#tswwl

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

After spending the week at a friend's pod, Clay was calm enough to return home.

Upon entering the pod, he was shocked to see his Grandma sitting on the couch looking haggard and tired; her mint hair in disarray, deep bags under her eyes, and a frown pulling at the corners of her mouth.

“Grandma?” Clay hesitantly whispers, flinching back when she springs up at his voice. He’s even more shocked when tears fill her eyes as she rushes forward to pull him into a hug.

“Clay, baby- my baby,” Grandma Ro murmurs into his hair, squeezing him as close as she can. Feeling the way she shakes, Clay wraps his arms around her. 

Soon, she leans back, keeping one paw on his shoulder while the other cups his face. Mint eyes check him over, tears steadily falling down her face. She lets out a relieved sob, causing him to panic and throw his arms back around her, which prompts Grandma Ro to let out all of the tears she’s been trying to hold back.

Eventually, the sobs come to a gradual stop and, even though Clay feels uncomfortable with all the moisture accumulating in his hair, Clay guides her back to the couch. Grandma Ro keeps her paws wrapped tightly around one of Clay’s own like she’s afraid to let go.

“I’m sorry I was gone for so long,” Clay says, unsure where to go after that.

Usually, when he and his brothers have huge fights that lead to them walking out of the pod, Clay will spend a day or two at a friend's. But this time, with the first show of the tour, the “Perfect Family Harmony”, quitting the band, and a bunch of tiny stuff that piled up over time, Clay felt like he was too wound up to return home - worried he’d lash out even more.

Clay takes a deep breath, keeping his focus on the small stain on his wristband, then tries to explain all that to Grandma Ro, “I swear, I meant to come back sooner, but I- it just-“ He cuts himself off when one of Grandma Ro’s paws cups his cheek, tilting his head up to look at her tear-filled eyes.

“Oh, sunshine, I’m just glad you’re here.”

His brows scrunch together in confusion, there’s definitely something more to those words.

“Roro?”

His Grandma sighs, removing her paw from his face to run through her hair, “I thought it was just another one of your fights and everyone would be back in a few days,” She starts, Clay’s shoulders slowly coming up to his ears as dread builds in his chest, “Meadow told me that you were staying with her and Karma, so I knew you were somewhere safe, but no one could find your brothers.”

The building dread falls into his stomach before trying to claw out of him through his throat.

She takes a deep breath, just like Clay had to earlier, “Astrantia asked around, and some Trolls say they saw John, Spruce, and Floyd escaping after the show.”

Clay pulls his paw away, curling into himself, his breath coming and leaving him too fast.

His brothers are gone? They actually left?

Okay, Clay doesn’t want to continue being in the band, but that doesn’t mean he wants his brothers gone.

And sure, he’s thought about escaping the Tree before- but not without them!

The fact that John, Spruce, and Floyd actually left-

Clay jumps up from the couch, his breath coming even faster, “B- Branch- Where’s Branch?”

Grandma Ro said no one could find his brothers - it was only until the Head Guard asked around that some Trolls say they saw three of them escape - but she never mentioned Branch.

Is Branch just wandering around after the fight? Looking for them?

What if he lost his glasses? What if he’s hurt? What if a Bergen finds him? What if-

“Clay?”

The voice, and two small arms wrapping around his leg, bring him back to himself.

Clay’s paws are clenched at the roots of his hair, a dull pain thrumming through his head and fists, his tail is curled tightly around his leg, tears are streaming down his face, and his chest aches with each rapid breath he takes in.

Clay looks down at the voice, releasing his hair, he scoops up the Trolling and collapses onto his knees. He sobs into Branch’s hair, just like his Grandma did to him minutes ago. 

Grandma Ro kneels beside him, making sure to give him space until he says otherwise.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

Clay’s back! 

Grandma said Clay was still in the Tree, but Branch was worried his big brother was still upset he ruined the show- but he’s back!

That means there’s a chance Johnny and Spruce might come back too! And Floyd already promised he’d come back!

Branch wraps his arms around Clay’s neck, nuzzling against his jaw and trying to mimic the comforting coos and trills Grandma had been making to Branch all week. 

Even as he tries to comfort his big brother, Branch can’t help but wag his tail in joy.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

When Clay wakes up, he’s curled on his side, with a throbbing ache in his head and something pressing against his chest. Blinking his eyes open, grimacing at the grainy feeling of crying himself to sleep produced, he looks around. 

Instead of the den, Clay is in Grandma Ro’s room, lying on her soft bed with a multitude of blankets and pillows surrounding him like a nest.

He goes to push himself up but stops when he hears a small whine.

Against his chest is Branch, the blue Trolling looking up at him with barely opened eyes.

His baby brother yawns, nuzzling closer, “Don’ go ag’in.”

Clay freezes, his eyes burning at the words.

Laying back down, Clay curls around his baby brother, his tail coming up and covering his face with its yellow tuft of fur. As Branch starts to tiredly purr, Clay curls up tighter, willing his tears not to fall while he hesitantly echoes the happy and comforting sound.

“Don’t worry, Baby Blue, I won’t leave you again,” Clay presses a small kiss to Branch’s forehead, “I promise.”

Clay doesn’t know how long he stays there, still purring long after Branch falls back to sleep, breathing through his need to cry. 

As he lays there, he begins to think.

That last fight hadn’t been the first one Branch witnessed, not by a long shot, but it was definitely the first fight he saw that ended with everyone walking out.

Fuck…

Clay was so wrapped up in his own shit, he never thought what he’d end up putting Branch through by walking out like that.

Branch should’ve never had to worry about Clay, or any of their brothers, leaving him.

But now they’re here.

John, Spruce, and Floyd left the Tree- left Grandma and him and Branch.

Did his brothers even think?

Clay squeezes his eyes shut at that thought. 

That’s not fair, he knows it’s not fair.

But his emotions are too much to think rationally about their reasons, he’s just pissed.

Clay’s thoughts are interrupted by the soft sound of the room door opening and closing, near silent steps head towards the bed.

Opening his eyes and peeking over the nest of blankets, Clay sees his Grandma sitting down on an armchair next to the bed (one that was originally in the den), giving him a small smile when she catches his eyes.

Carefully bundling Branch into his arms, Clay maneuvers around until he’s leaning against the wall of the nest with Branch still sleeping away on his chest. Branch unconsciously nuzzles closer, his small tail wrapping around Clay’s forearm.

“Here, honeybee,” He looks up to Grandma Ro holding a cup of water out to him, “You need to drink somethin’, pro’ly dehydrated yourself this mornin’.”

Clay lets the cup be guided to his mouth and takes small sips. When he’s done, he leans back and stares at the ceiling.

His Grandma lets him sit in silence, clearly waiting for him to be comfortable enough to start the conversation.

“They’re really gone?” He whispers into the silence.

Grandma Ro’s ears tilt downward, “Yes. The Guard is keeping an eye out for them, though.”

“But?” Clay asks.

She sighs, her paws clenching around the glass, “It’s nothin’ you have to worry ‘bout, baby.”

Clay clenches his jaw so hard his teeth hurt.

Nothing for him to worry about?

He’s here! He’s here and they’re not!

They escaped.

They escaped the Tree, they escaped the Bergens, they escaped Trollstice.

They escaped but left half their family here to suffer.

It’s not even the fact that they didn’t think of him or Grandma when leaving, it’s that they left Branch.

Branch who’s barely over a year old, who’s completely innocent in all their fights, who’s looked up to each of them since the day he hatched, who they all promised to protect.

But now they’re gone, so that means it’s up to Clay to keep him safe.

“Roro,” Clay’s voice cuts through the tenseness that blanketed them, his tone serious but his eyes still full of tears, “If whatever the Guard said affected you, it’ll affect me, which will affect Branch. We can’t do that anymore, we gotta be a team now.”

His Grandma searches his face, eyes eventually falling on the sleeping Trolling in his arms, then she deflates, looking so much older and world-weary than normal.

“They tried not to say anything else in front of me but, when they thought I was far enough away, they theorized that even if they made it out of Bergen Town and survived the dangers outside, they probably won’t take the risk to come back,” Her lip pulls over her teeth in a snarl, her next words a near growl, “Especially not to a broken family.”

You know what, fuck the Guard.

Fuck them and their stupid ass opinions.

They’ve never cared about any Troll except the Royal Family, despite the propaganda they love to push about protecting everyone.

They make sure the Royal Family is hidden during Chef’s sporadic visits to the Cage for a snack but never attempt to alert “lesser” Trolls, even purposely destroying the alert system that was made for that very reason!

Clay wants to tense, to let his tail lash against the bed, to growl, and let all his anger out at those words - but he doesn’t. He makes himself breathe through all his thoughts and anger, then hugs Branch closer.

Grandma Ro sighs and sets down the glass on the bedside dresser, “I’m gonna make you and Branch somethin’ to eat.”  She stands up and presses a kiss to Clay’s temple, giving him a smile when he affectionately bumps his head against her cheek, “Call me if you need anythin’, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay,” Clay mumbles back.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

“Clay?”

“What’s up, Blueberry?” Clay asks the Trolling sitting in his lap, setting the empty bowls of soup on the dresser.

Branch doesn’t look up as he plays with his tail, even when Clay wraps his arms around the Trolling, hooking his chin over Branch’s head to see what he’s doing.

“Are we a broken family?” Branch asks in a tearful voice, clenching and unclenching his paws around his tail in a self-soothing action.

Clay tightens his arms around Branch before quickly relaxing them, “No, we’re not. Where did you hear that?”

His baby brother leans back against his chest, letting go of his tail to wrap his arms around one of Clay’s arms and his tail around the other, “You and Gramma…”

Clay grimaces, “You were awake?”

How didn’t Clay notice that?

Actually- how was Branch able to fake being asleep so well?

“Mmhmm,” Branch nods against his arm.

Sighing, Clay turns Branch around to face him, Branch staring resolutely at Clay’s neck, “Can you look at me?” Tear-filled eyes look at him, and Clay gives him a soft smile, “Thank you, sweet boy.” 

Branch sniffles, a few tears falling. A comforting trill leaves Clay’s throat as he wipes away the tears.

“We are, aren’t we? Because of me?”

That question feels like a knife straight to the gut and a Bergen squishing his heart between its fingers, all in one.

“No, no, no, no,” Clay coos, “Baby boy, we aren’t broken- and even if we were, it wouldn’t be because of you.”

Branch’s wide blue eyes look doubtful and heartbroken, which is an expression no Trolling - especially his baby - should ever wear.

“We’re… messy. Our family is chaotic and messy and bendy,” Clay cups Branch’s face, pressing a kiss to his nose, “But not broken.” He rubs his thumb back and forth over Branch’s cheek, “Why do you think it’s your fault?”

Branch looks away from him again, grabbing Clay’s arm so he can fiddle with his wristband. Clay lets him, patiently waiting until Branch is ready to talk.

Soon, more tears well up and start falling down, “I fell and messed up the song,” He sobs out, “It’s my fault Johnny and Spruce and Floyd left! It’s my fault!”

Clay can’t keep the horror off his face as he hugs Branch closer and presses the Trolling’s face into the curve of his neck, shedding his own tears at the soul-crushing sobs his baby brother lets out.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

Branch doesn’t know how long he hides away in Clay’s neck.

Last night, he was so happy that Clay came back! And even when his big brother started crying, Branch was happy he was able to help comfort him!

And while he’s still happy Clay’s here, more feelings are pressing down on him and making him feel bad.

Branch didn’t mean to break their family - he was trying so hard to keep up with his brothers on stage (but he didn’t remember ever practicing that move!) and he ended up ruining everything!

When Clay tries to remove Branch from his neck, Branch presses closer, soaking up as much affection as he can before Clay decides to leave too.

Too soon, Clay pulls him back, having him lean back on his curled-up legs.

Clay’s voice is soft but stern, like Gramma’s, when he asks, “I need you to listen to me, okay?”

Branch nods, but doesn’t look up. He doesn’t want to see how upset Clay is with him.

Clay doesn’t let him, instead gently cupping his face between his paws and guiding his head up. When his eyes meet Clay’s, he feels his heart hurt at the tears that fall down his big brother’s face because of him.

“You didn’t mess up anything, Branch,” When Branch goes to shake his head, Clay holds him in place, “No, you didn’t.”

Branch whines, trying to pull away but stops when Clay gently squeezes his face three times.

Clay smiles at him, rubbing his thumb back and forth over his cheek, “None of us knew JD was gonna go off script, and, in all honesty, we weren’t in the best headspaces going on stage.”

“Why?” Branch slowly brings his paws up to grab Clay’s covered wrists, squeezing back three times.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

Branch squeezes back three times, quietly asking, “Why?”

Shit.

How can Clay actually explain this?

Treat it like a story, a voice that sounds suspiciously like his Ma whispers to him, start from the beginning.

Clay takes a deep breath (four seconds in; Branch, Floyd, Spruce, John) and slowly releases it (three seconds out; Grandma Ro, Baba, Ma), paws moving from Branch’s face to hold his smaller ones.

“Do you remember those stories Gran would tell, about the Perfect Family Harmony and how powerful it is?” Clay asks, giving Branch a soft smile when he nods, “Well, a few months ago, the Guard saw us all singing and messing around and having fun,” He sighs, breathing through the bitter feeling that rises in him, “Apparently they noticed how close we were to achieving Harmony, and they reported it to King Peppy.”

While Branch is clearly confused about where the story’s going, he notices how upset Clay is and lets go of his paws to curl up on his chest, hugging him. Clay wraps his arms around Branch, nuzzling him.

With his baby’s head resting on his shoulder, Clay continues, “King Peppy came to the pod that night and sat us all down to “talk”.” He can’t keep the snarl out of his tone, causing Branch to nuzzle closer which helps calm Clay down, “He told us that we needed to achieve the Perfect Family Harmony, that we were probably the only hope the Trolls had of fighting back against the Bergens.”

“I don’ ‘member this,” Branch mumbles against his shoulder.

Clay squeezes him closer, “You wouldn’t, you were at your friend’s Hatchday party- Ricky, right?” He teases him, silently snickering when Branch lightly smacks his chest.

“Trickee! You know that!” Branch admonishes him.

“Oh, right!” Clay snaps his fingers, grinning at the moment of reprieve, “Mickey!”

Branch sticks his tongue out at Clay, giggling when Clay does the same right back at him.

The lighthearted moment fades with Branch’s smile as he absentmindedly fiddles with Clay’s wristband, “What happened after that?”

“Grandma came home and threw him out the door herself.” Clay proudly says, fondly remembering the night.

Grandma Ro had come home to him and his brothers surrounded by the Head Guard with the King sitting across the table from them as he casually ate their rations. Roro had taken one look at the scene before her face went blank and she stomped straight towards the King, pushing the Guards aside like they were mere Trollings. She had grabbed the King by the roots of his hair and tore him from her chair, dragging him across the pod’s floor, and throwing him so hard out the door that he almost fell off the Tree.

“Awesome.” Branch’s star-struck voice pulls him from the memory and makes Clay chuckle.

“Very awesome.”

The paw fiddling with his wristband stops for a second, “But what about the show?”

Clay sighs, grabbing the still paw in his for a little extra bit of comfort, “The Guard started doing what they do best - talk. They would “subtly” talk while on patrols, always making sure that a Troll was in earshot, about how close BroZone was to achieving the Perfect Family Harmony and how maybe they’ll have a real way to escape.”

“But you didn’t say you would!”

“No, we didn’t.” Clay agrees, “But that didn’t stop random Trolls from coming up to talk at us about the Harmony, about if we could even pull it off, about how long we think it’ll take for us to become “perfect”.”

The first one it happened to was John Dory, and Clay had only witnessed the aftermath. Had only seen his big brother rush into the pod, his breath coming out in short, fast pants, and tears filling his eyes.

“Was that why Johnny wanted everything to be perfect?”

“I think he not only felt pressured to help everyone but…” Clay pauses, a memory floating to the front of his mind.

(“Bubba, you don’ gotta do anythin’ for these Trolls. It’s not your job to save everyone.”

“I know, Ro. But if there’s a chance this can work - a chance my little brothers can live without ever having to worry about Trollstice or a Bergen again - I have to take it.”)

“But what he really wanted, was it to work so we could have a chance at living a semi-normal life outside of the Tree.”

“Is that why everyone left?” Branch’s quiet voice says into Clay’s chest, “Because we weren’t perfect and it didn’t work?”

Isn’t that the question of the hour, Clay furiously thinks.

Clay wants to be bitter and petty, wants to scream that their brothers abandoned them, wants to burn every root that connects him to his brothers.

But he can’t, because this isn’t just about him anymore.

He can’t let his emotions get the best of him and end up making Branch resent their brothers. If his brothers really do never come back, Branch can’t live thinking it was his fault or his brothers didn’t love him because they weren’t perfect.

(And he might understand that JD was trying his best- but that doesn’t erase the years of being the ‘Fun Boy’.

There wasn’t any pressure from Peppy or Trolls to be perfect and escape the Tree before these last few months - yet they were still confined to the roles they played within the band.)

Clay’s breath is shaky as he clutches Branch closer, a rush of cold grief and burning rage going through him, “No, no. It’s more… complicated than just that.”

He repeats his breathing exercise a few times (four in, three out), before asking, “Do you remember why we made our secret signal?” He softly smiles at the confused hum Branch makes at the change in topic.

“Yeah…”

Clay runs his paw through Branch’s hair, “Can you tell me?”

“You weren’t allowed to be sad or mad,” Branch says as he tries to burrow even closer, “Everyone always wants you to be happy and funny.”

“Well, our brothers dealt with similar things.” Clay pauses, feeling the way Branch tenses before quickly relaxing, “But you already knew that, huh?”

Branch hesitates before nodding.

Clay can’t say he’s surprised; Branch has always been more observant and empathetic than a normal Trolling, somehow able to tell when one of his brothers was upset, and always able to cheer them up.

Branch mumbles into Clay’s neck, “Sprucie didn’t like eating all of his food, or going out with fans.”

Clay squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, repeating his breathing exercise (four, three - four, three - four, three - four, three).

When he’s a little more composed, he continues, ignoring the way his words stick to his throat, “So because Spruce is ‘The Heartthrob’, Trolls expected him to act and look a certain way.”

“Look?”

The innocent question almost makes Clay break down crying - no matter how smart Branch is, he’s still just a Trolling.

“I’ll explain when you’re older,” Clay jokes as he ruffles Branch’s hair, ignoring the burning underneath his skin from his need to scream, smiling at the weak growl the action earns, “But a lot of Trolls pressured Spruce about what he ate or how much he exercised.”

Branch pushes himself up, looking the angriest Clay’s ever seen him, “Why would they do that?“

“Because he’s ‘The Heartthrob’.” Clay says. And he’s not saying it to avoid Branch’s question, it is the reason Spruce suffered.

Branch seems to understand that, if the way his eyes go wide and watery and his ears sag down are anything to go by.

Clay runs a knuckle over Branch’s cheek, softly asking, “Do you want to take a break?”

While Clay wants to get this over with, he knows he has to go at Branch’s pace while explaining things.

Branch says nothing, instead he crawls to lean against Clay’s chest with his head resting on his shoulder once again.

Clay wraps his arms back around him, nuzzling him when he nods and gently cooing when he curls in closer, “Let’s do somethin’ else then, ‘kay?”

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

Branch can’t help but relax in Gramma’s arms as she cradles him close, both happily sitting on the living room couch.

Clay sits crisscrossed on the floor in front of them, dramatically reading from one of the many storybooks they have. Every character has their own voice, and Clay never misses a chance to act out a scene or wave his arms around.

This had always been one of Branch’s favorite things to do - just spend time with his Gramma and brothers.

He wonders when that changed…

When had cooking with Sprucie turned into him ushering Branch out of the kitchen and telling him to spend time with Gramma?

When had quietly drawing while Johnny worked on songs turned into him telling Branch to hang out with Floyd and shutting the door in his face?

When had listening to Flo playing the guitar turned into him constantly being out of the pod and only talking to Branch when their brothers fought?

When had listening to Clay read stories together as a family turned into the two of them hiding underneath Gramma’s bed because everything became too much?

When had being excited to spend time with his brothers all together turned into Branch quietly biting his paws and waiting for the yelling to start?

Was it because of him?

Clay said it wasn’t his fault their brothers left or that the show went wrong, but maybe Clay just hasn’t realized yet that it was.

Even when his brothers fought, they would perform perfectly - only Branch being there ruined it.

Branch singing with his brothers was what made the Guard notice them, what made the King talk to them, what made the other Trolls bother them, and what made the Perfect Family Harmony appear in their lives.

Clay jumps up to act out another scene, a wide smile on his face but creases around his eyes that he only gets when he’s upset or worried about something.

Gramma clutches him closer, tighter than she would’ve a week ago.

What Branch said to Floyd still feels true to him, he ruined everything.