#tryingmatters

Merlin: “Tell me what happened.” Me: “You know what happened.” Merlin: “I want you to say it.” Me: “I lost control.” Merlin: “And?” Me: “And if they hadn’t been strong enough— if I hadn’t—” grits teeth “I would have killed them.” Merlin: nods “And yet, here we are. You stopped. That matters.” Me: “Does it? Really?” Merlin: “Yes. Because if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be this angry at yourself.” Me: “I don’t want to be a monster.” Merlin: “Then don’t be.” Me: frustrated “It’s not that simple!” Merlin: “I know. But neither is giving up.”