to do, and family.  

Right now, I WANT to make a post for the TTEOAP RP thread.  I also want to edit and write my fanfictions.  I also want to read the backlog of favorited fanfictions down to the point that I can start sifting through the slog that is the to read later backlog.

I NEED to be working on Plane Trigonometry.  I NEED to be working on Physics 2 w/Calculus.  I MAY NEED to work on Chemistry.

And tonight, I have to shove all of that to the side to deal with my family.  Specifically my brother who has OCD that, from what I've heard,  will only get worse.

One of these things has got to give, and unfortunately it is becoming a frightening choice between what I want and my family.  And only a soulless bastard would abandon their family...

Right?  

I am starting to wonder, though, if I should also focus on my own life more.  But yet I do that way to much with Skype and the RP and the fanfictions and the general screwing around.  Uggh.  All I can see from giving up my wants, though, is a life eternally shackled to trying to keep my family from falling apart.  I love them, but at the same time I want to be me and pursue my own wants and discover my own dreams and goals that are tied to reality instead of fiction  (Or at least more firmly tied to reality if I choose to be a writer or a video game designer or an animation storyboarder/guy who comes up with the freaking plot/whatever I mean.)

I am so lost and confused.  And all I want right now is to relax and be someone I can face in the mirror and know is a good person, despite whatever flaws he has. And yet, it is looking more and more like I will have to give up one for the other.

Signing off,