#tswatch

           The year which means that I can’t have anymore than one day off per month, even with heaps of doctors certificates. I’ve been working really hard to get better at making it to school and pulling through but I’ve basically got a form of chronic fatigue and it really wrecks me sometimes. I find it hard to differentiate when I’m tired or when I’m just being lazy, and so I don’t know when to push myself in my work. Any tips for getting through school? Thanks for what you guys do! ❤️❤️ - J (2/2)

Hello J!

I am very sorry for the late reply! I hope the start of the school year has been a good journey for you! Year 11 I’ve heard is such a great year, it’s that in between where you are still a high schooler but you are starting to learn adulthood. It’s a fun time for sure!

I too suffer with PMDD (and endometriosis). It can be very hard during ovulation and menstruation when your hormones throw you severely out of whack. I definitely have sympathy and sending as much love as I can.

Do you see an OBGYN for your PMDD? There are birth controls that are hormone based that could help regulate the hormones... as well as taking a low dose of testosterone (personally I don’t but have been suggested it for my PMDD and MCAS)... my other suggestion would be to see if you could get on something for anxiety. If you are comfortable with medicine, that is. There is nothing wrong with not being comfortable with taking meds. Meds are not a bad thing but you are just as valid if you don’t like them.

I would strongly suggest starting a Bullet Journal... I know it’s all the rage right now so you might be rolling your eyes going “gosh you’re such a millenial.” But I love my bullet journal. I am 25, so I am not in school anymore, but it really helps to keep things organized. Pinterest has a ton of ideas to help you get started, as well as there are youtubers who their entire channel is dedicated to bullet journals... there’s also great Facebook groups such as Bullet Journal Junkies. It could help you keep track of your period, so you can prepare for school assignmnts and such knowing when your symptoms start (for me personally it’s 3 days before my period starts that I start getting angry and suicidal), you can also use it to track your school work, you can keep a dream journal in it, a bucket list, etc.

I’d love if you could keep us updated on how your school year is going! Remember that it’s okay to not be perfect! It’s okay to miss a school assignment or to half-ass a test, or take a self care day and miss school entirely. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Grades are nowhere near as important as you and your health!

And thank you for the kind words about tswatch! You are a sweetheart!

You are valid

Hi Kim!

I am sorry for the late reply, and do hope that you have been doing better since sending this in. I am very proud of you for writing into us, opening up about what you are going through can be exhausting mentally and hard, so I want to let you know how proud I am of you. 

It sounds like you are going through a very rough time. And please don’t apologize for what you say to us. There is nothing wrong with writing into us and telling us how it is. We are here to listen and offer support in the best way possible, and love when people are strong and brave enough to write into us.

Having no one in a support group can be very rough. I am sorry you are going through this. Is it possible for you to seek out a new support system? You could look into local things to do, such as going to library and looking at their events, or joining your town’s/city’s social media because they will post when events happen. Where I live we have a “Shakespeare in the Park” day where they offer a free Shakespearian play at the park. It gethers a large crowd of all ages. It would be a nice place to try to meet someone.

If that is not your cup of tea, I understand I’m agoraphobic, there is alwasy the online community. I know it’s not the same. But there are amazing communities online where you can meet people who can understand what you are going through. Discord is a great app/website to meet people, as well as support groups on social media such as Facebook, Tumblr, and Reddit.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. I know it’s one of those over-suggested things but I have noticed that when I am doing yoga just once or twice a week it really helps me calm down and gets me into Wise Mind (a DBT skill). Would that be something you’d be interested in trying?

It’s not for everyone so I do understand if you are rolling your eyes going “gosh Mads I didn’t know you were that type of person to suggest YOGA! Every doctor in the history of the world brushes off people and suggests yoga! Agh!” I get it, cause I am the same... I don’t like the “have you tried [insert fad here]” either. 

We are always here to talk, so please feel free to rant/vent/scream/cry to us. You are also always welcome to come off anon and I can talk to you off anon (we don’t post any non-anon messages). You could also send a fanmail/message(?) to my tswatch blog. 

I’m working with someone tomorrow on DBT skills if you are interested to join the conversation (separate from them, of course, to keep anonimity for you both).

How have things been going since you sent this in?

You are amazing

Hi again abm!

I do apologize I had not seen that there was another message from you farther up in the inbox! I am terribly sorry for responding to you in two separate parts! I hope you can forgive me for this mistake! 

It sounds like you truly are struggling with wanting to go back to when things were calmer in your life. I’m very sorry you are struggling with suicidal thoughts. Running away can be very scary, especially if running away from an abusive situation. I hope that you have a support system where you are to help you get through this tough time. If you’d like you can share your location (just general, not address) and I’d be more than happy to do research to find a specific support system in your area to help you through all of this.

Remember you are amazing. And you are worthy.

Hi abm!

First I would like to thank you for writing into tswatch, it can be very scary to open up to others about how you feel and what you are going through and I’d like you to know how proud I am of you for reaching out for help.

It sounds like you are feeling very trapped and isolated right now. I am very sorry that you are going through all of this. I do hope that I can offer some support. How have things been going since you wrote in? I am very sorry for the late reply.

It can be very difficult to start the path to recovery, if that is what you choose to do. I can relate to an extent (because no one can fully relate to others) the fear of looking into the mirror as well as the constant anxiety of talking to others. I personally will ruminate over even the basic conversations with someone for weeks wondering what I could have done or said to make the situation as perfect as possible.

I have found personally that when talking to others and having that anxiety of “I said something wrong”/”I did something wrong” is to be open and honest with the people you are talking to. If it’s someone you trust, or even strangers you just met - if you are comfortable with that, let them know that you have anxiety with talking. Because people are wonderful, for the most part, with validating that what you are saying and doing is great. You are okay to mess up a conversation. If you stutter, if you give the wrong information, if you mess up in any form... you are completely and totally okay to not be perfect in the way that you talk with others.

As far as self image (please excuse me if I am incorrect about it being self image that causes the feeling of crying when looking in a mirror) you have two options... the first one option I would strongly suggest you only do parallel to the second option... but that’s try to avoid mirrors... nothing and no one says you have to do things that require you to look in a mirror. Personally when I get into a bad setting I avoid mirrors until I can get myself out of the funk. I have hand sanitizer by the sink in the bathroom and during those times I just use that instead of washing hands and standing in front of a mirror... if you put on makeup, do your hair, etc... just stop doing it. You are amazing and wonderful and you don’t have to do any of that stuff to let your beauty shine. The second option, which is probably the prefered method, would be to find the root of what is causing this anxiety and to nip it.

Have you ever heard of DBT? DBT stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. There’s a skillset in DBT which would be wonderful, in my opinion, for this. It’s called “Wise Mind" or “Mindfulness.” It’s where you take your Emotional Mind (the emotions you feel when you see yourself in the mirror) and you take the “Reasonable Mind’ (the rational side of what you are seeing when you see yourself in the mirror) and combining them. When you see yourself in the mirror and you feel sick/sad/upset I want you to pause. Put a halt on those thoughts and feelings. And ask yourself “is this wise mind? Is this actually what my image is to myself and others?” Observe what you are looking at. Observe the feelings you have when you see yourself.

I would like to point out that I am not a DBT therapist nor a therapist at all, and my suggestions on using DBT is based purely on me going through DBT and utilizing the skills years later. If you would like more info on DBT I’d suggest to look to see if there is a DBT group near you. It truly is a wonderful set of skills that will last a lifetime!

Hope you are doing well.