#truthspeak

Legalized segregation

(Redlining)

Blatant discrimination

Lynching

Mass murders

Serial killings

Gradual genocide

All conditions

Imposed by

White privilege

That doesn’t exist

To the naked eye

Because those who encounter it

Dear Frank,

Sometimes I get so damned tired of living.  Of the tough decisions, the vacuum created by us humans void of compassion, fueled by fear, suspicion, greed, assumptions, ego, cruelty...

I get tired of wandering the wildnerness of my own damned mind.  Of wondering what’s “right”, what’s “true.”  Trying to live up to expectations.  The “not enough” complex.  The self-doubt and yearning for something that I can’t even put a finger on.  Stressing about finances and feeling lost and confused so much of the time.  

I hate the cliches--”one step forward, two steps back”...”the only way out is through”...”the cure for the pain is in the pain”...”what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”...”fear is the natural reaction to getting closer to the truth”...”What we seek lies on the edge of our comfort zone”...”the night is darkest before the dawn”...on and on...

What does it take to feel “ALIVE”?!  Going through the motions...fake it til you make it...sometimes just doesn’t cut it.  I know I don’t always feel this way and won’t always feel this way.  But in these moments, I’m swept by the time of the existential bullshit.  The intoxicating desire to cease to exist...dissolve into the simple matter that makes up the rest of the universe, reassemble as something else...re-set, start the game over, try again.  

How I despise feeling disillusioned, melancholy, lacking inspiration.  How did we get here, exactly here where we are in time and space?  A time reminiscent of the bloody and cruel days of nationalism, fear and hate?  A parallel universe in which a psychologically unstable bigot is ruling one of the most powerful nations on earth.  Holy fuck how and why?  

And what now?  Where do we go from here?