Why do i hold onto the most pointless parts of my past,the memories that torment my dreams the ex that wont ever truly be forgiven but with my soul and heart missing i hold onto him give him what he wants...my body...but he will never give me his heart. He used me for my body when we dated and i gave him my heart as a bonus but when we broke my heart never healed i need that human connection and my only way to feel remotely that is being used by him again.but i feel mortified in why i keep causing this pain to myself i deserve it but its destroying me. I need peace, I need a normal mind i need this pain to stop reminding me i’m a fuck up. I will never be dignified. I will never be happy or truly loved by anyone. A year or 2 is all i can bare i don’t see the point of adding years to this meaningless life.