I was the one who closed myself from the rest of the world. (I wonder if I’ve ever been listening.) Breaking down what I’ve been persuaded about up until now. I don’t feel hate, I don’t feel regret. I clearly feel that I’m changing every day - I fall down and then I stand up again. I’m up in the clouds and I’m trying to crawl from a hole I dug for myself. I felt like I’ve lost the positive side of me - the will to live, to observe, to learn, to love.
My grandmother used to ask me where did the cheerful, always smiling, child I used to be disappeared. She wasn’t the only one. It’s a lesson. It was a lesson - to find that in myself - what was forgotten, what was locked up there. Breaking down the world I was living in, the way of thinking, beliefs, and start building it up again. (I’m still doing that, because it’s just the beginning of the new journey.)
I wanted to hide myself. I was living in denial of myself. I don’t feel like that now. I understand myself better than I did before. I got a lot of advices and warnings in the past - especially the last year. I haven’t really thought about that up until these days when ‘everything’ started to make sense. Even I was the the one who was warning myself, but I didn’t listen to them, to myself. I’m really thankful to the people I’ve met, to the people I’ve never met. Even those random people who approached me - whom I approached, even though they’re people who’re just sharing their life and thoughts and have no idea how much of an inspiration they are. I’m really thankful that I’m starting to see, to feel on a different level.
There has been a lot of fear (and restriction) in the past, and I’m trying to conquer that - how much there is to a person - I want to believe that there’s nothing to be afraid of. How much can a person do and surprise themselves. I’ve tried and I’m glad I did, because I’ve learnt so much. Pain is essential for growth. And then - we can conquer the world, and the space far beyond that. We can do it! All of us can do it!
